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    Old 05-07-2006, 04:28 PM   #1
    MrZeely
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    How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Alright to start it off, i love this girl and i respect her in every single aspect. Im honestly in this relationship with her for well, love, not for sex or anything else (and i mean that). But things havent been too great with us lately, and i honestly will discuss things with her. But my first question is, i know that the prom means a ton to her right now, and i dont want to make it worse, i want her to have a great time. But the way we have been lately, i feel like i love her enough to stay in the relationship, but the stress i undergo just isnt motivating me at all. How mean would it be if i dumped her this week, and the prom is this Saturday? Also, if i were to dump her the week after prom, im sure she would assume that its because she wouldnt have sex with me, and thats not the situation AT ALL, but she said she wont give out after prom, and i respect that completely.

    Im not saying im going to do it, but these thoughts have been swirling around in my head lately because this stress is unbearable. I just want to know how i would seem if i did that to her.

     
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    Old 05-07-2006, 06:23 PM   #2
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Sometimes that helps to gain perspective of her side of things. As well, in your heart what is it that you would think would be the best solution to this dilemma? Ask yourself the importance of dumping this person right now. Is it important that you dump her, or have a talk with her about what you really want right now. Such as focusing on your future, college, etc. What is most important to you right now? Whatever you do, do it with a gentle heart, and do not purposefully be hurtful. If you love her, you will do this gently. I would think.

     
    Old 05-07-2006, 06:51 PM   #3
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    If you love her and have any respect for her as you say, then take her to the prom. Don't leave her hanging without a date with the prom coming up next saturday. You will regret it down the road. That is not a way to get back at someone. Your are a much better man than that Lazer.

    You say sex is not the issue, but it is the only thing you referenced specifically in your post.

    Go to the prom with her and then make a decision on whether you are both compatible with each other after the prom.

    Hoop!

     
    Old 05-07-2006, 06:55 PM   #4
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Yeah, you can't dump her before the prom! It will ruin her memories forever. She might never go to the prom or will go there alone and feel terrible. Please don't do this to her.

     
    Old 05-07-2006, 07:28 PM   #5
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Nah, see sex isnt the thing with me, she mentioned it out of nowhere a few times, like for example, i mention that i want to make the prom as nice as i can for her and she comes out with "Im not having sex with you after prom", when i meant that in the sense that i care about her and want her to have a great time.

    I honestly wasnt planning on doing that to her, i mean dumping her before/right after prom. I love her, and i took her perspective and decided that i cant do that to her, she'd be torn apart if i did that. I WANT to stay with her, i honestly do, but this stress build up i get is tearing me apart.

    As for my priorities, honestly, right now i want to graduate high school with a good GPA and work on college next year. Then i want to spend as much time with my family as i can. Then soon after those two, shes on the top of the list, i care about her way too much to just do anything mean like that to her. Its just bugging me that such a thought would be in my mind.

     
    Old 05-07-2006, 08:38 PM   #6
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    i think a lot of the stress in your relationship lately is brought on by yourself. Judging by your other threads, and this one. I mean, yeah, she doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you'd like. Yeah, she's not as serious about this as you are. Probably doesn't love you as much as you love her. BUT, you've never mentioned that she treats you badly, she doesn't cheat on you, backstab you, isn't using you. I think you know that this relationship isn't going to survive past the end of this school year at the very longest. But I also don't see how or why it's generating such a high level of stress for you. Couldn't you just relax, take it in stride? I know you love her, she means a lot to you. But, you have school and your family and other things to occupy your time. You could, if you wanted to, relax, let your relationship become more casual, enjoy her company without worrying that she doesn't want to hang out with you or thinking that she's sending you mixed signals. Just....enjoy having someone to share the end of senior year with, go to prom with, possibly even the summer...just don't worry about where it's going to go after that, or whether she's as in love with you as you are with her. If you sat back and looked at this from an outside point of view, I'm pretty sure that you'd realize that there isn't a whole lot to be stressed about with this relationship itself. You'll have plenty of time in your adult life to stress over serious relationships. So do'nt let this one overshadow an important time in your life.

     
    Old 05-07-2006, 09:14 PM   #7
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Yeah, you can't dump her before the prom! It will ruin her memories forever. She might never go to the prom or will go there alone and feel terrible. Please don't do this to her.
    but if he dumps her the week after, she'll be questioning if the prom was all fake too...

     
    Old 05-07-2006, 10:08 PM   #8
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    I didn't think you would dump her either, but I just wanted to hear you say it.

    Why would she make a comment such as "I'm not having sex with you after the prom"? Have your been pestering her! LOL Is there a correlation here between that comment she made and the stress you are experiencing?

    You are just in high school. You have your whole life ahead of you. Concentrate on your studies. Go to college and see/experience the world.

    HOOP! (Mooooonnnnn Riverrrrrr!)

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 01:24 AM   #9
    MysteriousGuy
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Prom isn't a big deal, dump her if you have to.

    On the other hand, I could be just saying that because I am not going to mine (I'm a senior as well), I don't even have a date to begin with and I dropped out of hs recently with GED. I'm good looking man and I can't even get a date. I suppose, **** happens and life is never fair for me nor it is for many people.

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 03:56 AM   #10
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MysteriousGuy
    Prom isn't a big deal, dump her if you have to.

