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  • Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

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    Old 06-15-2006, 08:10 AM   #1
    dsteenbock
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    Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    This Is kinda long and complicated. My girlfriend had a breakdown while I was picking up our daughter from school and taken by the police to a pyschiatric hospital where she stayed for 5 days. I'd noticed strange behavior for 2 days prior to this happening and chalked It up to mixing meds. (She has chronic back pain and takes muscle relaxers and oxycodone She had taken some aleve along with It, and i thought that might have caused the strange behavior) The doctors diagnosed her as being Bi polar. Anyway, when she got out, she told me she met this guy in the hospital and felt a connection to him. She said God Is bringing them together. Her brother and I finally talked her out of this mindset and things seemed to go back to normal for a few weeks.
    Just a couple of days ago, she breaks up with me again saying this time God is directing her towards this guy she had a one night stand with a couple of years ago. We still sleep in the same bed, and are still Intimate, but she says she Is single. This is tearing me apart inside. Yesterday we went to her doctor, and the doctor changed her meds. I'm hoping that this helps clear her mind and she'll realize that thinking God Is making her break up with me and her destiny Is with this other guy is all nonsense.
    I've been trying to tell her this, but It's not doing much good. I want her to talk to our pastor and she agreed. I'm hoping he will tell her that God wouldn't make her do such a thing. I'm also considering getting her set up with a pyschiatrist. Do you think that would help? I love her with all my heart, and I can't just let her walk away like this, or walk away myself, when I know she Isn't thinking right. She says she doesn't feel any love for me, or the kids after her breakdown, which proves she just can't be thinking right about this whole situation.

    Any comments, Ideas, or similar experiences more than welcome.

    Thanks for reading.

     
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    Old 06-15-2006, 12:01 PM   #2
    Hurtingoverbp
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    Dsteen:

    Fasten your seat belt and hold on for the ride of your life. I was engaged to someone that was diagnosed with BPII and it was the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. Now that the realtionship is over, I can at least give you some advice that may of helped me. First of all, you and your girlfriend need to read the Bipolar Survival Guide What you and your family need to know. I don't remember the author. A Doctor out of Boulder University. It's impairative for you to read this if she won't. IN fact read everything you can on this illness. Next get help and lots of it. Your girlfriend sounds like she is in her manic stage right now, which with many BP's sparks strong sexual urges and permiscous behavior. She feels like she is on top of the world right now and she will become angry at you for stopping her or trying to calm her down. IF you can get her into a physciatrist, do it ASAP so she can get on the right medications. The medications will help, but they aren't a cure. This is now a lifer and an illness that has to be dealt with day to day. It's not going to be easy. Had I known what I know now, I would have run the day he told me he had this illness and I know that's hard for people here to hear that have the illness. But with him, his family was in denial of his illness, and even when he did horrible things to other people, they stood by him. I would say there were the type of parents that if he ever murdered someone they would never believe it and defend him completely. So I was fighting a losing battle with them. You have a child with your girlfriend, and understandably love her. My advice would be to read as much as you can and seek out a qualified Doctor and therapist. Good luck I really wish you the best and hope you can work through this with her.

     
    Old 06-16-2006, 02:58 AM   #3
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    Hi, first of all can i say that hurtingoverbp, i dont think it was very nice about what you said about running for the door. I understand that it must have been a difficult situation for you especially when your partner was the type of person that you describe him to be but i have bipolar too and i am in a relationship which i cry over everyday because i feel my bipolar will ruin my partners life and i should leave him but i cant live without him.
    I'm sorry for your experience and i hope you find a healthy relationship but when reading your post i was offened because it isnt all crazy like the ride of your life it just depends on the individual and how you deal with the illness.

    dsteenbock - I am sorry to hear that you are going through this situation with your wife. It is going to be difficult to start off with because it is her initial episode and she probably doesnt know that shes manic. She also needs to find the right medication which will probably be a mood stabiliser.

