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    Old 04-06-2006, 12:04 PM   #1
    sam_1980
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    Insulted girlfriend during argument

    My girlfriend and I are the quintessential right brain/left brain couple. I was a Math major in college, while she majored in English literature. She's very good in the spoken/written word, while I'm more of a numbers guy. Well, a few days ago we were having an argument. We don't argue that often, it was just a particular issue that came up, and it got pretty heated. I found myself getting frustrated because I couldn't match her verbally. She said something that really irritated me but it wasn't in any way a personal attack. It had to do with me buying a chair that she thought was uncomfortable. I lost my cool and fired back with a low blow. I said something like "well you have an ample natural cushion, so I can't see why itís a problem". She was immediately taken aback with my comment. She was speechless for a moment, and then she slapped me in the face and walked away. I tried to apologize, but she gave me the silent treatment.

    In reality, she's not heavy at all; she's quite fit, in much better shape than me, in fact. She has a lovely figure, 34-24-38, but just has a full, shapely derriere, like Jennifer Lopez. However, she can be self conscious about it, often looking in the mirror and asking me if she looks fat. I know its a cardinal sin to make insulting comments about a woman's body, so I hope I haven't done irreparable harm here. However, I do think I really hurt her feelings. How should I go about apologizing to her?

     
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    Old 04-06-2006, 12:31 PM   #2
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Youch!! Yes, attacking a physical trait that she is very sensitive about is a very low blow, one of the lowest, though there are worse, but not many. Get out your fork because it's time to eat a whole heap of crow. First, admit fully, sincerely and profusely that you were wrong, that you dealt a very low blow and you know it wasn't fair, and how sorry you are. Totally let go of whatever the argument was and just be sorry until she's done being angry. Some flowers couldn't hurt. But most importantly, admit you were wrong, and be sorry until she's done being angry, don't rush her, or make cracks about her hanging on to a grudge if she doesn't let it go as soon as you'd like, and then from now on, fight FAIR. Keep your arguments about the issue at hand, and NO personal attacks whatsoever.

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 12:53 PM   #3
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    ouch...the good thing here is that your realize it was wrong and that you hurt her feelings. I agree with hiya, give her lots of time to accept your apologie. You may want to tell her exactly what you said in your post, that you were basically grasping at straws to win an argument and pulled out the nasty card. Just so she understands that her butt is fine. Because if it is a sensitive thing for her, she'll be wondering about it, and your opinion of it for a while. We have all pulled some low blows when in the middle of a heated discussion and we feel trapped, it is natural. Let her know that you recognize what you did and will try to make sure that you handle your arguments better in the future. Be sincere, as you seem to be, and talk from your heart. You have already taken a slap in the face and some silent time, so hopefully things will work out.
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    Old 04-06-2006, 02:09 PM   #4
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Oh dear. I agree with the others. I think what you need to do is admit you were feeling verbally outwitted and picked on something you knew she was sensitive about to try to get some leverage in the argument. That way she knows you haven't been secretly harboring some kind of dislike for her body, but that you were just trying to win the fight. And it also builds her up a little at the same time after you took a swipe at her self esteem.

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 02:43 PM   #5
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    hmmmm....if she is anything like me (hopefully for your sake she's not) she will never forget that comment and will feel insecure about her rear end for a long time...and anything you say to apologize won't help her to forget that you said it in the first place.

    I still have moments where I remember deragatory comments previous boyfriends have made about my body---20 years later!!! I realize it's crazy, but that's the way I am. I am very sensitive about my body and how it is perceived by others.

    My suggestion is to spend alot of time working so that there is no doubt in her mind that you are physically attracted to her (after you apologize of course)...don't bring up her booty again--that will just open wounds...just let her know that you think she is hot, sexy, and that you want her...ALOT. That may help a bit.

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 03:26 PM   #6
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    "You have already taken a slap in the face and some silent time, so hopefully things will work out."

    I must admit, you ladies have some pretty impressive techiques for administering a healthy dose of shame (slap) and guilt (silent treatment). Maybe its because you have lots of practice in dealing with insensitive men, lol.