    On the other hand, I could be just saying that because I am not going to mine (I'm a senior as well), I don't even have a date to begin with and I dropped out of hs recently with GED. I'm good looking man and I can't even get a date. I suppose, **** happens and life is never fair for me nor it is for many people.


    Prom and high school may not be a big deal to you, but it is for most people - esp. girls! Don't tell this poor boy that prom isn't a big deal when I am a female and know it is a big deal for girls. She has probably spent $200 on a dress, will spend $100 on nails and hair, and will also have to buy shoes. With all that money spent, I am sure it is a big deal to her!!!!

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 05:27 AM   #11
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Yeah prom is a huge deal to her, and i know this because she mentions it a lot. Like i said, i want to stay with her, but at this rate all i can do is just bite my lip and hang in there until the summer, im just praying things will level out and get better then. I dont have that much left, i have 10 more days until im finished with school, and she has just a little over that (maybe 14-15). After exams, and school and everything im assuming she will be more relaxed about everything.

    As for the sex thing, i have not mentioned sex to her ONE TIME. I understand why she is all paranoid about it, but it just bothered me when she said that. One time i told her i want the prom to be as special as i can make it, and i meant that in the sense that i care about her and i want it to be nice for her since it means alot to her, and she says "Im not going to have sex with you after prom, Pawel", well i wasnt even planning on it. Then a little later that day i complimented her on her eyes, because well, i find them just gorgeous, and she just blushed, i asked if it was a good blush or a bad blush and she said "Im just not sure if when a guy gives a compliment is it because he is being sweet or is it just because he is trying to get in my pants", then i asked which one of those i am, and she said "You're just Pawel" (Pawel is my name by the way, pronounced Paul). Things havent been as great as i wanted them to be, or still want them to be, but im sort of getting that learned helplessness feeling, i know i cant spend almost any time with her at all, and im just getting around the corner to accepting that feeling. It kind of sucks, but at least im learning to accept it.

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 08:31 AM   #12
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Your girlfriend sounds young and immature yet. She probably isn't very confident and doesn't know how to take compliments. Just be the best boyfriend you know how to be. She will learn to repsect and trust you. She is afraid of being pressured into something she isn't ready for, and she probably thinks that sex is the only thing on your mind b/c it is for most young teenagers.

    But honestly, if you are unhappy, which you seem to be, you may want to call it quits over the summer. Get a summer job and hang with friends. You may even find a new girlfriend. You post a lot about your girlfriend and I think you like saying that you have a "girlfriend" but in reality, you are getting nothing from this relationship. When I mean nothing, I mean nothing "emotionally" in return. You want attention and she doesn't give it to you. That is understandable and I wouldn't stick with someone like that.

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 12:03 PM   #13
    MrZeely
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    You're right, and honestly, today i was just about ready to end it but the thought of the prom is in the back of my mind and i cant get myself around to saying it.

    But today i felt sick in the morning, and chances are its linked to the stress so i missed the first half of school. When i was just laying around the house, i decided to write her a note apologizing about things i have done, and telling her the truth about how i honestly feel, and then i told her i want to know what she feels about the note. I gave it to her at the beginning of class and i asked her at the end of the class what she has to say about it, she just got all touchy about it and said she doesnt even know what im talking about, i asked if she even read it and she said yes, and she said she will talk to me later about it. That basically means she wont ever talk to me about it. Then outside of class i talked to her again about it, and she just tried to avoid me by walking into the bathroom, i ask if she is just mad at me and she says shes confused while she went in to the bathroom. Im honestly fed up with this crap, i mean, i tried to be a gentleman and come clean with my feelings and settle things, and she just avoids it even more.

    Holy hell, maybe its just the current mood im in, but this is just making me go insane. I might calm down later and say how i feel, but as of now i cant take this anymore. If she puts nothing into the relationship and always avoids me when i try to settle things out, i dont know anymore. I wish the prom wasnt this weekend, ugh.

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 02:01 PM   #14
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Why in the world were you apologizing to her? What have you done to her? I would be confused too if I were her. You are putting so much thought into this relationship and it is obvious she barely thinks about the relationship. She sees things fine as they are - they are how she wants them. However, things are not how you want them, because in reality, you want more from her.

    My advice - go to prom with her and if things don't get better soon after that, then break up. Why wait for the summer? You aren't happy and you are sinking too much time into this. You both want different things in your relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. It just means perhaps you are not compatible. In a nutshell, she doesn't want a very serious relationship.

    Hope you feel better.

    Last edited by KeltoKel; 05-08-2006 at 02:03 PM.

     
    Old 05-08-2006, 04:31 PM   #15
    MrZeely
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    Re: How mean would it be to dump your girlfriend...

    Ah its because i kind of ignored her for 2-3 days just to see if she puts an effort into contacting me, and i honestly do feel bad about that, i really did ignore her for a few days.

    But i have relaxed since i last posted, its still the same feeling though, just not as aggressive. Just the little incident we had today, i just got so ****** off i couldnt do anything but get mad. Now that i've cooled off, i dont know, i want to date her but i dont want to put up with the crap i've been dealing with. Prom is this weekend, i dont want to leave her hanging for that, or myself either. If i dump her soon after prom, she is just going to assume its because she didnt have sex with me (which like i said, does NOT matter to me). There doesnt seem to be any right answer to this.

     
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