It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Do we say something or not?

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-25-2006, 09:21 AM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 194
picksie HB User
Do we say something or not?

My husband and I have a couple who are our friends. We've known them for a short time compared to our other friends, but have spent a great deal of time together as families. They are not married but living together with a 2 year old child. She has said they are getting married but when the subject is brought up, he claims they are not - for various reasons.

Anyway, as time has gone on and we have spent weekend trips with them, not to mention all the times during the week, we've found that we don't like HER. At. All. She is manipulative, controlling, lazy, moody and whiney. She can't or won't take care of her own child alone, calling on him to help or do everything for her. She does not clean or do dishes (piles sitting on the counters for days and days, causing flies to swarm the entire house). She calls him every 5 minutes (I'm not exaggerating the # either) when he stops over to help out with something or just to see what's going on, even if she is not home anyway. She has disallowed him to go fishing or hunting of any kind with my husband and if they run an errand or do a sidejob, she calls him constantly. The stories I've heard from my husband about how she uses sex to manipulate him to not do the things he enjoys are outrageous and its rumored they barely have sex but a few times a month. She is jealous and controlling yet she cyber stalks her ex boyfriend from 4 years ago and receives emails from other exes, however, she has a key logger on her PC to track HIS whereabouts on the internet! I could go on and on and on.

So my question is this: at what point, or is there a point, that we offer our outside opinion or guidance to him about their relationship? He is miserable, complains about most of the stuff to either my husband or us together and I think feels trapped because of the child. I refuse to spend time with them any longer because she has directly caused drama in my life and I have enough! I don't like her but I don't want him to think that we don't like him so I feel like I should say something. But I also don't want to offend him either. They are young, 25 & 26, and life is too short to spend it like that. I can't bare to watch it anymore either, period.

So do we say something or just shut up and continue putting distance between us gradually, until we no longer have to be subjected to their crap?

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 08-25-2006, 06:06 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: mia, florida
Posts: 174
~charlotte08~ HB User
Re: Do we say something or not?

Ok he needs to LEAVE that relationship. It's unhelathy and he has his whole life ahead of him. Say something. Try to help this poor man move on. He deserves to be happy don't you think?
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Old 08-25-2006, 07:17 PM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Michigan
Posts: 389
Fireball76 HB User
Re: Do we say something or not?

I would say taht if he wasn't complaining, then you shouldn't step in and try to fix it for him. But if he is complaining about it, try to advise him as well as you can.
Try to take your personal liking for the woman out of it thoguh when you advise. Say to him, what do you think the problem is? Then go by his answer, try to not make it into a bashing session about her, that won't help.
Also, if he says the only reason he's staying is for the child, exlpain to him that their baby will be much better off in the long run with happy parents who aren't together than miserab;e parents who hate their lives.
Many people have successful co-parenting situations. Not being together isn't the end of the world for kids, it's how the parents handle the co-parenting.

Old 08-25-2006, 07:21 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 632
LostMyHeart HB User
Re: Do we say something or not?

Originally Posted by picksie
So my question is this: at what point, or is there a point, that we offer our outside opinion or guidance to him about their relationship?
I think you offer your opinion when he asks for it.
In the meantime, I'd say just continue distancing yourself from her as much as possible.

Last edited by LostMyHeart; 08-25-2006 at 07:22 PM.

Old 07-25-2007, 10:44 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Alabama
Posts: 778
Mileena42 HB User
Re: Do we say something or not?

Since he is saying they aren't getting married, I take it he knows there is a problem and wouldn't really need it pointed out to him. As far as you and your husband go.......if you don't want to socialize with her....simply don't do it anymore. Make excuses and if he comes right out and asks, then explain to him that it's HER you don't want to be around. Be prepared that he may be offended. No matter how he feels about her, hearing it from someone else might be hard to do. Another thing, if your husband and this man still does anything together, maybe your husband could explain to him that no reflection on him but you don't want to have anything else to do with her. Her house keeping and the things HE puts up with from her is simply not your concern. Distance yourself from this woman, but be prepared to lose both friendships.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Into ER, something is wrong sammyo1 Spinal Cord Disorders 7 09-27-2008 06:33 AM
Just Fibro or something more? Minerva78 Fibromyalgia 5 09-08-2007 05:49 PM
ocd or something worse? PLEASE HELP speezer Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 9 07-16-2007 01:33 PM
Is this OCD or something else entirely Enigmatic_Soul Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 5 06-07-2007 11:13 AM
Am I dillusional or is something off here? My last nerve Parenting Issues 25 01-14-2007 08:14 AM
It seems like I have OCD but this could be something FAR more complicating. DarkChange Mental Health 11 01-23-2006 10:13 AM
Is something else wrong with me? MarciaD Depression 16 09-14-2005 07:19 AM
Is it me or something else? Cindy_S74 Relationship Health 15 07-29-2005 11:48 AM
Nagging Thoughts Like Something Is Hidden hangtenvetter Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 9 07-26-2003 09:00 PM
Why can't people actually do something for others!! QweenyBluEyes Teen Health 9 07-09-2003 11:37 AM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:12 PM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!