It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • I think my wife cheated on me

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 06-30-2006, 06:27 AM   #1
    and820
    Newbie
    (male)
     
    and820's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 5
    and820 HB User
    I think my wife cheated on me

    I will try and be as brief as possible. I have reason to believe that my wife had an affair approx. 22-24 years ago. She had told me the affair was emotional only and that there was no physical contact but other information has surfaced. I have tried to discuss this rationally, but she will not talk with me.

    In 2001, she had an online affair with an old male friend. It was long distance and there was no physical contact.

    I have tried to overlook her behavior, but she is very secretive and will not discuss intimate and personal things. she does not think we need professional help.

    Also, she may have genital herpes. She says that she doesn't and that she doesn't have the physical symptons. I have looked at pictures of herpes on the net and what she has only matched one picture out of many. She says she doesn't need to be tested.

    What would you do? Btw, we have been married 34 years.

    Thank you.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 06-30-2006, 07:13 AM   #2
    spider37
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    spider37's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2005
    Posts: 328
    spider37 HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    well first off she needs to go to a doctor and get checked and as her husband if she has herpes vd whatever you should have the right to be told wow your a hard one you say this affair was 24 years ago that is long time ago i think you need to just let that one rest and find out what she is up to now i would assume if she has herpes that you are done with her you guys have been married a long time i was only married 10 years when my ex husband got engaged while we were still living with each other oh she was also pregnant and she was a friend of mine 34 years is a long time has she been doing this all along if so why did you put up with it yes i am divorced now i am very big on the whole you don't cheat thing i don't understand why people do it you have to go with what is in your heart

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 07:15 AM   #3
    whackedback
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    whackedback's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: Apex, NC
    Posts: 940
    whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    and-

    You should be tested for STDs. If you've had unprotected sex with your wife and she does have STDs, chances are you will have contracted them. Better safe than sorry.

    wb

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 07:54 AM   #4
    jenna_250
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2006
    Posts: 272
    jenna_250 HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    I'm very confused by your post. First of all, 20 years ago is a long long time ago, if you were going to do something about it why didn't you do something about it way back then, why is it suddenly coming up now? what do you hope to gain at this point, will you leave if you find out that she did in fact cheat 20 years ago?

    as far as the herpes thing goes, again, confused by that...if you weren't each others first sexual partner, either one of you could have contracted it from a past relationship and not known it. I saw a show on this disease and something like half the people who have this will never know about it, so again, I wouldn't use this to say she cheated on you.

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 08:20 AM   #5
    desertdweller
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    desertdweller's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 1,041
    desertdweller HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    What if she does have herpes? Concidering that herpes can still be contracted even with a condom, are you going to stop having sex with her? There is no cure for herpes, so if she isn't willing to get tested; your best bet is to just not have sex if you see that she has some sort of suspicous look sore. Wait until it looks healed.
    I would set aside all the affair worries, and just try to figure out how to get your wife to open up more with you, so she doesn't feel the need to talk to other men about her problems. Look at yourself honestly, are you judgemental? Do you try to offer solutions rather than just listen? Women want a man to turn to that will just plain and simple listen, sympathize, not judge, and offer solutions only when asked for an opinion. She may have set up a barrier so thick with you that it will take time for her to open up her secrets, but I can guarantee that if you listen without judging ( mirror her discussion), she will eventually open up.

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 08:26 AM   #6
    desertdweller
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    desertdweller's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 1,041
    desertdweller HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    What if she does have herpes? Concidering that herpes can still be contracted even with a condom, are you going to stop having sex with her? There is no cure for herpes, so if she isn't willing to get tested; your best bet is to just not have sex if you see that she has some sort of suspicous look sore. Wait until it looks healed.
    I would set aside all the affair worries, and just try to figure out how to get your wife to open up more with you, so she doesn't feel the need to talk to other men about her problems. Look at yourself honestly, are you judgemental? Do you try to offer solutions rather than just listen? Women want a man to turn to that will just plain and simple listen, sympathize, not judge, and offer solutions only when asked for an opinion. She may have set up a barrier so thick with you that it will take time for her to open up her secrets, but I can guarantee that if you listen without judging ( mirror her discussion), she will eventually open up.

