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He's leading a double life!

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Old 07-25-2006, 11:17 AM   #1
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claire2006 HB User
He's leading a double life!

I'm a outgoing, sociable, relatively attractive 27year old. I was bored one day at home, and started exploring what I could access on my mobile phone, and logged into a chat room, where a few guys send me instant messages. One, Jo, who was 24, sent me a few, and they were sweet and not dodgy at all.

As I was home and bored, I chatted back. A few days later we were still cool chatting, and he asked to exchange numbers which we did after a few more days. Exchanged pics, all above board. He told me last weekend that infact his name is Craig, and he's 29. I was very angry that he'd lied to me, but he said it was just because he didn't want to give his full details out. I took some time out to decide what I wanted to do, and he assured me he had no other "untruths" to reveal, so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

We've only been friendly chatting, but quite a lot, and this weekend he went quiet on me. I left him be for a few days, and he text me last night telling me he had something more to tell me, that he'd not been totally truthful with me, and in fact he's been married for 9 months and has 2 children.
He's living apart from his wife through mutual choice as they don't love each other anymore and have just grown apart. They've split 2 months ago, and his kids are 2.5 yrs and 3 months!

I should just tell him to get lost, but I feel some sort of bond with him and he's seemingly so upset by the way he's handled things now. I saw it mostly as just friends, but a bit of attention too. He lives on the other side of the country to me, and so it was never going to develop into anything.

I don't like being made a fool of, and I don't suffer fools gladly, but something's stopped me from telling him where to get off and deleting his number. I feel like I should help him sort his life out, or at least help him get things a bit clearer. Whether that be by trying again with his wife, or by admitting next time he meets a girl that he's separated with 2 kids. That's no crime, and the way he's handled it is immature and makes it seem sordid, which it isn't.

Am I being a mug again? I feel sad about the way it's turned out. We were having a nice friendly chat each day/night on text. I think I liked having a little attention, even though I'm not looking for a relationship.

Advice please. I know what I'd say if I read this, but I don't seem to be able to walk away without guilt, as I can't stand to think of him confused and messing things up again.
He says he feels a lot for me, and if he could turn back the clocks he'd tell me the truth from the start.

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Old 07-25-2006, 11:33 AM   #2
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: He's leading a double life!

Maybe the best help you can give him is to try to get a hold of his wife and tell her what he's doing. I bet he's not even seperated.

With that being said, I wouldn't want to help this guy out. Let him go, and let that be a lesson to him. I wouldn't feel bad, he deserves to be hurt. He has obviously manipulated your feelings to the point that you even want to help after he deceived you. I think that continuing a relationship is a potential for more hurt on your part. And, you did nothing wrong here, so you don't deserve to be hurt. Plus, how would you really help him anyway?

Old 07-25-2006, 12:10 PM   #3
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claire2006 HB User
Re: He's leading a double life!

Thanks for your thoughts. I think you're right. I need to walk away from this. I think I'll miss the chats with him, and the attention. But it wasn't real, as he's been manipulating my feelings all the way through, even if he's not even intelligent to realise it's what he's done.

Old 07-26-2006, 07:29 AM   #4
Dog House
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Southern Maine
Posts: 107
Dog House HB User
Re: He's leading a double life!

That's what I hate about online "relationships", it is too easy to be dishonest.

The way I look at it, the person on the other end is more than just words on the screen, the person is real with real feelings. I always try to be honest. Its a lot easier to keep track of the truth than to keep track of lies.

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