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-   -   Help! In love w/ a married man! (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/374943-help-love-w-married-man.html)

Nikki1963 03-17-2006 08:15 PM

Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Sorry, I was getting tired of hearing about what I already knew I was doing wrong, and trying to get over.

Messege deleted

Celestial_Kel 03-17-2006 08:26 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
I won't go into any lengthy lecture on this because I know it won't matter right now because you think you're "IN LOVE"! Enjoy it while it lasts.....if he's cheating on his wife with you, he'll do it to you also! It's a 100% guarantee.

Nikki1963 03-17-2006 09:08 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Clarification - I agree that I 'think' I am in love with him. In all honesty, I don't even know anymore. I've never been this confused (except prior to my divorce) as far as a man is concerned.

I've been researching 'affairs with married men' on the internet tonight. I'm shocked at what is listed re: what the men say & do to get and keep you. Quite disappointed to think I was 'special' or that this was 'different'.

Not so... right?

KellyDL 03-17-2006 09:30 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
I don't understand what anyone could get out of being the other woman. He can't give his last name, share his material gain, or even his life really. He's already given that to someone else. I would tell myself that I am worth more then that. I would be offended that he offered to take care of me. That to me equals prostitution. I don't mean to be mean, it's just a fact. If a man is with his wife but has someone on the side, it usually has more to do with sex then love.

Celestial_Kel 03-17-2006 09:31 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
I don't think that you need me or anyone else to tell you that this guy is such a jerk! He's playing you and his wife, and it's completely unfair. I mean, what can this man actually promise you? Nothing. What about holidays when he's with his family and you're all alone? What's he going to do? "Slip away" long enough to give you a quick call to say "Merry Christmas"..."maybe we can meet next week"! C'mon now! Every night, he's crawling in bed next to his wife. And you get whatever is left over! You said in your post that you have no problem attracting other men. So go out there and find yourself an available one that you don't have to hide in the bushes with just to see him! You will be so much happier if you do.

Nikki1963 03-17-2006 09:54 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Wow you guys!!! I certainly wish I was here sooner! You're getting me motivated already!


Anyway... Please: KEEP THE ADVICE COMING!

eve40 03-17-2006 10:39 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Sounds like you had a little eye opener this weekend. That's good for you. It's the first step in starting to get over him. I have a little mantra for you to say every time you want to email him.

He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

In this case he wants to keep and eat two pieces of cake. Sorry, it only works out well if we are all satisfied with one.

Hiya 03-17-2006 10:39 PM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
[QUOTE=Nikki1963]
I have already had those days / nights where I want so badly to be with him. I anticipate his calls & emails... only to get one or two sentences.

[/QUOTE]

Well, you said in your first post that your main fear is being in the position where you're lonely and missing someone. You hate the feeling of being alone and feeling that empty yearning to be with that special someone, which I totally understand. But if you look carefully at what you wrote above in your last post, you already ARE lonely and missing someone, only you dont' feel free to go out into the world and do something about it, whereas if you break it off with Mr. Married, you would be free to pursue things with new Mr. Coffee or anyone else who happens along without feeling like a cheat or without complications. I don't really buy 100% into the "if he'll do it with you he'll do it to you" philosophy, but that's not even the issue. Even if he would never have another mistress besides you, he still has a wife, and has made it clear he LOVES her, and will never leave her, so of course you never have the "where is this going" talk, because you already know where it's going...nowhere. There was a movie out a few years ago called The Object Of My Affection and a character had some wonderful advice for Jennifer Anniston's character. He said "don't arrange your life so that you are alone when you come to the middle of it." That's exactly what you do when you devote all your time and attention to a married man who has made it clear that he will never really be yours.

