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Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

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Old 09-14-2006, 01:42 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2006
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alleycat2 HB User
Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

Here is the problem. When something bothered me before about someone, especially my in-laws I was able to let it go easier. Now that I found out I am going to be a Mom, those things now make me angry! For example, whenever my sister-in-law would talk rude too her kids I would tell myself "I don't like it but they are her kids and it's her business. Now it's like she better not talk to my child that way!. The latest thing was my Sister-in-law's son was sick and she left him at Grandma's and went to work and he got worse. He ended up having the flu. When she came to get him she decided not to take him home and just stay at her mom's house with him so she wouldn't take the germs back to her house and get her other kids sick. My husband, in-laws and myself had planned a cookout for the next day. Instead of my Mother-in-law, sister-in-law or Father-in-law calling us ahead of time to warn us nothing was said until we were already at their home and had been there for at least an hour. On tod of that her daughter and the sick child went home and then came back for the cookout. Needless to say both my husband and I got sick and had to miss work. It has happened once before and I was able to let it go but now it's like "What are they totally dense!" If that were me I would have warned them and I would have kept my child at home instead of taking him/her from house to house spreading germs! I guess it bothers me so much because I keep thinking what if I had the baby with me. If I can avoid walking into a situation I could have avoided and spare my child from having to deal with the negative than I will do it. I know I can't keep my child from everything including illness but in this case it could have been avoided. It makes me wonder what else they will do and not warn us about and my child will walk into when it could have been prevented. In the mean time they didn't have to deal with missing work, being sick or losing money off of their paychecks. Not that I want them to get sick, but it hasn't seemed to affect them any.

Last edited by alleycat2; 09-14-2006 at 01:54 PM.

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Old 09-14-2006, 01:55 PM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: California, CA, USA
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Destea HB User
Re: Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

Live and learn with these guys, always ask or set expectations, because apparently they don't have a great deal of common sense.

1. "I'm bringing xyz" - period.
2. "Is anyone sick?"

Sounds like asking the obvious is going to have to be part of the practice with your inlaws. That's really annoying, I know, but as you've explained through various posts here in your experience with them, they don't seem to have any real capacity for consideration or thought. You'll have to do that for them to avoid these kind of crappy situations in the future. :\

Old 09-14-2006, 02:21 PM   #3
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Shorty39 HB User
Re: Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

I think that sometimes we just don't seem to consider other peoples feelings or opinion about things like this. Although, they really should have warned you and any other family members about the ordeal it just doesn't always play out that way. .............Would they have mentioned it had it been just friends coming over for the cookout........what about if there was seniors or elderly fraigle people coming? Do you think they would have been thoughtful enough to have mention and let them make their own decisions as to come or not? Do you think because your the daughter in law and they consider you very very close family that you wouldn't have minded and that's why they didn't say anything? I believe I would just have to have that conversation with my mother in law before this happens again or even turns into a bigger problem next time. If your baby would have been born and less than 6 months old it could have ended w/the child being in the hospital and much more expense and emotional energy lost due to lack of respect. Just tell them that your at a very critical stage in YOUR FAMILIES life and don't want to cause hardships or problems BUT that you'd really rather them warn you in advance if this situtation happens as to make YOUR own decision as to subject your immediate family to an illness. Thats only respectful.
Hope this helps somewhat and don't feel guilty at all about wanting to be shown this much respect. After all you deserve it. If the baby was here YOU'D be the one sitting up at night or in the hosptial supporting your child due to someone elses neglegiance(sp) Afterall, talk to your husband and get him to understand how important this is if he doesn't already. Good luck and keep us posted. When is your baby going to be born? Take care of yourself and your family because afterall, if you don't take care of them WHO will?

Old 09-15-2006, 05:15 AM   #4
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: "central", KY, USA
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thegardener HB User
Re: Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

Ahh, that maternal instinct is strong already! You are going to be a fabulous mom. Maternal instinct is the most fascinating thing. You would fight a bear to save your child, wouldn't you! Some families just don't think these things are a big deal. You'll just have to calmly keep protecting your family. Good luck with your pregnancy and new child and I'm sure you will enjoy every moment.

Old 09-15-2006, 09:53 AM   #5
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minijumbofly HB User
Re: Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

Originally Posted by thegardener
Ahh, that maternal instinct is strong already! You are going to be a fabulous mom. Maternal instinct is the most fascinating thing. You would fight a bear to save your child, wouldn't you!....
LOL. Talk about the metamorphosis! My wife has never been the same again since the time that she was 3 months pregnant. I just hope you won't get as paranoid as she did though.

As for your situation, that was then and this is now. Do what you see fit to protect your baby and your own family values. If the in-laws are inconsiderate and rude, don't bother with being subtle and courtesous and all that. Just speak your mind.

I now no longer worry about offending family members since I never do it for spite. It's just sad that often times, they just don't take a hint and it requires something a little more....well....brutal. If I must grunt and growl to keep them at bay, so be it.

So, have you practiced your snarl lately?

Old 09-19-2006, 02:03 PM   #6
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Ratatosk HB UserRatatosk HB User
Re: Still mad at in-laws ! Need advice

After several incidents when people show up to holidays sick, we've gotten to the point that we ask ahead of time who is going to be there and remind them that if anyone is sick we will leave and we will NOT attend any family events. Our son has a genetic disease and we don't want him to pick up any bugs that could send him to the hospital or cause a decline in his health.

My MIL is a retired nurse and I'm am constantly amazed at how she's more concerned about offending someone than her own grandson's well-being. Last week DH was out of town and I had a meeting, so I asked if they could babysit. I got to their home and am told that my niece is there and has a "cold" but she's doing her best to stay away from DS. I realize within minutes of arriving that she's got a nasty cough and DS is hanging all over her, kept bringing her food, which she'd hand back. Grrr! Next evening MIL tells me that BTW, my niece has Pneumonia! I was furious. If I'd have known she was going to be there, sick, I would've asked them to stay at our house, bring DS to our house if they weren't aware she was sick or I'd made arrangements with a friend to watch him.

I've spent the past week being worried sick that DS is going to get ill. I even called his doctor who indicated there probably wasn't much we could do should he get sick as it was probably caused by a virus.

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