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  • I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

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    Old 06-10-2006, 03:12 PM   #1
    KaraKaraKara
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    I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    I have never been in such a difficult situation in my life. I met up with an old high school friend (male) no more then a month ago, we went out, did a lot of things, etc etc... Mean while, I've told my ex boyfriend EVERYTHING, I never left anything out. I told him about how my friend was coming onto me a lot, and everything. All he ever said was "well maybe you shouldn't see him anymore." But, I liked his friendship, so I kept giving him chances. Some background, by ex boyfriend and I have had A WONDERFUL relationship, did the whole long distance thing, and now he's back. We've been together 9 months. So, I was confused that maybe I was getting feelings for my friend, but NOW I know that I just realy wanted a close friend. He wanted other things. I told my ex boyfriend that we should go on a small break from eachother so I could figure things out. I did, I was going to get rid of my friend, but instead we slept together. I told my ex boyfriend, and he was SO UPSET... he considers it cheating, even though technically we were on a break. And to me, it feels like cheating too. All of this has happend about a week ago. My ex boyfriend (yeah, he broke up with me) was just so upset, and he hasn't hardly talk to me since, and feels like we could never go back to our relationship. Even though I feel/ and have told him that what I did with the friend was a mistake, and I don't know what I was thinking, or why I did it. I cry every day for what I did, what I lost and what I can't have back. I wish so bad for us to try to work things out, but he just doesn't seem to want to. He says he wants to "heal alone" but when i stopped by his house to give him back a shirt early in the morning, a female answered the door. A friend, yes, but how is he "healing alone?" I wish I could fix things. Does anyone have any advice what I can tell him, what I can say to encourage him to work on our relationship, and not head for the hills? I can't MAKE HIM, I know, but I'm sorry, and I wish I could just delete my "friend" out of my life and persue the person I love. Please help me. I do believe that relationships can work after something like this, it was a one time thing, and I regret it. Why does he hate me, and how can I/we fix it... Thank you guys.

    Last edited by KaraKaraKara; 06-10-2006 at 03:12 PM.

     
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    Old 06-10-2006, 04:56 PM   #2
    Veronica_Mars
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    I'm not totally sure you can fix this, but I completely identify with and understand where you are coming from. When you screw up and make a mistake, all you can really do is try to learn from it, not repeat it, apologize, and make amends if possible. Some men are willing to forgive cheating in some situations, and others aren't--that's his choice. All you can do is explain that you are sorry, that you didn't want to hurt him, that it will never happen again, etc. But honestly, I don't think he is the right man for you if he cannot get over this and give you another chance. If he really wanted to make it work, he has that within his power, but unfortunately, it's kind of out of your hands now. I'm going through something similar and boy is it tricky...anyway I wish you well, and no matter what, try not to stress out too much or beat yourself up about your mistakes.

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 05:33 PM   #3
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    Most guys will dump a gf the first time she cheats, unlike a lot of women who will cling to hope for years. I think most guys are a little wiser in this area.

    You said you figured things out and you decided to end the friendship with this guy. Instead you slept with him. All I can do is look at it from my own past experiences with cheating boyfriends. I would never be able to fully trust that person again. In order to protect myself from further hurt, I would have to end the relationship. Maybe that's what he's doing too. I don't know.

    I do know this breakup is very painful to you. I'm so sorry. I don't think he hates you Kara. It does sound like he has decided to move on though.

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 05:46 PM   #4
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    Hi Kara, you say your recent ex boyfriend you were with for 9 months as a long distance relationship. You met up with an old friend who obviously likes you, and you were then confused about your feelings for your boyfriend! your boyfriend is then back on the scene, and you decieded to suggest a break from him to try and work out your feelings!

    But during this break you carried on seeing your friend and then slept with him!

    You told your boyfriend who you were on a break from and he said you had cheated and dumped you! well I tend to see his point, you were confused, he gave you your space, the relationship was not over, you were supposed to be working through your feelings! the fact you slept with this freind, your now ex boyfriend would of felt that you had him on stand by, whilst you were with this freind, to see how you felt about the freind!

    The fact that you slept with this friend, that in itself should be enough for you to know that your feelings for your then boyfriend were not deep, and as real as perhaps you would now hope!

    Nine months is no time, he was also away some of that time, if you had been sure of your feelings for him, you wouldn't of been so easily led.

    I think you want your ex back now, because he now doesn't want you!

    I am sorry this seems to have back fired for you, do him and yourself a favour and move on.

    Good luck

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 07:37 PM   #5
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    cheating is one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone you supposedly care about. I mean, you slept with this other guy. You two shared your body with each other and the image of that is probably eating at your boyfriend ( or ex boyfriend)! Can you imagine how you would feel if he had cheated on you? Like I just wrote in another thread, all you can do is ask him to forgive you. But if he chooses to not see you anymore, can you really blame him? Trust is a BIG issue in relationships, and it's gone now! Now, you have to be willing to give him his space and decide what he wants to do. If that means he don't want to see you anymore, then so be it. You will have to move on and learn from this and hopefully you will not do this again in your next relationship. I wish you both luck in whatever happens!

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 07:45 PM   #6
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    MS, you give great advice, just like Brook. I noticed you live in SC, I live there sometimes too! I love the food and the weather and the ocean. I'm not a southern girl, I'm actually from the northeast, but I like to see all the SC people here...it seems like a lot of them have a lot of wisdom to offer others.

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 08:31 PM   #7
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    thanks Veronica! Yeah, I am South Carolina born and raised! Myrtle Beach and Charleston are my favorite places here! What part of SC do you live in? I'm just outside of Columbia! I noticed you said you live here sometimes? During the summer? Do you have any family here? Not being nosey or anything, just curious!

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 08:38 PM   #8
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    Yeah, SC is the best! We have been vacationing in Charleston and also in this place called Kiawah Island since I was a baby (I'm from PA and CT originally, now I live in MN), and I love it there...so cool to meet other people who live there! I just go for vacation sometimes, as the winters get brutal up north . Anyway, I am jealous; it's a great place to live and I hope you are happy there. I've driven through the state a few times and all in all I think you made a good choice of homes, definitely . And to the original poster, how are things going?

     
    Old 06-10-2006, 08:47 PM   #9
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    oh yes! I'm very happy here! I would never live anywhere else although I have been to CT and Mass. and I think it's absolutely beautiful there too! Kiawah Island is awesome! I've been there so many times and my parents have a time share and go there pretty often too!

     
    Old 06-11-2006, 05:57 AM   #10
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    You can give him a little bit of time to maybe come around but he may know from past experiences that he will never be able to trust you anymore and doesn't want to deal with that kind of pain. He's stronger than I am...I'd be one to try and make it work out but stay bitter forever...that's not a good relationship. If he's truely that hurt by what you did to him, it's best if you break up because it will always be gnawing at him.
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    Old 06-12-2006, 03:26 PM   #11
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    Re: I cheated once, and I'm so sorry.

    Once a cheater, always a cheater. Your ex is probably thinking that right now. You have crossed a boundary for him, and it is a deal breaker for most people. I know it would be for me. I do know people that have cheated and worked through the relationship though, and I also know people that have been cheated on and now have baggage such as trust issues because of the cheating, and the chances they gave to work things out. It is really what he can forgive and what he can't. He may very well love you, but if he can't forgive you and forget this, there is no hope. If this is a deal breaker for him, then you will have to realize that you messed up and let him come to his own decision, in his own time. I would advise to not sleep with the friend again, or anyone else for that matter, because if he cares and is considering working this out with you, he is paying attention to what you are doing.

     
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