ILYF 03-18-2006 05:59 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
If he wants to be with you then he needs to get a divorce. IMHO, you need to tell him that you cannot be with him anymore as long as he is with his wife. Right now he can have his cake and eat it too. Although you aren't intimate yet, he is still getting from you what he is probably not getting at home which is the affection he gets from you.

tnmomofive 03-18-2006 06:46 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Well Nikki I was going to type a long post but it seems you are getting your head together and realizing this relationship with the married man isnt going to be good for you or work....good for you you deserve better .He has said he loves his wife and will not leave her and you long for him now so imagine how it would be if you keep on with him you would be misserable!
By the way please spare the feeling bad and like your cheating if you go date this other guy NOT HARDLY CHEATING! This married guy was never yours to begin with


good luck

SophiaM 03-18-2006 07:02 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Yes, that married man can offer you nothing but a few fleeting moments of pleasure. He's made it clear he won't leave his wife, so you know this would never have any future. Be smart and don't put your life on hold for someone who has nothing to offer and tells you bluntly that he "loves" his wife. What a nerve to tell you that--if this is what he does when he 'loves' someone, it's hard to imagine how he would behave if he didn't love her.

You look young and guys are attracted to you--go out with the ones that are single and available and don't waste your time on the married guy. You are NOT 'cheating' by going out with the other guy--you are simply looking out for your best interest! Sounds like you've already spent too much time being single and celibate. I think it's time to look for someone who could be a real partner to you. If they're married or seriously involved, don't even bother. You need your own guy, not some illusion of a boyfriend.

sudufu 03-18-2006 07:28 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Nikki ~
Keep researching and seeing all the NEGATIVES to this relationship. Matter of fact revel (live in) those not so nice moments especially when you're tempted to call or email him, b/c that is what you're setting yourself up for: [U]a LIFETIME of heartACHE[/U] if you continue w/ this guy.

He's got the best of both worlds, so he WILL say and DO just about anything to [I]"keep you"[/I] Why are mere crumbs from this dude exceptable?

When you're truly sincere about breaking it off, do so SILENTLY. (there strength / POWER in :D SILENCE) I'd change my phone number & email and drift away [I](letting HIM wonder)[/I], , ,

Celestial_Kel 03-18-2006 08:20 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
I guess I'm still trying to figure out exactly what any woman would want with a married man! I mean, don't wedding vows and commitment mean anything to anyone anymore?? :confused: He makes me sooooo sick! I mean who does this guy think he is Brad Pitt or something? I'm so glad that you have not been intimate with him! Because I guarantee you if he were to accidently get you pregnant or something, you would be on you own to handle things by yourself! While he's busy sipping coffee in bed with his wife! Disgusting! I'm sorry, but I wish these dogs would grow up and be real men. Don't give this man one more minute of your precious time!

eve40 03-18-2006 08:36 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
[QUOTE=Celestial_Kel]I guess I'm still trying to figure out exactly what any woman would want with a married man! I mean, don't wedding vows and commitment mean anything to anyone anymore?? :confused: He makes me sooooo sick! I mean who does this guy think he is Brad Pitt or something? I'm so glad that you have not been intimate with him! Because I guarantee you if he were to accidently get you pregnant or something, you would be on you own to handle things by yourself! While he's busy sipping coffee in bed with his wife! Disgusting! I'm sorry, but I wish these dogs would grow up and be real men. Don't give this man one more minute of your precious time![/QUOTE]
Oh, even Brad Pitt is a DOG for cheating on his wife. With a female version of a dog, with a history of breaking up marriages. Stardom sdoesn't save them from Dogdom. I don't care how blonde their hair is, how blue their eyes are or how good they look as a greek warrior! :eek:

laurie864bla 03-18-2006 08:41 AM

Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!
 
Love ya, Eve!!! Gosh that was my sentiment--EXACTLY!!!! Cheaters disgust me--always, everytime!!! Cheaters are scumbags, immature, immoral people. 12 years of hell in my marriage--but I never once cheated! It's a choice. Why the heck to people even get married anymore if they will just cheat at their first lustful pull? It makes me wanna vomit. .........UH...DO I sound bitter?? HA HA HA HA


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