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  • 'Waiting for him to call'. I've become one of THEM!

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    Old 04-14-2006, 06:52 AM   #1
    ~Tyger~'s Avatar
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    ~Tyger~ HB User
    'Waiting for him to call'. I've become one of THEM!

    I think I may have been wrong...I'm confused.

    I never thought I'd be one of those girls/women who would wait by the proverbial 'phone', waiting for 'him' to call. I used to hate the thought of being that dependant, and in general, I'm extremely independant. So whats going on with me now?

    After the sexual 'episode' of wednesday with my ex (after over a year), I've been very up&down. One minute not caring less about him - half of the time I even forgot the whole thing had happened, it all seemed so surreal - but the other half of the time I've been checking my mobile for msgs chronically and becoming unreasonably angry and yes, a bit hurt, when there is no sms from him. Sure, i'll msg him and he'll reply. But then i feel like an idiot if I'm always the first to msg, so I wait for him to initiate...but he doesn't.

    It seems pretty clear to an outsider - he's just not interested...right?

    The only reason I have to doubt that is for the simple fact that he was once so besotted with me...and still shows signs. When I'm around him at work his eyes follow me wherever I go, and there is an undeniable chemistry. He is a shy guy, but he will joke and flirt. He will make excuses to hang around after work alot longer than he needs to. He'll drop in at work when he's actually been teaching somewhere else, saying he has 'paperwork' to finish. But then when I ask him what he's doing later, or if he wants to join us (other work ppl) for coffee he excuses himself and makes a quick getaway. He's acting as torn as I feel.

    It seems all melodramatic and stupid, and I'm aware i'm a bit of a waffler because if I know its not going to work, then why torture myself? Maybe because I don't know it won't work. Everyone has that thread of hope in them that maybe they should have faith - maybe there is some predestined plan going on here. There's a reason he's back in my life. And whether he really doesn't want anything, or its his mother interfering, or if he's just as confused himself, I can't tell.

    Or maybe its just that it hurts too bad to realise that the guy that everyone said had secretly wanted me back all along (while he was with the very mismatched woman his mum 'picked' for him after me) is now single, and still hasn't come calling.

    Its all so confusing, I wish I could just open his brain and read what he's thinking. I wish I could stop this ferocious urge to contact him all the time! I always thought I was pretty adjusted and had gotten over him, but I keep feeling like I have to sleep with him, or someone, to keep me from feeling down. Not that I do - in fact hardly at all...I just have that...NEED to wake up next to somebody. Why is this? Does anybody else ever get this way? And now I'm hell-bent on that somebody being him. Oh no, maybe I"m one of those women who uses sex to fill the 'emotional emptiness' inside them! And i'm only 21!

    I'm sorry for the long post. Please tell me your experiences. And whats going on with mine.

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    Old 04-14-2006, 07:06 AM   #2
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    Re: 'Waiting for him to call'. I've become one of THEM!

    First of all, it's been scientifically proven that when women have sex, their bodies release chemicals like oxytocin that create a feeling of euphoria and that make the woman want to bond and be with the man they just slept with. Of course there are other factors that go into whether you are more or less susceptible to this influence, but I'd guess that's part of what's happening to you. He's comfortable, familiar, "safe" to some degree, and your hormones are craving more. Sex is not always as casual as people try so desperately to make it out to be.

    Don't beat yourself up too badly about being "one of those women." It's only natural. But I'd say if you don't want to wait by the phone for him anymore, the first thing you need to do is make the decision to NOT sleep with him again until you get a firm commitment that you are indeed back together and are working things out and trying your best to move forward. Otherwise, you will feel confused and unsettled about it. Be gentle with yourself, acknowledge that you do have conflicting feelings and that there is still a real spark there for you, and that it has the power to really burn you if you let it get out of control. Let him make the next move. If he never does, then you'll know exactly what that night meant to him.

    Old 04-14-2006, 08:17 AM   #3
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    Re: 'Waiting for him to call'. I've become one of THEM!

    I would strongly suggest not to call him on your own. You better show that you have pride, no matter how much you want to call. Better not to rush into having sex. My husband did not want sex before marriage and we were quite old. If man serious about you sex right away won't be important. I don't mean to show that I am better than you. I've done a lot of mistakes, just talking from experience.

    Old 04-14-2006, 08:42 AM   #4
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    Re: 'Waiting for him to call'. I've become one of THEM!

    Sorry to tell you, but you sound like you may be back to step one again, in the healing process. One the plus side you have the anger going for you. You can use it to help yourself get over him. You may heal faster, and completely, this time.
    As for him, he knew he screwed up and should have considered himself dam lucky to get a second chance. If he had any intentions of using that second chance to repair the relationship and, get you back, you would be having no doubts right now because he'd be working doubletime to prove himself to you, shy or not. The fact that he isn't tells me he's content with the way things are between you. He's not working for you, at a time he should be working his hardest, actually he's letting you do all the work. What does that tell you? Don't call him again, let him call you. If he doesn't or waits until he wants sex to do so, that will tell you the truth. If he does call, as hard as I know it will be, no more sex until you are SURE he is willing to commit again and I don't mean puppy dog eyes, as a sign. That just means he sees you as din din.

    Last edited by eve40; 04-14-2006 at 08:47 AM.

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