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  • Just Moved in with Girlfriend - Confused...

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    Old 08-09-2006, 03:49 AM   #1
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    Just Moved in with Girlfriend - Confused...

    Hi all,

    It's been a few months since I posted here. Some might remember that I had a long-distance relationship. Things have been amazing for the last four months since we've been going out. However, I wouldn't be here if that was still the case...

    It wasn't long into the relationship that my girlfriend made noises about moving out together. She said she would be willing to move to me. I had my reservations since we'd only been going out for a short period, but on holiday a couple of months ago I agreed that we should go for it. I should have stuck to my gut instinct at that stage and said that it wasn't what I wanted.

    But we made steps: my girlfriend handed in her notice at work and we viewed some apartments together in the town where I work. In no time at all I had put down a deposit and the first month's rent. We moved in last Sunday. It only really hit me yesterday that it's not what I want. I'm in serious trouble

    Moving in with my girlfriend has made me realise how much I love her. I love her a lot. But now I'm really worried that by living together we're going to take each other for granted and spoil what we had. I keep thinking about much I looked forward to the weekend when I would see her. And now it feels like that has been taken away and it upsets me. I must be weirdo because most people would just say "make the most of it", but it feels like we've ruined things. Does that make sense?

    Any advice and opinions would be gratefully appreciated!
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    Old 08-09-2006, 04:18 AM   #2
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    Re: Just Moved in with Girlfriend - Confused...

    Originally Posted by ErimusValidus
    Hi all,

    It's been a few months since I posted here. Some might remember that I had a long-distance relationship. Things have been amazing for the last four months since we've been going out. However, I wouldn't be here if that was still the case...
    Hi Erimus,

    Is this Natalie you're talking about? The last I remember, you'd gone to the concert and were affraid that your co-worker (I'm sorry I can't remember her name) got a bit jealous, etc. But you were going to try and work it out with Natalie.

    Wow! So, you've moved in together! How time flies!

    Is it just missing the excitement of seeing each other on weekends now that you're together all the time that has you down? Or is it something about seeing each other all the time that has you second guessing the move (i.e. without the excitement and missing each other, is the time together less special)? How are things otherwise? Are you still enjoying the relationship, etc?

    Old 08-09-2006, 04:22 AM   #3
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    Re: Just Moved in with Girlfriend - Confused...

    I can understand your feelings as I went through a similar situation last year with my current girlfriend, but I have to say that things have been great since we moved in together!

    At the time we moved in together we had only been a couple for about 5 months, but had agreed to move in together after more like 3 (it took 2 months for her to sell her current place and complete the move to the new house).

    At first I did have concerns similar to yours - whether seeing each other would just become too routine, and also lack of freedom etc. What I will say is that these things can happen, if you let them. You need to maintain control of your side of the relationship and ensure that you don't give in to what she wants, if it isn't what you want too. Spending time apart for example, is often a contentious issue between couples.

    Regarding the becoming routine / lack of excitement at seeing each other, this will only happen if you let it, and to be honest it tends to happen in a relationship anyway after a certain point, regardless of whether you live together or not. If you love each other, then this routine remains enjoyable and satisfying, and of course you can still spice things up by being spontaneous!

    I would say proceed with caution - it's too late to back out now without giving things a try, as this girl has quit her job and moved to be with you, so I think you owe her this much. Try and see the positive side of living together - more time to be intimate etc, plus the practical side (shared bills). I don't know what your living situation was previously, but I lived with my parents until I moved in with my gf, so another benefit was the freedom and independance from the folks!

    Old 08-09-2006, 04:35 AM   #4
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    Re: Just Moved in with Girlfriend - Confused...

    I would say your feelings of apprehension are normal, I am assuming you are both young.

    Dating someone, and living with someone are two completely different things. I totally understand where you are coming from, when you date, you can look forward to seeing that special person, but when you live together, they are always there, and things can go pear shaped and stale.

    BUT, however, that doesn't have to always be the case, the thing you need to do, is not just be with each other 24/7 you can keep some element of 'looking forward to seeing your partner' by keeping a separate social life, interest going.

    Moving in together is a big step, and I personally think it is a step not to be rushed, maybe you are feeling this way because it was to soon for you, and maybe you are feeling a bit trapped.

    You have only been living together a very short time, so it is going to feel strange for a while whilst you both adjust anyhow! I would say after a couple of months or so, is really the best time to review the situation and ask yourself how you feel about it.

    Living together is a bit like marraige, but without the paperwork, if you are not ready for that yet, then maybe your not ready for this yet?

    Good luck to you both

    Last edited by brook65; 08-09-2006 at 04:35 AM.

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