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  • Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

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    Old 05-05-2006, 07:42 PM   #1
    mrsfriendly
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    Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    My husband has a new girl in his office and she's an awesome worker and she's cute. I am very supportive and like her very much because she's a nice person. She just turned 21 and is married to her longtime boyfriend.

    My husband works at home so I have had the opportunity to see them interact. There have been times when I could feel that there's an attraction between them and I have chosen to turn the other cheek. There were a few glances here and there which bothered me but I really didn't think anything of it. My husband has told his friends that she's "smokin' hot." I always felt that my husband loved me and that if he was attracted to someone else big deal. Nothing would come of it.

    He has gone for lunch with her & her husband, he calls her and she calls him. They talk about work and then chit chat about other things too. He says that the girl invites us as a couple to go out but I have never been told that, nor have I ever joined them socially. So, I feel like I've been excluded. I have mentioned that to him so he is aware that I think he socializes inappropriately with her.

    We all know there are multiple people we could all be with and have fun with. I could easily have married someone else and so could have he. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean you aren't attracted to other people. It happens, right? So, I think this girl is definitely someone he would ask out if I weren't in the picture.

    So, a couple of nights ago my husband had plans to meet a friend for a beer. I thought he was joining his friend right away, but after he left the house he called the girl to see what she was doing. She was at a local club with some friends, without her husband, so he went there for a beer. My husband said he was going to another bar to meet his other friend and the girl offered to join him so he agreed. Her friends went home. They drove seperately to another bar in town and stayed all night. My husband came to bed at 3:00 a.m. The bars close at 1:00 a.m.

    He told me this after we woke up in the morning because he thought it would be a problem. I think he told me because he thought it could get back to me somehow. I got mad and so did he. He said they're just friends and he should be able to have women friends.

    Please tell me what you think. I'm having a very hard time with this because I think it's inapropriate behavior for someone who is married. I don't think he's necessarily cheating, but what I want to know is if I am right to think he shouldn't pursue a friendship with this woman.

    Last edited by mrsfriendly; 05-05-2006 at 08:01 PM. Reason: spelling error

     
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    Old 05-05-2006, 08:12 PM   #2
    Murray67980
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    "I don't think he's necessarily cheating, but what I want to know is if I am right to think he shouldn't pursue a friendship with this woman."


    YES! You are soooo right!
    It's a very difficult situation. Can you become friends with her? If it is "just a friendship", your husband will have no problem with that...
    I hope it all works out for you!!!

     
    Old 05-05-2006, 08:35 PM   #3
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    Hi friendly!

    I have read this and can totally sympathise with you. Just read my last post. At least you are married and that can give you a bit more sense of security, but what can I do?
    He tells me today, if he met somebody more suitable he would leave me.
    I think noone should live with a worry and questionning a partner's commitment.
    I really dont' think he should be hanging out with her that late and making up all kinds of shifty stories. It's a good thing he's honest, but what does that mean? He can honestly tell you one day "I've had sex with her and I'm sorry".
    Is that really going to make a difference, that he was honest?
    My bf feels like I'm trying to tie him down also, but where do you draw the line?

     
    Old 05-05-2006, 08:41 PM   #4
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    I don't know about you but me and my 2 sisters are really good at trusting our instincts, if you ever felt your instincts telling you something and it was then I say trust your instincts. If not then there is nothing to worry.

    on the other hand as I was reading this my instincts tells me there is something going on. I am sorry to hear all this that is happening with your relationship.

     
    Old 05-05-2006, 09:19 PM   #5
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    What is a married man doing hopping bars past midnight with a 21-year-old chick?? And a married chick, no less. Don't buy that friendship BS. You are right to find it both inappropriate and suspicious, because it IS. I think you will need to establish very clear boundaries for him, and remind him that you're not going to tolerate "friendships" of this sort.

     
    Old 05-05-2006, 09:55 PM   #6
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    You said her friends went home, but you weren't clear about his friends. Did they go home as well or were they with your husband and this girl till 3am? If it was just the two of them, what does he have to say for himself about why he was out till 3am when the bars close at 1am? then to get angry with you and get so defensive, insisting he has a right to go around with this girl. I'd say your instincts are right. He's headed toward diddling around with this woman, if he hasn't already.

     
    Old 05-05-2006, 10:39 PM   #7
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    ICK!!!
    If you don't have kids, get out now. If you do, I don't know what to tell you.
    Who cares if he's cheating, or just hanging out platonically with a 21 year old without you? This is a marriage, not filing taxes, you're not supposed to be looking for little loopholes to wriggle through. I suppose if he's not sleeping with her (yet) he's not cheating, just humiliating you and making you miserable.
    His behav is plain slimy. He apparently takes you for a fool. You both know exactly what he was doing from 1 to 3, but he's going to put on this whole offended act to try and make you doubt what you KNOW. Obviously, you feel that if you gave him an ultimatum, get rid of this gal or I'm gone, you'd lose. Or you would have done it already. Dump him before he dumps you.

