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Complicated Problem, How do I get through to her?! Help!

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Old 09-04-2006, 04:06 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 80
Mattm4000 HB User
Smile Complicated Problem, How do I get through to her?! Help!

ok,so I have a bit of a complex and complicated problem here that I really need some help with. I will try to keep the story as short as possible for those of you that are taking the time to read this lol but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am a 27 year old single male and I have a major crush on this girl who I have known for a while now. She is 23 or 24. Anyway, heres the story. I have known this girl for years now but to say that is a little misleading because I know her because shes a customer at my job but I dont see her very often at all. On average I would see her only something like 1 to 3 times a year. So,last year January of 2005 I finally asked her out on a date, after years of procrastinating and basically just being too nervous, talking to girls has never been a strength of mine. So I asked her out and she gave me a very convincing yes and she really truly seemed like she liked me and wanted to get to know me so we exchanged numbers and all the usual stuff. So she called me a week later to tell me that it was a very busy time for her right now with work and school and that she would call me again in a few days to make some plans and I said ok, no problem and basically after that everything just went crazy. First of all, she never called me back...I gave her a few weeks to do so and she never did, over the next few months I called her twice on her cellphone both times she never answered and both times I left her voicemails asking her to call me back and she never did. So finally in September she came into my job, I asked her what happened and she was just like telling me how shes so busy and just doesnt have the time but did tell me that she was interestered in me and as soon as things quiet down she would call. Well to make an already long story short here we are a year and a half later and I am still waiting, I have seen her a few more times since and again she keeps saying she will call and she dont. So basically I started to feel like well,its a lost cause and maybe shes just using being busy as an excuse to blow me off but whatever the real reason the fact still remains that shes not calling and were not going out. So I decided to forget about it and just move on.

But,now for part I cant get this girl out of my mind,no matter what. I have such strong feelings for her. I know that doesnt seem logical considering that I dont even know her that well but its just one of those things thats hard to put into words,its like when you have feelings for somebody and you just know in your heart that you care deeply for that person, thats how it is with her.I have been out on dates with other girls during this time but my mind always reverts back to thinking about her. So, the other day I was talking to her father, I also know her father from my job and me and him are very friendly. He knows that me and his daughter know each other but he doesnt know that I asked her out or he doesnt know anypart of the above story at all. So I had asked him just within the conversation how his daughter was doing and he was like well,shes doing good but he was telling me how he never gets to see her because shes such a busy person. He told me that she literally works 7 days a week. Monday to Friday at a job that she commutes over an hour to get too and she gets home so late some nights that she just kinda eats dinner and goes to bed and then she works as a waitress on the weekends and she also is taking college courses online. He went on to tell me that she has no boyfriend, doesnt even seem to go out on dates and hardly ever sees her girlfriends anymore because her life is just all about work and school. So after he told me that it made me start to think back to how she used to tell me how she liked me but just didnt have the time and it made me now think that she was telling me the truth after all and that maybe, just maybe that she really might have an interest in me but that shes so focused and career minded that she just puts that ahead of everything and everyone else. I asked her father why someone so young so still lives at home and has no family to support and no rent or mortgage to pay,and no major bills would push themselves to work so hard and he just told me that thats the type of person she is and that she takes after him because when he was her age he did the same exact thing.

So,basically now I like this girl,alot, and if she likes me then I feel like its such a waste that heres two people that like one another and its just like this communication problem thats getting in the way. I really want to try to reconnect with her and atleast just try to be friends with her and get us to be a part of one another's lives but I dont know how. Firstly, I never see her, the last time I laid eyes on her was December, I do still have her number but she never seems to answer or return messages, I have considering mailing her a letter as I do have her address or maybe even asking her father to give her a message to call me. My question is should I try this with her again? Could it possibly still work after all this time? and if so whats the best way to try to contact her. I know this sounds like a desperate move but I dont consider myself to be desperate as there are other girls that I can date and get to know its just that I feel like she is someone special, someone different and someone I just cant let get away. I dont know, perhaps I am wrong but I dont think I am, what do all of you think? I'm very sorry this ran so long but thank you for taking the time to read this and offer your imput.