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 08:10 PM   #7
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Ooooh, you've entered dangerous waters now, my friend. Whew! I'd hate to be you about now...Oh, I don't mean to make fun. The only thing you can do is apologize for saying what you said, and tell her you love her behind. A lot of women would kill for her big butt, you know (not that it's that big, but, hey, I wouldn't mind a little extra junk in my trunk). I mean, you just tell her flat out, there are women who have surgery to look like her, that what you said was a stupid immature response because you blew a fuse and has nothing whatsoever to do with her attractiveness. Now all that said, you better grab her butt every chance you get because actiions speak louder than words. She has to know you don't find her "big butt" unattractive, but quite the opposite, and after what you said, it's gonna take some effort, I'll bet.

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 08:46 PM   #8
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sam_1980
    "You have already taken a slap in the face and some silent time, so hopefully things will work out."

    I must admit, you ladies have some pretty impressive techiques for administering a healthy dose of shame (slap) and guilt (silent treatment). Maybe its because you have lots of practice in dealing with insensitive men, lol.

    lol...I never looked at it that way...but it has a ring of truth to it.

    I was thinking that you seem very sincere and yes you have had a dose of medicine already. Punishment should fit the crime, and she will have to eventually come to understand that yes your words ran deep in her and yes it was out of line, however you can't take complete ownership for insecurities that were already there. At some point you both need to have a dialogue on the subject and that includes her expressing how she feels and why it stung so badly...both in her and your face...And no I'm not taking you off the hook..lol..just saying...good luck.
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    Old 04-06-2006, 09:44 PM   #9
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    <<Now all that said, you better grab her butt every chance you get because actiions speak louder than words. She has to know you don't find her "big butt" unattractive, but quite the opposite, and after what you said, it's gonna take some effort, I'll bet.>>

    So you're saying I have to do some serious butt kissing? LOL, sorry I just couldn't let that one go. Hey, I've had a rough week, I need a laugh or two.

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 09:56 PM   #10
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Hahahaha! You know it, boy! Oh, and if you bought that chair, return that sucker. Bad Karma there....

     
    Old 04-06-2006, 10:11 PM   #11
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sam_1980
    "You have already taken a slap in the face and some silent time, so hopefully things will work out."

    I must admit, you ladies have some pretty impressive techiques for administering a healthy dose of shame (slap) and guilt (silent treatment). Maybe its because you have lots of practice in dealing with insensitive men, lol.
    Hey, that's the only things that works! Seriously, though, he shouldn't have made that comment. The severity of the reaction depends on the women's level of pride, though. My friend who has a big butt too, takes abusive comments from her boyfriend with not much protest, but the fact is she's extremely hurt by it. She's just too insecure to openly fight him on it. Well, I think this girl's approach was obviously much better! I don't have personal experience with it since I have a pretty proportional butt, however, if someone made any comments about my breasts being too small, I would slap him too! So, now you do have some butt-kissing to do, no pun intended Just make her feel like she's the most beautiful and sexy woman alive, and you will be ok, trust me.

     
    Old 04-07-2006, 07:34 AM   #12
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Oh dude.......what a low blow! But, it's forgiveable. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we don't mean. It's good that she has an ample rear end though......you'll defenitely be kissing her a** for a long time to come!!

     
    Old 04-08-2006, 07:40 PM   #13
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Well, I dont know if violence is the key... sounds a bit extreme to me... why are women so sensitive about their bodies... my husband has called me fat in the past and i never went around slapping him.. if she is so sensitive about her rear maybe she should be excercising more and eating less instead of slapping people

     
    Old 04-08-2006, 11:54 PM   #14
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    Soulster,
    Excellent point on so many levels, and I hope you expand on that. The fact is that women *do* feel that way but they *shouldn't* feel that way. Why should we be ashamed of our bodies? Also, is slapping someone justified? Hmmmm....

     
    Old 04-09-2006, 04:35 AM   #15
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    Re: Insulted girlfriend during argument

    I'm confused.

    So, does your girlfriend herself think her butt is too big? If she doesn't, then why would she be angry at you for making a comment? It would be the same thing as telling a brunette that they have brown hair.

    But if she herself believes her butt is too big, then she should work to reshape it. Unless it is something she can't change...then she should just accept. I think slapping you was waaaay out of line. I think you should be the angry one.

    I make blunt statements about physical aspects of my boyfriend all the time. And were he to get so mad at me that he told me I had a big booty - I'd laugh because it's TRUE. If I have a big butt, how can I be MAD at someone else for pointing it out? A spade is a spade. Your girlfriend needs to start accepting her body and loosen up a little.
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