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Old 09-14-2006, 12:18 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: California
Posts: 2
Ravelo HB User
This one is lengthy

I need some advice! How do I talk to him with out the major arguements! My Boyfriend of over a year, has a BAD BAD anger probably. He has gone to 2 anger management classes and they have not helped.

His mom stopped raising him at the age of 10 and his dad as never been in his life. He has always been angry with them. He is the sweetest person I have ever met, but when he gets mad he punches holes in the wall and hits HIMSELF and yells at me and talks down to me. this happens like once every 3-4 months.
I want to be there for him, but his anger is getting to the point i cna't deal with it anymore. Im too laid back for it.

ok so here is the scenario ( most recent)....

I was best friends with this kid name Randy who had an older brother Tommy. I hung out with them literally everyday for 2 years. When I met Leo my relationship with Randy soured b/c of him... he made up lies about me and created Drama... We are no longer on speaking terms. Then Randy stepped over the line and started making rumors of Leo (my bf) So now Leo is made at him. (this is was almost 2 years ago)
*** This is such childish actions I KNOW****

9 months ago we went bowling and it so happened that Randy and Tommy were there with alllll there friends/ So Leo wanted to confront Randy about his rumors. It was very confrontational and Tommy saw it and told Leo to leave or else he'll throw the bowling ball at his head. Ok so Leo gets mad at ME... b/c they were my friends and saying i had really ****ed up firends and so on...

Last night... WE went to QT after the baseball game off of 29 and 316. Leo wanted a slushie. We walked in and we see Tommy, who happens to work there. So Leo looks and me and tells me he has to go to the bathroom. When he walked in, Tommy turned around and asked me "how are you doing?" and I say, "Good" and he goes "I saw your mom the other day" and i say "yeeh she told me" and that was it... Leo comes out gets his slushies and we drive out... he looks at me and say" did you talk to him?" and i said "he asked me how i was doing" then he goes "SO U DID TALK TO HIM!! *** is WRONG WITH YOU?" He throw his slushie out the window. I asked"why did you do that?" and he says "**** YOU! **** YOU!" so I hoped out the car and start walking towards QT from the 316 he makes a u turn into QT. I kep walking about to call my bro to come get me and drives in front of me, telling me to get in the car, and I told him no b/c i dont want him to yell at me.

He told me to get in bc he doesnt want me going to QT where tommy is. So i hop in, and he tells me thats the most ****ed up thinkg I could have ever done. I told him " I wasnt going inside I was going to the nearest spot that had light and call someone. He said he didnt care. He kept asking me why i would do such a ****ed up thing and that he doesnt care if i knew him for 15 years, I shouldnt talk to him and that I was ****ed up in the head. The rest of the ride was silent. We get home and he tells me he cant deal with me in to just go inside (11:30pm) around 2am he comes inside hops on the computer... then he makes his bed on the floor next to the bed. and knocks out

I wake up and ask him for a hug and he said no and rolled over...

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Old 09-14-2006, 01:05 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: This one is lengthy

I'm sorry but there will be no way to talk to your boyfriend without major arguments. Guys like him do not have this capability in their brains. I'm not joking either. He is abusing you, don't you see that? Don't you know that you deserve better than to be treated this way?

I don't care how "cool" he is, how great looking you think he is, how "special" he makes you feel, how you feel you have to be "loyal" to him, how there's no one else like him -- those things do not matter as much as you should matter to yourself. The way he is treating you is not acceptable.

You won't be able to reason with him. He wants to be the one in control and since he is bigger and stronger than you, he has the physical force to do that.

You're too young to be constrained and controlled. You should be able to have the friends you want to have and do the things you want to do. He is telling you that you can't do these things.

There are many, many other guys out there who would not be jealous of your friendships with Randy and Tommy. There are guys out there who would NEVER talk down to you, who would respect you.

Imagine if you were with a guy like that -- a guy who only made you feel good about yourself, who let you have the friends you want to have, who doesn't cuss at you like that.

What you did by getting out of the car, that was the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with you.

Your boyfriend has some MAJOR problems. It is serious. You need to get him out of your life.

Old 09-14-2006, 01:13 PM   #3
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Re: This one is lengthy

I answered your other post......
I'll make it short and sweet.....get this clown out of your life for good!
he can do you absolutely NO GOOD......and there's a very good chance that he will do you harm.
I'm sorry about his childhood, but honestly it's not your problem.....
that's proof that you need to learn a little bit about someones parents and how they were raised before you get too involved.

Old 09-14-2006, 05:19 PM   #4
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Re: This one is lengthy

Originally Posted by Ravelo
How do I talk to him with out the major arguements!
You ask for advice, and I have one piece of advice that is also wisdom (because I have been there)...
You cannot talk him out of the arguments. His problem isn't you, or anything that you do. His problem is the damage that was done to him emotionally long before you ever met him. You cannot "fix" him.
The only thing you can do is choose to have a relationship with a man who is capable of having a healthy one.
This one cannot. He is "passive-aggressive". He takes his anger out on you that goes back to issues with his parents.
You cannot change anything about him. You cannot "love" him enough to change him.

I understand that you love him. That doesn't make your relationship a healthy one for you...
Please realize that you are better than this and keep him in your heart but OUT of your life...

Old 09-14-2006, 05:41 PM   #5
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 30
Smileygal HB User
Re: This one is lengthy

Sorry to be a downer but unless you are in for being treated like that the rest of your life or even worse....these behaviours often lead to physical abuse, often during pregnancy or after marriage, then get out now.

Old 09-14-2006, 05:53 PM   #6
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Location: florida
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angeleyes0906 HB User
Re: This one is lengthy

You have to put this guy out of your life, normal people dont cut you off from your friends or tell you that you are messed up for talking small talk with a friend at a counter of a fast food resturant. The person messed up in the head is him.

This guy is a bomb waiting to explode. The fact that he hits walls and himself is defenatley bad news. This violence will be directed at you eventually and you will be the blame for it in his eyes. Ask yourself do you want children growing up being his targets or worse watching you get knocked around and growing up just like him.

I dont forsee a fairytale ending in this one. You have to get out.

Best of luck

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