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  • Having Mutual Friends While Dating...

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    Old 05-28-2006, 05:11 PM   #1
    CyberNick's Avatar
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    CyberNick HB User
    Having Mutual Friends While Dating...

    When me and my ex look back on our relationship, one of the biggest things that always comes up is the lack of mutual friendships and "couple" friends that we had. I noticed this too, but never really saw it as a relationship breaker.

    Now that I think back on things, maybe it was unhealthy. I tended to totally seperate my life with friends from my life with my girlfriend. She always hated that she wasn't included in typical "guy" activities with my friends, such as going to parties, playing sports/ surfing, going out to bars, or etc. The excuse I usually used was that basically all of my friends were single, so I would feel awkward with my girlfriend kind of "tagging along" while we all hung out and acted goofy. After all, they never tried to coax me into cheating or into engaging in promiscuous activities with other women.

    She would try to get me to go out with her friends at times, most that were couples, but I was just never that interested. For some reason I always saw my time with friends and times with my girlfriend as independent parts of life.

    For those of you in relationships, do you guys share mutual friendships or go out with friends a lot? It seems like something that would be good for a relationship, just something that I neglected to really think about as being of high importance. If you both tend to have seperate friendships, how can you attempt to bring those friendships together, especially when most of your friends are single and hers are couples?

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    Old 05-29-2006, 08:08 AM   #2
    Join Date: Jan 2006
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    jenna_250 HB User
    Re: Having Mutual Friends While Dating...

    Well my husband and I are married wtih one child. And no, we haven't really " merged" friends. We know each other friends on a casual basis sure, but he still has his friends, and I still have my friends. It hasn't really been a problem. Sure, sometimes for special occasions we might all hang out, but for the most past I still have my " girls' nights and he has his " guys" nights and we don't really feel the need to always be included. I have no real desire to hang out with him and his freinds on a regular basis, and I think he feels the same. I personally think it's healthy to maintain a bit of your own identity, but that's just me. We do have one couple friend who also has a child that we do see to do family type outings with the kids. I know some disagree and think that if you are a couple the other part of the couple should always be invited, but we don't really feel that way. I'm going on a girls trip to Vegas next month, and my husband is definitely not invited, it's just girls and it just wouldn't be the same if my husband was there. My husband and I will then take a couples trip at the end of the summer, so it's not all or nothing.

    Old 05-29-2006, 06:17 PM   #3
    Join Date: Jul 2005
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    caput1996 HB Usercaput1996 HB User
    Re: Having Mutual Friends While Dating...

    I don't know. It's kind of hard to say one way or the other. It depends on the couple and the type of relationship you have. In my case, my husband and I are both from a very small town where everybody knows everybody. We know each other's friends but don't really hang out together like that. Most of his friends are single and do things that I have little interest in doing such as playing pool, shooting basketball, or going to strip clubs. About half of my friends are single and the other half are married, but we usually hang out in the mall, have dinner, or every once in a while go to the club. Every now and then, either one of his friends or one of mine will have a party or some type of get-together and we'll go together. But we currently do not have a "couple" friend that we hang out with regularly, although I think it would be fun and healthy for our relationship.

    Although I don't think you should totally separate your life with friends from your relationship, I don't think it's absolutely necessary to have another couple to hang out with. I'm sure that at least one of your friends has a girlfriend/wife, so I would suggest maybe including your girlfriend in some of your "guy activities" when another girlfriend/wife is there.

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