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youngmom_2 09-15-2006 04:15 PM

should i just give up?
My husband hit on another girl in my parent's living room about a week ago. She was babysitting my two younger brothers and he really freaked her out. (she is much younger than he is) I was absolutely livid when I found out and ended up packing up my two kids and leaving to go to my mother's house. He has since apologized numerous times and is going to go to counseling with our church pastor. I was going to file for divorce next thursday but now I feel like I owe it to my kids to see if he can change. He has agreed to pay for our house and let me and the kids stay in it alone because my mom won't quit pressuring me to get a divorce right away and is driving me crazy. She has never liked him and was very excited when I started talking about divorce. Now I don't know if it's the right thing and I just want to be sure...for my kids' sake. Should I get a legal seperation or not see a lawyer at all? I don't know what to do.

dewdrop333 09-15-2006 04:23 PM

Re: should i just give up?
I think it may be a little quick to talk divorce if he was flirting with someone .. why not talk about counseling first ... for YOU and HIM ...

Shorty39 09-15-2006 04:30 PM

Re: should i just give up?
I'm so very sorry to hear about this. You've come to the right place for support. You might get some replies that tell you to do things you might or might not want to do here. So please listen to you heart and do what YOU feel is best for you and your family. We are here to support you in whatever you decide. the a habitually thing with him and other women?

Why is your mother so against him?

In my opinion, you both need to go to councelling for the sake of ALL. Not just the kids but for you and him as well. You definately want to leave or have him leave if this is in anyway ABUSIVE. If it isn't then I believe ya'll have some issues that have to be worked out. Leaving isn't always the answer. If at all possible both of you stay at home and work this out. And as you talk and start working toward a common goal. FIXING THE PROBLEM
then if at any point you decide you need time apart then one of you can go. I believe if it comes to that, then he needs to leave for awhile. Leaving right now just puts distance between you both and can lead to other things as well. If he leaves now then he has the opportunity to do things that he couldn't do if he stays at home with the family. (Ex. go to bars, being w/other women more easily than if at home, having no one to answer to) If he just stay there while ya'll work on this then those options aren't accessible to him. I would not even let the word DIVORCE come into our vocabulary right now; that word can come up as a last resort. I'm not even saying continue in the same bedroom. Just stay under the same roof. It's much easier to work this out if it can be with him there. ALL THIS IS OF COURSE IF HE'S NOT ABUSIVE TO YOU OR THE KIDS. If he is then he needs to leave RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna let you answer these questions and I'll come back and talk after I have a better understanding of your situtation. Take care and I'll be praying for you and your family.

Be good to yourself

youngmom_2 09-15-2006 05:59 PM

Re: should i just give up?
The main thing that bothers me is that this girl was only 15 years old and he is 22. However, he has admitted that he was wrong and is going into counseling. He is an amazing father and I do not believe he would ever hit me or the kids. My mother doesn't like him because he was my first boyfriend (we started dating when I was fifteen) and I got pregnant by him at age 16. However, he did stick around so that should mean something. My mom is extremely protective and tries to live through me. My husband and I have had problems in the past but what couple doesn't?

Shorty39 09-15-2006 08:26 PM

Re: should i just give up?
Then I don't think you should give up at all!!! After all, didn't you both say til death do us part, in sickness and health.

He's gotta get some help. I'd be asking him if he remembered the law; and that she's way too young. Her daddy might even be willing to tell him that but it might not be as easily as if you tell your husband. Anyways, I'd ask him why he's disrespecting you, your parents , yours and his child, the girl etc.etc.etc. Wonder how he'd like it if the child found out one day when old enough to understand whats going on that Dear Ole Daddy tried to put the move on all the young girls and other women while married to mommy.

That really isn't something everyone must know. But he needs to stop the childish behavior and start thinking with his brain. Maybe you can sit and talk with him since he's not abusive to you and no chance of it happening. Of course, we don't fight fire with fire but wonder how he'd like it if he found you attracted to a man younger than him or better yet an older more mature 30 y/o

Just lay it in the line with him. Get him some indepth Christian counceling and for yourself as well.

Let us hear from you very soon as to what you do. Best Wishes

Be Good To Yourself & Your Baby

sad woman 09-15-2006 09:23 PM

Re: should i just give up?
Hi just read yr msg.... patti is right! u all are still young & it still long way ahead. Talk to yr hubby & try to save yr marriage for the sick of yr kids. As a mother of two, Ive been thru alot & see kids changes when day to days they grow. It's our responsibilities for our kids, we bought them to this world, we've to think 1st before we make any decision to our marriage. Tell you truely, till now my relationship is still in a mess with my hubby & we're not in the talking term for more that 2yrs but we're still leaving in 1 root. it just because on my kids. Y???? KIDS are my main issue on their growing up, we dun talk but kids still can see both of us in the house. both kids still can enjoy with both of us.

Follow yr heart, it will never goes wrong.
sad woman:angel:

youngmom_2 09-18-2006 04:28 PM

Re: should i just give up?
all this advice is really helping. Thanks. I talked to my husband and he has agreed to pay for the house and let me and the kids stay there and he will stay with his parents for a little while. We are going to start over by dating again. I know this sounds a little strange but I think it will help. We are also going to go into counseling together and seperate. Now, if I could get my family to understand where I'm coming from...

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