It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 08-07-2006, 03:11 PM   #1
    Nina000
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Nina000's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Location: The UK
    Posts: 1,314
    Nina000 HB User
    He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    I feel so tearful and sick...He has finally packed his suitcase...said that he has chosen his ex over me..that his mum has invited her over, that *his mum* considers her her daughter in law, and they all arranged for a family day out in a farm. He was planning to stay over for one night, but I asked him not to return..To that, he has retaliated awfully
    I am absolutely taken aback by his nasty comments..saying that I am "cheap"..."he hates my guts", "she's a goddess, a mum from heaven and I am a s--t." A mum from heaven who didn't allow him to see his son for three years, simply because we were together.
    His mum sent him money so that she makes sure he gets there.
    I did want a break up months ago, but I wanted a clean civil one.Tonight, he has spoilt it all. All what I have tolerated to make sure we have a clean break-up has been meaningless.
    After 3 years of living together, it's almost incomprehensible how untrue he was!!! He didn't love me at all. He doesn't even respect me. I am burning of anger inside. What to do?

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 08-07-2006, 03:34 PM   #2
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    nina take a deep breath.....
    this is what you wanted.......he's out of your life, out of your hair.....
    so what if you didn't get to do it on your terms.......IT GOT DONE!!!!
    that's what matters....
    now cheer up and start planning the rest of your life!
    enjoy your freedom!

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 03:52 PM   #3
    tnmomofive
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    tnmomofive's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 2,101
    tnmomofive HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Yeah pffft dont even worry about his nasty comments your better then him.Have fun not having all the headaches that came with that guy.

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 04:36 PM   #4
    eve40
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    eve40's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2005
    Posts: 797
    eve40 HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    I've said this before Nina and he's proven my point. People do not love, who they don't respect. He saw your kindness as unconditional love and acceptance of bad behavior. We must all DEMAND a certain degree of respect. It say's, to others, that we value ourselves, and when they know we value ourselves they will follow our lead and, at the very least, respect us. It has been a very painful experience, for you, but you can use this as an opportunity to decide what you want and will accept, but even more importantly, what you don't want and refuse to accept, from all the men in your future. Start with this looser. Take the gloves off in any future dealings, with him. Accept nothing less then what's best for you, from now on. You MUST start thinking of your needs, first, in any dealings with men, at least until the two of you devote yourselves to each other. Even then, you cannot give until there is nothing left for you. You must always keep some reserve, of strength, time and respect, for yourself.
    I truely believe that this is where your relationship went south, or maybe even why you chose this particular man. Practice putting your needs first, with your friends, too. Stop giving what you don't want, or can't afford, to give. If you start dating a man, who believes his needs come before your's, make it crystal clear that this girl don't play that way, if he still doesn't get the picture, DUMP HIM!!!!! Before you get too attached. Men love women who love themselves. Men respect woman who respect themselves, because women who love and respect themselves, WILL NOT put up with bad, disrespectful behavior. And, I truely believe this, men who stop respecting their women, rarely start respecting them again, UNLESS the woman changes the way she sees, and respects, herself.
    Good luck to you, keep writing here, unload and redefine yourself. You'll be ready when Mr right comes along.

    Last edited by eve40; 08-07-2006 at 04:37 PM.

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 05:04 PM   #5
    cookiepls
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2003
    Location: Los Angeles, CA
    Posts: 1,410
    cookiepls HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    It's been a long time coming. You tried too hard Nina and your kindness fell to the swine. You tolerated far more than you should have. Maybe it doesn't feel like it right now, but he's just done you the biggest favor ever. Now you can sever ALL contact with him permanantly. There's no reason to try to remain friends anyway. If you did that, it would only be in the hopes of someday getting him back. Wash your hands of the whole dirty mess. Anything after this guy is a step up. Hang in there. It will get better when you've had time away from hiim to think about all the BS he's put you through and what a loser he is.

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 05:27 PM   #6
    desertdweller
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    desertdweller's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 1,041
    desertdweller HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Gotta be blunt, he is a loser drunk, you should be throwing a party.

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 06:30 PM   #7
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    eve as always I love reading your posts.....you are a very wise woman!!!

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 07:25 PM   #8
    Bracelet
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2006
    Posts: 678
    Bracelet HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Nina, you always give other people such great advice about how they should respect themselves first and ditch the guys who treat them badly. You are so good at making other people see their self-worth, why can't you extend yourself the same courtesy?

    Give yourself a break and let yourself be happy and excited that you finally, FINALLY got rid of this loser guy! It's been a long, long time coming and it's really awesome that he's finally out of your hair. What happened before doesn't matter now. All that matters is that today is the first day of the rest of your life, and you should take it and run with it. Make it whatever you want it to be. But most of all, quit wasting another second on a guy who is all wrong for you anyway and who never deserved your respect in the first place.

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 07:38 PM   #9
    mommaboyz
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 965
    mommaboyz HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz
    nina take a deep breath.....
    this is what you wanted.......he's out of your life, out of your hair.....
    so what if you didn't get to do it on your terms.......IT GOT DONE!!!!
    that's what matters....
    now cheer up and start planning the rest of your life!
    enjoy your freedom!
    I couldnt say it better myself

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 11:17 PM   #10
    plasva
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    plasva's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2006
    Location: USA
    Posts: 470
    plasva HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    At some point, he will try to come back into your life. He'll call or send you an email asking you how you're doing. And you'll have the pleasure of ignoring him. It will be grand!
    You do deserve so much better.
    Maybe he feels trapped into going back to his ex, or just doesn't know himself at all. Regardless, there is no excuse for his behavior. It just goes to show, you're not losing much.
    I know what you're going through, and that you have to mourn. But hang in there!
    You really should celebrate yourself and celebrate being single, when you are finished mourning.

