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__simon__ 05-25-2006 05:07 AM

help me be nicer
 
I'm horrible, i treat my girlfriend so badly and donít know why, i wake up in the worst mood every morning, and we end up falling out b4 work, I donít trust her, Iím controlling and aggressive(not physically), do you think I could be suffering form depression.

im at a loss i keep pushing her away, i love her and we are engaged and living together, i dont know how to sort out my trust issues.

whe things are good, im lovely to her i treet her like a princess, but when shes not doing what i want i dont like it, and i start being mean....

Katie123 05-25-2006 05:16 AM

Re: help me be nicer
 
I think you should go and talk to someone and find out if you are depressed . I was in a relationship like yours before and to be honest it nearly destroyed me . My boyfriend was the same amazing when I was doing what he wanted and then he'd flip out if anything irritated him . You can never know the effect this has on someone . Living on a rollercoaster is hell . I got out eventually a year ago and didn't talk to him for an year , we did talk recently and he says that he was depressed . My situtation ended up much worse thatn you describe but that's how it started . At least you're acknowledging your behaviour but get help before you lose your girlfriend she deserves better and will find that out soon enough . My ex would do anything to take back the things he did but it's too late don't let that happen to you .

rosequartz 05-25-2006 08:20 AM

Re: help me be nicer
 
depressed? I don't know......sounds more like borderline personality disorder to me......you push people away and then try to pull them back.
check out the personality disorders board and read up on BPD.....

jenna_250 05-25-2006 08:29 AM

Re: help me be nicer
 
I think you need to see a doctor and possibly get counselling. I also think you shouldn't be wtih anyone right now if you are going to treat them this way. If you were my boyfriend I would have kicked you to the curb ages ago for this behaviour.

Being controlling and aggressive is not ok, and if your girlfriend is putting up with that she must have a few self esteem issues as well. I think you need to take a good hard look at yourself and try to fix it. That could mean alot of work with counselling or whatever the case may be, could even mean ending this relationship, but unless you want to live like this for the rest of your life, you had better do something about it. It could be a combination of depression, anxiety, low self esteem, who knows, we could only guess.

strongernow 05-25-2006 06:44 PM

Re: help me be nicer
 
Well sure it probably is being a narcissist with borderline traits but that doesn't teach him to interact better with his woman. You probably need your space and you need some time apart and time to relax and do what you like. Also you also may have grown too far apart and maybe you don't like her as much as you thought. Maybe she has a passive aggressive personality and she is making you angry and you didn't even know it. So you could have had a ton of resentments piled up for a long time. So is any of this possible?

Mr.G 05-25-2006 09:10 PM

Re: help me be nicer
 
I would not say he is a narcissit. Narcissist have no remorse for what they do for others. This guy is admitting fault. I don't know the whole story, but I am guessing you have had some bad realtionships in the past. Got cheated on, abandoned or something. That generally is when trust issues arise. You take your pain from the past and cast it on to others...because you want them to feel the pain you felt. That is not healthy for you, and defiantly not healthy for her. She must really love you or has a low self esttem to take the abuse. Have you two talked about it? I know I had a friend who was this way. Always moody with his GF. They constantly faught. He had a bad experience at college where he was blamed for attempted rape when he did nothing. It messed him up. Where does your problem steam from. Let it out, it will help.
Just remeber when you feel those emotions of anger start to arise...IGNORE them. Turn some music on, go jogging or something. Change your state of mind of think of the things that make you happy. You have conditioned yourself to respond in a certain manner when feel those emotions getting stirred. But mainly you have to admit fault to her...be a man, not a coward. You have to grow.I Good luck and ask me anything for help.

ohiogal23 05-26-2006 10:16 AM

Re: help me be nicer
 
I treated my ex-boyfriend very badly as well...it turns out I did this because I knew in my heart that he wasn't the one for me, but I would never admit it to myself, so I took it out on him instead. You could have a medical condition, but also maybe you are just dealing with your underlying feelings?

BetsyJean 05-26-2006 10:39 AM

Re: help me be nicer
 
My boyfriend was abused as a child. An adopted child at that. He was raised in a dysfunctional family and never ever saw what a healthy loving relationship was like.
He had no frame of reference.
It was awful for me. I loved him as much as you can love a person who is a part of you.
But I couldn't live with the addictions, jealousy, possessiveness, etc.

What do I wish he had done?
Got counseling.
Let go of me before he left me with these emotional scars.

kitkat77 05-26-2006 11:08 AM

Re: help me be nicer
 
I have anxiety and depression and YES it does make one "mean". Not mean spirited (purposefully mean) but it causes you to react to situations in terrible ways. Basically it's all about loss of control. The littlest thing will make me snap (over-react) and I say or do hurtful things. Ordinarily I am happy, kind hearted and laid back (honestly!), but certain situations set me off. Only those closest to me know I behave this way -- others believe I am very well balanced. Ironically, I react well to HUGE problems (REAL issues). I know a few people who suffer from anxiety and depression and they are the same way. Trust issues are a biggie.

Seeing as how you wake up this way I would definately see a doctor about treatment. You could be behaving this way because you are not sleeping well (effectively). I used to wake up crusty every morning too. It's one of the worst feelings ever to be crabby, know that it's coming from WITHIN, and be unable to stop it. You take it out on the nearest person, all the while knowing it's not their fault (but you can't help it). It's like you hate everything and nothing is good enough so all you see are the negative things.

For those who think this is a joke -- narcisstic people have an overinflated ego and they could care less about what they've done. Depression, although sometimes makes you behave as if you think you are perfect, is due to low self esteem. It's all twisted but very real.

For those who don't understand -- women, imagine yourselves having constant PMS. Men, imagine constant road rage. It's the same feeling.

Other than being on meds (which DOES help to correct the mood swings) the only thing that helps is to be AWARE when you are feeling grumpy and try to avoid conversation until the mood passes because you WILL find things to argue about! Apologize to your gf for your behavior and tell her it's not her fault so she doesn't take it personal. However, I would definately seek treatment because there aren't many people willing to put up with this from their partners.

brook65 05-26-2006 01:37 PM

Re: help me be nicer
 
Strongernow and Mcgunther, this gentleman was asking questions as to why he was behaving in a certain way towards his girlfriend! he is obviously confused as to why he is treating someone he loves nice one minute, and then badly the next minute. He is asking for opinions as to why he may be behaving in this way.

I suggested he look into narcisism as I have been out with a narcisstic person, and recognised some traits. Also there is two types of narcisstic personality types.

I was merely making a suggestion to look it up, as to that is basically what this guy was asking for, suggestions etc.

simon111 06-07-2010 02:22 PM

Re: help me be nicer
 
i just put a post up myself i googled the same question your asking and a page on nasrcisim came up...i read it and it described me...im ashamed of the way i am with my girlfriend iv never hit her but i know im destroying her mentally...i have arguments that i know are not called for but continue to do it after every one i know im in the wrong but i cant help not doing it...


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