HealthBoards

HealthBoards (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/)
-   Relationship Health (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/)
-   -   Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend. (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/410909-help-his-friends-talked-bad-about-me-my-boyfriend.html)

whiteslopes 07-18-2006 11:00 AM

Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
Help- any insight would be helpful.. any advice would be appreciated.

I went to a party for his best friend on Sunday and the next day I sensed something was wrong. After much coaxing I found out that while I stood 10 feet away, a friend of his told him that I wasn’t “worthy” to be his girlfriend and he was way more attractive than me.

His reaction was to say that I was beautiful and that he loved me. She then said, “well, I just don’t see it.” After this exchange (and additional insults from her) they went on to talk of other subjects.

After this conversation, he still mingled at the party and even talked to her later that night. I was getting bad vibes all night from this woman who was glaring at me.

The following day after our conversation his other friend said that “he doesn’t think I like him because I sat on a table by myself later that night.” – even though I’ve started conversations with this guy many times.

I’m frustrated and hurt. I don’t want to deal with his mean friends, and I don’t want to sit at home while he goes out drinking with them.

Please give me advice on what I can do. I am so hurt that it is hard to even hold his hand without looking at a guy who didn’t tell this woman off immediately…. Something I think should be a no-brainer.

missbrit 07-18-2006 11:39 AM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
wow.
i am sorry.
what a (for lack of a better word) LAME woman. she is probably just jealous, insecure, and mean. i am sorry that you had to hear that she said these things. it is good that your bf told her what he thought but if i were you i'd prefer that he added a few choice words as well as "i dont care to hear your opinion" to her and "dont you ever say anything about my woman again"......
hold your head up.......you took the higher ground.......i know i would probably say something to this woman if i knew she said something about me :mad:

whiteslopes 07-18-2006 11:41 AM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
Thanks. I appreciate it. I don't understand why this had to happen to me.

rosequartz 07-18-2006 11:54 AM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
sounds like she wants him............

to be more than a friend......

:dizzy:

jenna_250 07-18-2006 11:55 AM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
Honestly, unfortunately it's a fact of life that not everyone can like everyone. Whatever this persons reasons are for disliking you, who cares? you can't bend over backwards to make people like you. He defended you, he is with you, and honestly you don't need to be friends with all his friends. I'm not even freinds with all my husbands freinds, some I find annoying so he just goes out with them without me. Remember they are entitled to their opinion, but he has chosen to be with you and that's all that matters. as far as him going out without you all the time, it doesn't have to be so all or nothing, he can see his friends once in a while without you can't he? I have disliked guys my friends were with, it happens, not really the end of the world. Maybe the friends will eventually like you, maybe not, but you sound young and I'm curious how long you have been together, it sounds like it's a fairly new relationship?

whiteslopes 07-18-2006 01:16 PM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
-We've been together 10 months.

True, people are entitled to their opinion, and as you know, intelligent people keep it in their brains, ESPECIALLY if I'm there and he's supposed to be the one that protects and loves me. I'm also entitled to expect a minimum amount of respect when I'm present at a party with him. If I can't expect that, then I don't want anything to do with that relationship or those people. Etiquette on that level should be established at age 5, not 40. Frankly, if someone said something stupid about your girlfriend/boyfriend to your face, would you passively say, "well, I like him." and leave it at that? I hope not.

I’m disregarding this advice because in the end, EVERYONE is entitled to any opinion, that still doesn't warrant me having to be exposed to negativity or being demeaned.

The age of the relationship is irrelevant. I find myself fortunate to at least know when I'm being treated incorrectly. I won't argue that point either!

missbrit 07-18-2006 01:30 PM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
yeah i agree with you.............sure everyone is entitled to their opinion but seriously....you are not expecting too much in saying that you wanted your bf to be more protective of you. my bf would have told her off, and not have told me the details why (so as not to hurt my feelings unnecessarily)......then she would have been out of his life.......what a rude lady. i am sure plenty of people have opinions about her that they manage to keep to themselves. is she so perfect that she has room to judge everyone else!
i DOUBT it!!!!!!!!!1

jenna_250 07-18-2006 01:38 PM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
True, Etiquette on that level should be established at age 5, not 40. Frankly, if someone said something stupid about your girlfriend/boyfriend to your face, would you passively say, "well, I like him." and leave it at that? I hope not.

Honestly, it sounds like he did defend you. He said he loved you and thought you were beautiful, what more do you want he DID defend your relationship and make it clear he was in love with you? What more could he have done, caused a huge scene at the party? Do you expect him to not talk to them because they don't like you. haven't you ever just not liked someone for no reason? Honestly, he just should have spared your feeling on this, I don't know why he bothered to tell you this. But I think considering the situation and the fact you were at a party, he couldn't cause a scene. You don't know what he will say from here on out or what will happen. For all you know the next time he sees this person he he will not be so nice about it. I just don't think this has to be a huge deal since from where I sit he did make it clear how he felt about you. It's not like he just sat there and said nothing. And I don't feel you need to associate with these people if you don't want to. That is up to you to make that decision.

missbrit 07-18-2006 01:45 PM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
and you dont need to associate with this woman.
make your feelings and expectations (and/or gratitude) or whatever known to your boyfriend and then let it go.
if you keep bringing it up, harping on it, or letting it stand inbetween you and your bf you are giving this woman too much power.

laurie864bla 07-18-2006 04:24 PM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
I know we all wanna be stood up for--but it just doesn't always happen in social situations.... case in point..

When young guy and I were dating--the first time around) a couple of his friends would tell me I could do way better. That he was a jerk. A drunk. Too young for me. You name it.

I didn't say much b/c I knew it was their feeling about him--not mine. (well, I knew they were right sometimes too lol) But anyway, my point is--I wanted to be with him, I was choosing to be with him, and it made me feel weird to try and 'plead my case' to someone that obviously didn't like him very much. I just felt they were entitled to their opinion I guess and took mental note that they were kinda two faced--the ones who would act like they liked him in the next breath to his face.

It could just be that and wanted to offer another side.

whiteslopes 07-19-2006 07:17 AM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
I appreciated that my boyfriend said I was beautiful. But her response of saying "she disagreed" and them talking later that night would indicate that she has a right to feel comfortable with saying these things, and even more comfortable to say it to my boyfriend. My boyfriend not actually telling her that saying these things is unacceptable to him implies that there is a mutual agreement that such things can be said to him.

She shouldn't feel comfortable at all to say those things, and if she had respect for him or me, wouldn't have said it. The appropriate response from him should have been: "please don't say those things." So the emphasis isn't placed on the accuracy of her comments, but the inappropriateness of what was said. In addition, these comments wouldn’t be said in the future.

As for me, I won't tolerate it nor will I see this woman again.. so there isn't an issue there. However, my overall expectation is that he has my back and ensures that his friends treat me with respect, or at least pretend to, as I do them.

galinaqt 07-24-2006 08:51 AM

Re: Help.His friends talked bad about me to my boyfriend.
 
This lady can very well cause him breaking up with you. He can tell her off but he may start thinking that may be she is right about you and he can do better.
On your place I would of tell him that you aware of conversation and should choose between you and association with her.
She may be jealos or wanted him for herself who knows.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:01 PM.