Last edited by Mattm4000; 09-04-2006 at 04:16 PM.

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Old 09-04-2006, 04:43 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Complicated Problem, How do I get through to her?! Help!

Well, whether it is because she truly is too busy to date (which is does sound like) or because she just isn't into you, the fact of the matter is that she is well aware of your interest in her. You've tried contacting her numerous times, and the fact that she never made it a priority to ever get back to you should probably tell you something.

Since it has been so long, maybe you could try calling her ONE more time. But if she doesn't answer you or make any effort to get back to you, then really, what can you do??
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

Old 09-04-2006, 05:22 PM   #3
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desertdweller HB User
Re: Complicated Problem, How do I get through to her?! Help!

I think anything at this point would feel somewhat stalkerish ( if that's a word). She's made her priorities clear, and it sounds like a friendship or a relationship aren't on her top 10 list. Next time you see her, just joke with her how she needs some fun in her life and works too hard, let her know you are interested in hanging out when she finally decides to slow down and leave it at that.

Old 09-05-2006, 10:25 AM   #4
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: Complicated Problem, How do I get through to her?! Help!

Originally Posted by Mattm4000
... My question is should I try this with her again? Could it possibly still work after all this time? and if so whats the best way to try to contact her...
YES...YES...and try Hallmark.

If you feel that strongly about her, you should explore the possibilities. But do realize that she is probably not ready for anything commiting or clingy. Her targets and routines are set for now and time will be a luxury for her. So ask yourself if you are ready for the marathon before you initiate the pursuit.

Since she is that occupied, dating will be far down the list of activities on her mind. Start by sending her cards and text messages that does not require responses. Like "just thinking of you" and "have a good weekend" type thang. Once or twice a week is enough. Find special occasions to send the invitations like "got tickets to ..... or ......, are you free?"

Don't give up if she doesn't respond. In situations like this, patience will be rewarded. If you keep pushing yourself into her schedule, it will just have an adverse effect.

Good luck.

Old 09-05-2006, 11:55 AM   #5
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 337
MysteriousGuy HB User
Re: Complicated Problem, How do I get through to her?! Help!

Originally Posted by minijumbofly
Start by sending her cards and text messages that does not require responses. Like "just thinking of you" and "have a good weekend" type thang. Once or twice a week is enough. Find special occasions to send the invitations like "got tickets to ..... or ......, are you free?":
Wonderful idea....not. You're going to look like a fool and possibly, a stalker. Come on, there is NO chance of you and her at all. I once did it on a girl in HS, I was pure retarded!!!! I gave her a letter, a letter that would have easily won any girl over, letting her know I was interested in her, how gorgeous she is, etc except we really didn't know each other well enough to do so. Know what happened? A year later, she told my soon "friend to be, whom turned out to be a pathetic, worthless loser" she thought I was "creepy, stalkish". I just didn't know better and that was then. But I'm glad that happened, along with two other crushes that went wrong because I benefit from it in many ways, it gave me thoughts, feelings, and changes I need within myself to become more confident, non-needy/cling looking, the way I may have used to come across like that when I spoke to girls I had crushes on from HS online (I said "used to" because I rarely chat online for the past 2 years and I'm nowhere like that way now). I may have came across like that way even though I wasn't really like that at all, especially in person except for maybe used to be alittle bit "dependent" on having a girlfriend for happiness, but that's all in the past now, since having all those crushes going wrong killed it. The point is....don't do it!! You have already shown her you are interested in her and the ball is in her court now. Don't make the same mistake as I did or you'll kick yourself in the nuts for it.

Last edited by MysteriousGuy; 09-05-2006 at 12:04 PM.

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