     
    Old 05-05-2006, 11:01 PM   #8
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    No person, who is married, should be out until all hours of the night partying without their spouse, no matter who they are with!
    From what I read of your post, he is flirting with this woman and using the excuse that they work together. You will find that this will start to happen more and more. Your instincts are right, they are doing more than just working together. Now you need to either catch them or confront both of them. Even if you think you will make a fool out of yourself, they are already playing you for a fool now. I am with the other posters here. Get out of this relationship first. There is someone out there that will treat you with more respect than this skirt chaser will.
    Good luck!

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 03:27 AM   #9
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    readin your post tellin me that you know the truth but you just don't wanna accept it cause you love him but if he loves you then he woudn't have said that girl is "Smokin Hot" don't you think he is already giving you hint that he's sexually attracted to that girl??????I feel sorry for you.you gotta do something before he hurt your feelings saying I'm sorry or maybe he'll never say it and you'll find out from somebody else.

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 07:16 AM   #10
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    Having women friends is one thing. Staying out bar hopping with them all night and coming home at 3 am is something quite different. Does her husband know she is out all night bar hoppiing? Would it benefit your cause if you talk to her or her husband about this?

    At the very least, you need to have a serious talk about this with your husband and make it very clear you will not tolerate this. Don't get mad or get into an argument about this with him. Don't get into this converstation over and over thinking you will wear him down. If he doesn't respect your concern about this, take some action that will let him him know you are in control and serious about this. Just keep it legal. If you let him get away with this, he will have established a boundary of what he will be able to get away with in the future.

    You don't know for certain anything is going on between them other than friendship, but you don't have to. This issue is about respect and what you are willing to put on the line to resolve it. If you don't have respect from the man who was willing to marry you, then what have you got?

    HOOP!! (Winning is not everything. RESPECT is everything)

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 07:45 AM   #11
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    the writing is clearly on the wall here! He is into this girl, no doubt about it! And it probably won't be long before he's literally "INTO HER"!!!! He has no business out like that with her and you at home. This is soooooo obvious and you need to do something now before you get majorly hurt! Who cares if she's married too? Her husband never seems to be around! Do you think that's just a coincidence?? Wake up honey! Confront him NOW and don't wait another minute! If that means him finding another job, then that's what he needs to do! This is disrespectful to you and her smiling to your face is just her cover up for screwing around with your man!

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 08:22 AM   #12
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    Btw, how old is your husband? Is he even in a comparable age group with this 21-year old? And where the heck is her husband, that she's free to go out to bars till 3 am without him?

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 09:04 AM   #13
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    He is up to no good I totaly agree with everyone else here if something didnt happen after the bar then it probably will.I would be down right furious with my husband if he was out with some other woman like that there is noway in heck id just let that go.Your husband getting angry from your questioning as others have said implies he has no respect for you what should matter is that it bothers you even if nothing happened you are his wife and it bothers you for him to be out with another woman and till 3 am! again the writting is on the wall

    also sure of course married men and women find themselves attracted to others at times but that doesnt mean we should act on it

    I hope things work out best for you ......do you two have kids together?

    Last edited by tnmomofive; 05-06-2006 at 09:05 AM.

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 09:36 AM   #14
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    Agree with everyone here that says your husband is making bad choices and is up to no good!

    If my husband was hanging out with a young femal coworking outside of work ever than there is something to worry about!

    Things your husband should never do.
    1) call and talk on the phone with another woman
    2) have dinner or lunch alone with another woman even if it is for work
    3) meeting female coworkers/ or just another woman out at a bar
    4) stay out with another woman till 3am

    The first warning sign is when it is apparent that your husband is attracted to another woman and starts spending time with her and talking to her about other stuff than work.

    Your husband is cheating, clear and simple. And how do you know all these times your husband said he had lunch or dinner with this gal and her husband that the husband was really there??? Cause your husband told you he was? BS meter going off!

    Married men and woman should never ever be alone in any situation with the opposite sex unless it is a sibling, parent, or ayone else biologically related to them!

     
    Old 05-06-2006, 10:02 AM   #15
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    Re: Help - Is my Husband going to cheat?

    I have to agree that this so called female friend is BS. She is more than that and if they havent yet had sex it is only a matter of time. I am sorry this is happening to you. I know exactly how you feel. My husband had a love affair with a beautiful woman at work so my heart goes out to you.

     
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