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  • PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!I can't shake off the feeling....

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    Old 06-13-2006, 07:00 PM   #1
    blancanieve's Avatar
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    Red face PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!I can't shake off the feeling....

    Ok, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He has never cheated on me well I hope he hasn't, but for some reason I am ALWAYS paranoid about it because of his really suspicious behavior for the following reasons:

    First of all I have his aim password ( I know its bad) and he constantly adds these sn's that are obviously girl sn's. The weird thing about it is that I'm 99% sure he doesn't IM them and probably doesn't even know them....I know this because I have stayed on his sn for a while and the girls have never IMed him, I have even IMed some of the girls using another sn and some of them are girls that live in other states... Not only that but I have even typed their user names onto my space, sites where you can meet other people, and found SOME of these girls on it (their sn was on their page therefore I knew it was them), some of these girls are girls that I know wouldn't even be his type ( I saw their pics)...
    I would just like to know why does he do this? What's the point of adding people to your buddylist and not talking to them? Why are they only girls? It bothers me alot because we have argued in the past about talking to people online because he accused me of it even though I haven't...and then I get his password and he has all of these girls on his buddylist and he told me he only has family members and some of his friends on his also bothers me because he told me that I should block anyone who isn't on my buddylist and I did and I told him to do the same and when I log onto his name he hadn't!

    I know this is also bad but I have his email passwords too ..... although I have not yet found ANY emails from any girls that I don't know, only one by a girl he was talking to before he met me but it was just like a "how are you doing type email", I just find it really weird how every single time he checks his email he immediately puts it into the trash and then deletes his trash RIGHT AWAY. I make sure I log onto his email before he has the chance to, to make sure I don't find anything "suspicious"

    Also he has the habit of ALWAYS deleting his call history on his phone, and his text messages...... it's like he has to erase all of his tracks...

    Another thing that bothers me is that I know he can get away with talking to a girl and say its someone else because he can easily just change the name of the person on his phone. I know he can do this because once my friend called me and he jokingly said how do I know it's really her you can just change the name on your cell and say it's her...

    But I also always think to myself that there is no way he can cheat because he works most of the day and when he doesn't he's on the phone with me or he is with me.....He always tells me he loves me, always compliments me and does mostly everything right... I have asked him before if he would ever cheat on me and he says no. But then I go back again pondering my head off on his suspicious behavior which I have stated above...I can't stop myself.....

    I am really confused about whether or not I should be paranoid....What would you think? And how can I stop myself from constantly wondering this...I know it's bad that I always have to snoop around but I can't stop myself, the thought of him cheating on me gives me a headache (seriously)...

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    Old 06-13-2006, 07:45 PM   #2
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    Re: PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!I can't shake off the feeling....


    I know that suspicion can really drive you insane, but I would hope that you understand that you have some jealousy issues to settle with your boyfriend. The best thing you can do is to speak with him, and be completely honest. If he lies to you that's one thing, but I know for example, with me, I delete my trash and stuff all right away, cause I know I'll forget to do it later. I think for some people stuff like that is just automatic and they don't think about it. I can relate to the jealousy and suspicion, and I know what it does to your head, it's so intense and overwhelming. All you can do is either speak to him about it, and come to some sort of a resolution, or you can choose to trust him, and if he cheats on you, realize that you don't want to be with someone like that anyways.

    Hope I helped you!!

    Old 06-14-2006, 11:19 AM   #3
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    Re: PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!I can't shake off the feeling....

    Wow, I think you're being overly jealous. I don't think you should have to be this paranoid and you shouldn't have to check up on him like that especially if you spend so much time together.

    Jealousy is usually a sign of your own insecurities about yourself. So, to help you with this, you need to look inside yourself and find ways to feel better about yourself.

    It is just amazing how all the new technology has changed the way relationships work. It does make it so much easier for people to cheat.

    Does he know you have his passwords? And if so, do you ever ask him where he gets all these sn's to add? Maybe girls try to get added to his list and he just accepts them all? And maybe he does just clean out his trash all the time because he doesn't like it to build up? At least if he's deleting it, those messages couldn't have been that important to him.

    How would you feel if he was this suspicious of you?

    Old 06-14-2006, 11:58 AM   #4
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    Unhappy Re: PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!I can't shake off the feeling....

    It's not that I am even a jealous person, I don't consider myself to be a really insecure person. I know that my problem is really being able to trust him but I don't know why because he hasn't done anything to lose my trust yet. I am like this with everyone, family members, friends; I am always expecting the worst out of everyone.....I know I am extremely pessimistic... But for some reason knowing and expecting someone to screw me over makes me feel better....than the thought of being screwed over and not knowing at all. I don't know if that makes any sense.....But let me just put it this way, it makes me feel better knowing that I know he's not cheating on me, but also knowing that I know I can catch him if he were to. But when I think of being cheated on and not having a clue it makes me feel sick.

    I really don't know what to do inorder to trust him and other people more...

    He doesn' know that I have his passowords at all, except for one of em (email account), but I think he forgot that I had it.

    Old 06-14-2006, 12:30 PM   #5
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    Re: PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!I can't shake off the feeling....

    Well, I can say that I totally understand where you're coming from, because that post could have been written by me. And I am neither insecure nor insanely jealous! Actually, I suffer from anxiety and OCD and have these same type of thoughts and behaviors. For those who don't understand -- I can REALLY make a mountain out of a molehill by simply thinking, and am compelled to snoop (VERY hard to stop this). I spend an unreasonable amount of time thinking and worrying over the "what if's", and can link anything I find as reason for suspicion. I'm not saying that you suffer the same affliction as I, but you never know! For me it only takes one teeny tiny thing "out of place" to start the ball rolling (like a hang up call).

    Anyway, I don't really think that he's cheating. Males are very different than females in many ways and the messenger/buddy thing is one of them (ego boost). You have no other real facts to go on, but rather a few perceived ones. Try to focus on the things he really is doing, rather than the ones you THINK he is. And Whatever you do, do NOT accuse him of cheating just because it's something you "feel".

    P.S. My husband is aware of my "condition" and that I snoop and "go looking" for trouble. It's like this -- I don't WANT him to cheat, but I want to CATCH him doing it! ??? Sometimes he understands and other times he goes ballistic. He's a good man. I hope.

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