    I was diagnosed bipolar about a year ago after i had a mental/nervous breakdown and then went through depression and then into mania. At the time i did not believe that i was manic. I thought i had recovered from my depression and i was happy.I had alot of self confidence and i was very high. I had to be hospitalised because i refused to take medication at home (had bad experiences with meds whilst depressed) and it was at hospital where i was treated.

    During my manic phase i also felt i had a strong connection with god. I felt i had a special bond with him and i was sent to make the world a better place for women and children. I thought i could bring about world peace (strange i know). I also met soemone in hospital whilst still being with my partner and i fort i should try have a relationship with him. However i deeply loved my partner and i couldnt do anything with no-one else. I only thought about being with the person i met in hospital because i thought i should be with someone with a mental illness because they would know what to expect from me and i shouldnt put my partner through stress. But i love my partner too much and the other guy was just someone who i could relate to in hospital (same age, ethnicity, background).

    I think you should definatley take yo gf to see a psychiatrist because they are experienced in this area (of course) and it should be them who perscribe the medication depending on assessment and what they see. What medication is she on now? Are they mood stabilisers?

    I think taking her to see a paster is also a good idea because she will more likely to listen to the pastor because of this connection she feels she has with god. Maybe she will see things from his perspective if she talks to him. Can you not take her to see him more often (if first time is successfull), so she can express the connection she has with god and not feel she has to be with someone else.

    You could also try to spend more time with her. Give her some space to express herself but make sure you are with her and you povide a caring and loving environment. I had to be hospitalised for most of my manic episode but then i was put into a restbite place where it was more pleasant and you got group therapy. Maybe you could find out if there is anywhere like this for your gf so she can stay there until her manic phase is over. My mania lasted for about 2 months and even when i went home for abit i still seemed to cause some sort of trouble amongst my family.
    Speak to your dr and psychiatrist (when you get one) to see if there is any facility such as a residential restbite centre.

    Strong sexual urges and permiscous behavior are considered symptons of bipolar, so you could prevent this by keeping her away from situations where such things could happen. Again it depends on the person. I never got to the point where i had these symptons, i guess that could be because of how i was brought up and my religion and culture.

    I really do feel your pain. I can tell you love your gf very dearly and she is lucky to have you in her life. She may not realise it at the moment because of the state she is in now but she will, once she settles down.
    Bipolar is a lifelong illness and i'm finding it difficult to accept that. But thats probably because i'm 21 and a perfectionist and a negative thinker. I have cried and cried over the thoughts of ruining my partners life after we get married and if we have kids because i have very bad mood swings and a very bad temper. I constantly critisize myself and it hurts extreamly bad whenever i think i will hurt my partners feelings. I sometimes think that i'm not in love with him anymore but i know thats just my depression talking. I am doing whatever i can to sort things out. I am hoping to start anger management sessions and try see bipolar in a positive perspective. Also my partner has been by my side all the way and i know he always will.

    I hope your gf gets treated well for her illness and you manage to sort everything out.As hurtingoverbp said, read up on Bipolar as much as you can because you will find it usefull. Try to find a way to live with it and deal with any problems that you may come across. There is alot of help out there for this illness, dont be afraid to ask and search.

    Take care. Sending hugs your way.

    xx

    ps- sorry about the long reply but i really wanted to be of some hlep to you and felt my experiences would benefit your situation.
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    Last edited by *Lai*; 06-16-2006 at 03:06 AM.

     
    Old 06-16-2006, 05:55 PM   #4
    dsteenbock
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    thank you for your replies. I had a long talk with her today explaining the symptoms I've been reading about. It really makes sense with what she's doing. I think she's had this for a long time but just manifested itself majorly when she had her breakdown.
    I guess time will tell. i'm going to hang in as best as I can.