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 08:54 AM   #7
    tnmomofive
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    tnmomofive's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 2,101
    tnmomofive HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    Yeah that affair your wife had was many years ago and you have stayed with her.I wouldnt worry about that one any longer should of been dropped years ago because you decided to stay.Of course she was wrong but still you decided to stay.
    As far as the online thing in 2001 have you asked your wife why she felt the need to go to another man with her emotional needs? again she was wrong for this too,but you have stayed so.....
    If you plan on staying with your wife I think it would be best to find out why she felt the need.Why didnt you find this out back in 2001? or did you just find out about that online thing?
    I agree with desertdweller its true us women want our men to listen to us without judging.We just want that support even if the man may think it rediculous or irrantional.The point is it is what the woman is feeling nonetheless.
    As far as you believeing your wife has Herpes again that is a virus that she could of had from many many moons ago and never knew.With herpes it is pretty common for infected people to not know they are infected (asymptomatic..no symptoms).Then one day they can suddenly have an outbreak with noticable symptoms.So if she has herpes she could of gotten it years back even before the two of you got together.You will probably never know when this happened so no use in trying to figure it out.There is no test to decipher when the infection occured.
    If your wife continues to refuse to be tested for herpes then you should go and be tested.If she had it for years and especialy if the two you havent used condoms then chances are you have it as well.Also,try not to play the blame game with this thing if you had other sexual partners before your wife you could be the one who contracted Herpes first and are asymptomatic.I wouldnt have sugessted to her she has herpes though just because of some picture seen on the internet.I would have just told her she should have whatever it is going on down there checked out but whats done is done.You go and get tested.Talk to your wife about why she feels the need to go to other men with her emotional needs.

    best wishes

    Last edited by tnmomofive; 06-30-2006 at 09:01 AM.

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 10:41 AM   #8
    kindathinkin
    Inactive
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Location: USA
    Posts: 74
    kindathinkin HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    Man, what a dilema.

    Personally, I would be more hurt and concerned about an emotional relationship than a physical one. Sex without emotion is meaningless. Emotional connection without sex is still an emotional connection.

    You are old enough to have this stuff figured out. You are also old enough to have learned how to forgive. In 34 years of marriage, hasn't your relationship had a rebirth or two over time?

    The STD factor is a concern, however. Are these recent "blooms" that she is having? Do you have any symptoms of an STD?

    I haven't figured out why, but I could forgive a singular physical tryst on the part of my wife. It would hurt, but I could understand a one-time shallow physical affair. However, for whatever reason, if that affair brought an STD into the relationship, I would not be forgiving. I would be pragmatic and for me, that would mean getting out of the relationship. Funny how the same act has a different dynamic when and STD is involved.

    Affair or no affair, if your wife has some kind of lesion or shanker or pimple on her privates, it is reasonable for you to expect her to go to a doctor and get a clean bill of health openly discussed with you, her doctor, and you.

    Naturally, you should get tested too.

    If she does have an STD that she did not have when you married her, it would not be unreasonable if you wanted to part ways.

     
    Old 06-30-2006, 05:24 PM   #9
    keepsgoin
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    keepsgoin's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2005
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,536
    keepsgoin HB User
    Re: I think my wife cheated on me

    If she's acting suspicious and hiding stuff then she's 99.99999% surely having an affair. It really doesn't make a hill of beans if it's an on line affair or if she's having a physical affair with the guy next door, it's still an affair! If you think she has herpes, she probably does have herpes. Sores don't just appear out of the clear blue sky...they are most likely herpes. Herpes is so common and is getting more and more common as the days roll by!!!!!!! Anyone that's had unprotected sex with anyone should be tested. Even if you have never had any symptoms that you would associate with herpes it's still a good chance that herpes is hiding out in your body(asymptomatic)...genital herpes effects 25% of adults in the US...as many as 90% of the adult population has hsv 1 typically associated with cold sore but can be transmitted through oral sex giving that person genital herpes. YEP! Just think about how many people you know that have cold sores...they can spread it to genitals and most people have never been told this! You need to go to the doctor and have them run the IgG blood test and find out for yourself if she's given it to you and it doesn't matter if you have symptoms or not..that does not mean you haven't caught it. Just the fact that the wife won't go be tested is such a clue that she has everything to hide!
    __________________
    I tells it likes a sees it
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    advice please- i don't think i can/will forget damage done... februarynight Relationship Health 10 05-30-2008 03:09 PM
    Unfortunately - I think it's too late for me Used&Abused Bipolar Disorder 24 12-21-2006 12:42 PM
    Wife Cheated Not Sure What To Do needing help 65 Relationship Health 7 12-12-2006 10:20 AM
    wife cheated dont know Relationship Health 16 08-14-2006 04:01 AM
    Need help, thoughts, anything LONG POST (cheating wife) onyR Relationship Health 19 08-13-2005 04:05 PM
    someone please help me i think im losing it for good. t1196 Relationship Health 29 07-27-2005 11:34 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:08 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!