     
    Old 08-07-2006, 11:28 PM   #11
    bulletproof
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    bulletproof's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: SF
    Posts: 540
    bulletproof HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    You don't have to do anything now. This is exactly what should have happened three months ago, perhaps even sooner. Of course he said nasty things. That's what people do when they break up, or have been fighting for some time. It wouldn't have been a civil break because he wouldn't allow it to be. So now you can stick to your word, and let him go. Whether he's going back to his ex or to nobody at all doesn't matter. What matters is that he's out of your life, and now you can move on.

     
    Old 08-08-2006, 05:17 AM   #12
    brook65
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    brook65's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: kent
    Posts: 1,434
    brook65 HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Nina, remember his ex is an ex for a reason!! it probably won't work, and then he will probably try and get back to you, don't whatever you do get back with him!

    I have watched your posts for ages, and seen how unhappy you were, but understand that however unhappy we can be, leaving someone can be hard to do!

    But he has done it, brilliant, now sit back and enjoy the sound of silence!!

    Learn from this abbusive relationship, and make sure that when you are ready to date again, when your instincts pick up on just ONE red flag, don't make excuses to yourself, but get out then! cause I know it is harder years down the line, and our original instincts always prove to be right!

    Remember, you can now move on, but he can never get away from himself, the problem with you two wasn't the relationship - but him!

    Draw a line under this Nina, keep strong, and we are all here to support you

     
    Old 08-08-2006, 04:57 PM   #13
    Nina000
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Nina000's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Location: The UK
    Posts: 1,314
    Nina000 HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Thank you so much everybody...I was tearful reading your posts..All last night I could do nothing at all except staying in bed, rang work sick.
    Eve, Brook,Bullet and everybody... don't know what I would have done without you guys. It has been an incredibly painful night for the first time ever in three years without him in this bed. I always thought of his presence as re-assuring, despite all the arguments. Maybe the fact that I am a foreigner here sank me even deeper in emotional dependency. I just feel so out of control, so many things that I wanted to have said and done.....are all suspended forever now. can't even think of how to come to terms with all this damage, once again. I am losing faith in everything around me, don't even have the energy to text friends back...can't at all think of how to face the battles of regaining my life and my control again. I feel paralised and sick to the stomach. Woke up crying, had a dream about him and her!
    Everything around me reminds me of him...
    The day has been more merciful........the vision is clearer....I need a change, I need to get out of this flat, and just give up my deposit, a 1000 pounds and find a university room to stay in. Don't even have a friend here.
    I will try and go abroad too, once I sort out my UK visa extention.
    Yes, I will need to post here just to remind my stupid self how deluded I was. Your support has been incredible throughout my stay here, esp over the last year when things have deteriorated awfully. I will need to read your posts over and over again till all this mess finally sinks in....

    Last edited by Nina000; 08-08-2006 at 05:12 PM.

     
    Old 08-08-2006, 05:15 PM   #14
    brook65
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    brook65's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: kent
    Posts: 1,434
    brook65 HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    The day has been more merciful........the vision is clearer....I need a change, I need to get out of this flat, and just give up my deposit, a 1000 pounds and find a university room to stay in.
    I will try and go abroad too, once I sort out my UK visa extention.


    Nina - you are doing ok - what you are feeling is totally natural, three years is a long time, so it is going to feel strange for a while. But, it will pass and when it does, you will look back a few months from now, and think thank god he went.

    Look at the above quote, you seem to be planning your recovery from this already, you are being positive.

    Keep strong, and remember people here are people who can relate, and understand.

     
    Old 08-08-2006, 05:18 PM   #15
    SophiaM
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    SophiaM's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 5,529
    SophiaM HB User
    Re: He's finally leaving: The pressure is suffocating me!

    Nina, he is doing you a favor. I know you might not feel like it now, but I strongly believe this is the case. I don't know if you would ever find the resolve to leave him on your own, even though this is all you've been thinking about for the past year or so. Well, it's finally done, and it doesn't matter that it's not the way you wanted it to be. Who cares---break-ups are rarely, if ever "amicable" and "clean." Especially after people lived together for a few years. This man was NOT for you, and it was clear for everyone to see. You really need to get away now to regain some perspective. Why do you need to move? It's your apartment after all. Whatever happened to the trip to Cote d'Azure, btw? You could REALLY use it now, Nina! The changes happening in your life right now are positive, believe me. You may not fully feel like it now, but it's true.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Blips in Blood Pressure Kaycon High & Low Blood Pressure 2 04-20-2010 12:02 PM
    In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back? blue34 Relationship Health 103 09-04-2008 06:21 PM
    In love with my first true love...............he's married firsttruelove Relationship Health 33 08-04-2008 01:04 PM
    Suffocating feeling - hypothyroid? Queenslander Thyroid Disorders 1 09-12-2005 04:19 AM
    He's moving out, but says he loves me Gianna2 Relationship Health 16 11-12-2004 12:24 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:55 PM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!