     
    Old 06-17-2006, 04:59 PM   #5
    builder
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    Sorry,,,if a girl tells me she doesn't love me anymore and wants other men... then I would get out as soon as you can. As one who went thru this, there is nothing you can do to change this. I tried. Unless you can handle her dating other guys. I was in a simular situation where a girl I dated always was drawn to some new guy. Always meeting someone new of the dating sites and she was in love sometimes even before they met in person. And it never lasted more than a week or two and there was either something wrong wth the guy or he would dump her quick when he saw her Jeckyl and Hide personality. I doubt that this will ever change. She probably, just like my friend, continue to search for some new guy no matter how good you treat her. I bet she can be as nice as can be and then suddendly take just about anything you say and can turn it into a huge argument,,,sometimes accusing you of saying things you never said. I also loved her, but I could not live my life like that anymore with her.

    Last edited by builder; 06-17-2006 at 06:11 PM.

     
    Old 06-18-2006, 01:33 PM   #6
    Hurtingoverbp
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    rstarre: That's exactly what was happening with me. NO matter how much I told my ex I loved him or showed him affection, it was never good enough. He once told me that he felt more love from the nameless faceless women he chatted with on line, then he did with me or from anyone else.

    ONe time he told me he didn't think he could ever be happy, because he only remembered being truly happy for only short periods in his life. He once told me he thought he could hold it all together but it's clear he can't and he didn't want to lie to me about that anymore.

    He told me he didn't think I could ever make him happy. And that he doubted I could show him the sort of love and devotion his parents gave him. (they btw are in denial about his illness)

    I heard this over and over again for 10 months. The running for the door comment was true. Had I known what I do now, I wouldn't have gotten involved. I DO think there are people out there that can have healthy relationships with people who are BP, but I am clinically depressed, so there was no chance in hell our relationship would have worked out. I think it takes someone with a lot of patience and love to date someone who is bipolar. I had my own issues I was dealing with and also had a child from another relationship that didn't deserve to be caught in the middle.

    I am here to learn more about the illness, and I believe it's helping me to heal and move on. Things he said and did in the relationship that I thought were because of me, I am now learning is because of the illness. I wouldn't wish his pain on anyone.

     
    Old 06-18-2006, 05:00 PM   #7
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    dsteen.
    i can only imagine what you are going through with your girlfriend this is the woman you love and have a kid with so i can understand why you really want to try to make things work and how you will always have that connection cause of your kid you have together.. it is so hard to go through this watching a loved one suffering and you not being able to fix it i know i have been there with my ex too i tried all i could to stand by and help him but in the end he refused to get the help he really needed to stay stable he would go on meds then think he was ok and said he didnt need it and then never went back on them.. go to a psy appoint and then say they dont understand and went here and there but then stopped everything he needed to help him live a better life.. i went through the ups and downs with him standing by him with 2 deaths on both sides of our families and the depression part to where he didnt want to be around anymore.. to us having our son together. we tried councling that only made things worse.. i wanted to rescue him but i learned i could only do so myuch so now im trying all i can to help my son through 2 disorders he has adhd and bipolar and there are good days and bad ones.. i wish you luck she is lucky to have you ..

     
    Old 06-18-2006, 06:54 PM   #8
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in, it's a little scary to read actually. I'm seeing somone with Bipolar II, well I think I am. He had, I guess what you'd call an episode about a month ago, and basically shut me out completely. I want to stay with him but it's so hard when he ignores my calls or says he's busy and he'll call me back but never does. I've seen him once in the last month and even then we were with other people so we didn't get a chance to really talk.

    At first I was worried he was shutting everyone out but he's still seeing his friends a lot, he just doesn't want to see me, which in a way makes it worse.

    Honestly I don't know what to do except giving him some space. I mean, should I keep trying to see him or wait for him to want to see me, not knowing much about bipolar it's hard to know what to do.

    I hope things get better for the both of you.

    Best Wishes to you.


     
    Old 06-28-2006, 08:07 AM   #9
    dsteenbock
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    Re: Girlfriend diagnosed as Bi Polar and now wants to break up

    Well, It's over for us. I got home from work today and found out she's made a date with the guy she met in the hospital. No matter what I've said or done, hasn't had any effect at all. I can't take the stress anymore. I feel all dead inside. I'm moving out at the end of next month to be alone and try to put my life back together. Thanks to everyone who posted thier thoughts and experiences. It did make me feel better.

     
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