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Where to begin ....

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Old 08-23-2006, 06:24 AM   #1
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Where to begin ....

This may be long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

I met R several years ago. We hit it off and had a "friends with benefits" type of relationship. (which by the way, was very unlike me). I ended up meeting someone else that was "relationship material" and R and I went our seperate ways.

A couple years later my b-friend left me for a co-worker of his, I was devestated and went out one night ......and unbelievably ran in to R. I had not seen him in the 2 years I was with my BF, so it was very odd that I ran in to him on the particular night.

We got to talking, realized we still had "chemistry". I was probably more at a point where I just needed something to boost my self-esteem as I was feeling pretty low by the events of my recent break-up. Anyway, R and I resumed our "friends with benefits" relationship as if it never ended. (Again, strange of me). Within a few months I THOUGHT things were progressing in our relationship, maybe even on to dating. However, I was wrong, R was seeing several women at the same time, lying to each of them as if they were all the only ones. (this should have been where I Ran). I broke things off and he tried desperately to make 'changes in his life' as I was the one he wanted / needed and couldn't live without. ............This was 2 1/5 years ago.

In these past 2 1/5 years, R and I have lived together. The first 2 years R was not making much money, therefore, I paid for most things. I think I should mention here that R is 9 years younger than me. During these times that R is not making much money and I am paying most of the bills, R is freely spending his paycheck on .......god knows what. We have had many talks throughout our relationship regarding his spending habits and lack of control where money is concerned.

This year I decided to move and found a great deal on a lease to own option house. Right before we moved R also got a great job in which he trippled his salary. Perfect ! We get moved only to realize that R's spending habits have only increased with his new amount of money. After several arguments, and no changes later. I decide to get a second job. We have a "pub" type place (food, beer, outside on the river) close to us and I ended up getting a job there.

I've been working there ofr 8 weeks now, along with my 8 - 5 Mon - Fri job and I'm just exhausted !! R insists that he hates me working there and wants me to quit. However, has not curbed his spending habits in order for me to do so.

Since working this night / weekend job ....more issues have surfaced. I don't trust him !! According to him he goes to work at 7 am and at times is not home until 9 - 10 at night. I think this is odd considering these late nights at the "office" seem to only happen when I am working my second job. He seems sneaky, he with holds information (men tend to think this is NOT lying). For instance, I am working a second job ....he's spending money like crazy ........his truck broke down on Thurs and he's been driving a company vehicle. Each day I ask him what he's going to do about his truck and he keeps saying he's going to do something about it ....I talked to him SEVERAL times yesterday throughout the day and when I got home from my second job .....there's a new vehicle in the drive way. He bought a car from some "lady" he works with. Wouldn't you have thought that he would mention this? .........Oh and about the "lady" he works with. The story seems to keep changing about her ....when he first worked there he said she was young, then he said she was my age he's changed it again to she's in her 40's, married with 4 kids .........

I'm not an insecure person, but things just seem to be omitted, or just do not add up.

As I'm typing this, I'm not sure what my question is .....ha ha ha ha

I don't know, I guess we had a bad start from the beginning and never should have progressed this far. I feel taken advantage of and basically that I'm a convenience. I feel as if R is cheating and he's not really working late on the days I'm at work.

I guess my question is do you break up with someone that you really do love but KNOW they do not love you, even if they say it?

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Old 08-23-2006, 07:01 AM   #2
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Re: Where to begin ....

it should be already say he doesn't love you and you can't trust him.....what are you hanging on to? what exactly is your definition of love and what is it about him that you love?
you would be much better off without him, but you already knew that....
make it happen!

Old 08-23-2006, 07:12 AM   #3
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Re: Where to begin ....

Yep, I've become one of those people that I said "I'll never be like that".

It seems whenever I talk to him about our 'issues', he turns things around and I end up feeling guilty. Very strange.

I keep second guessing ....what IF I can trust him. In 2 1/2 years he has been very trustworthy, however, we spend every minute that we aren't at work together. Now that I'm working 2 jobs it seems he's never home while I"m working at night.

One minute he states he hates that I"m working 2 jobs (which I hate also, by the way) but the next minute he's spending his entire paycheck on literally nothing and I'm trying to save to buy a house.

When I tell him I feel like I'm nothing more than a convenience, at first he says he's hurt by me telling him that and how he knows how good things are an that he never wants to leave or do anything to mess that up, but when he doesn't get the response out of me he was hoping for he resorts to the "you think this is convenient for me? getting b-ch at everyday" ....

I guess I just need to get up the gusto to take that one step forward

Old 08-23-2006, 08:07 AM   #4
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Re: Where to begin ....

It's been said many times before, but once a cheater always a cheater (99% of the time anyway). You knew this guy has been deceitful in the past (even if you weren't in an exclusive relationship at the time, he still kept it from you that he was seeing others).

It seems to me that he likes his life just the way it is at the moment - you're doing 90% of the work to pay bills and save money by holding down two jobs, whilst he's out doing god knows what whilst you're at work in the evenings.

I'd be willing to be he's cheating, which explains why he's never home when you're working during the evenings. How does he explain away the time? Can you verify what he says? Also, despite him saying he hates you working two jobs, he doesn't seem to do much to actually stop you working - like spending less of his money so you don't have to work a second job - probably because he's quite happy that you're busy some/most evenings so he can do whatever it is he's doing behind your back.

Stop thinking of all the "what if's" and just kick him out! You **know** it's the right thing to do.

Old 08-23-2006, 08:23 AM   #5
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Re: Where to begin ....

He explains his evenings away by saying that he's working. However, yes, it seems odd that he's only working until 9 - 10 at night on the nights I am working and when I'm home, he's home.

Yes, I know what to do. I'm not happy, obviously he's not happy or he wouldn't be doing the things he's doing, I just need to take the step and do it.

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