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What is the deal?? NEED some advice VERY confused!!

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Old 09-20-2006, 01:21 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: lenexa, ks, usa
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What is the deal?? NEED some advice VERY confused!!

Hey ya'll. Okay, I'm new here, and have a question regarding dating and GUYS, mainly. How they work and think, and possibly, the games they play! I am fairly inexperienced in the guy department, as I got married young, and had minimum dating experience. Okay, so the story is this-

There is this guy at work who I am falling MADLY in love with. I dream about him every night, act awkward around him at work, so much so that I wish that I felt differently about him, because I act so awkward (and I know that he liked me better <my personality> when I didn't feel so strongly about him, because I was more open and fun, now I act uptight, moody and nervous around him, but it's hard to help it!) I am deeply infatuated, and think about him morning, noon, and night. The problem is, we are both fairly young, and I have a one year old child, and I don't know how he feels about this. The other thing is that I am not FULLY divorced yet...He knows that I'm still "legally" married. and when we met, I was still living with my husband and we were acting as a married couple, and I was wearing my rings, this is how he found out I was still married. Things have changed in the last few months, and I am ready to move on (with him). Of course, my little boy comes first in my life, and anyone who could not accept him, I would not want in my life. I always put him first. I just feel that I need some passion in my life again. And this is not just ANY guy...he is extremely sweet, caring and funny. One-of-a-kind type of guy. I just can't help my feelings. I have tried, believe me.

I just don't know how he feels about me. He gives mixed signals all the time. Lately, he has definitely been more distant, and I try to forget him and give up hope, but it's useless. I am in too deep. Anyway, here are some of the mixed signals he has given- When we first met, and he didn't know anything about me, he flirted with me and followed me around our work trying to talk to me. He also told people that he found me "very pretty." Once he found out about my marriage/divorce/kid though, he distanced himself a bit, which I don't blame him for. A couple weeks later, I went to my work to eat (we are servers in a restaurant) while he was working and my friend and I sat in his section. He flirted with me the whole time, and even bought me a drink. When he came to take my credit card, his fingers lingered on mine for a second longer than necessary. Another time at work, he invited me to go to the movies with him and his friends (I didn't go, I had to get home to my son) after work, and was flirting with me all day, like finding ways to touch me and talk to me. Some days I have been moody at work (when I have had a particularly stressful day beforehand) and I will just not talk much and kind of frown and be sarcastic. I do not mean to act this way, but he always notices. He asks me why I'm in such a bad mood. I usually tell him I'm just tired, which is mostly true. One time, I asked him if he thought I was a b*tch, and he said sometimes I was "b*tchy." I felt terrible at this point, and knew that I had to try to stop being so moody at work. Lately, I have been trying to act more normal, happy and natural around him, but its awkward because I am trying not to say the wrong things, and am trying to impress him. Some days, he is very talkative and flirty with me, other days he is more distant and nonchalant. Lately he has been pretty much ALL distant and nonchalant though. I have no idea what happened, really. He is always telling me that he got some girls phone number, or that he thinks "so-and-so is hot", etc. He kind of talks to me like a guy friend. He calls me dude, etc. He also has asked another girl out at our work in front of me. THIS stuff all makes me think its obvious that he does NOT like me like that. But then he sends those weird mixed signals. He is one of the nicest guys I know, and everyone at work feels this way about him..he is so nice, funny and easygoing, so I am pretty sure that he is not the type of guy to use and lose a girl. He always comes up to me and says sexual things, however. Like make suggestions. But I can't ever tell if he's "serious" or not because he is known as the big "funny guy/joker" and hardly anyone ever takes him seriously. No one takes offense to his jokes, as they all know he is joking, and would never do anything to truly hurt anyone. He wouldn't hurt a fly and is the most giving, caring guy there. This is part of the reason I like him so much, as he isn't the BEST looking guy. I feel so ridiculous, like a highschool girl with a crush..but I just cant help the way I feel! The thing that he said to me that TRULY made me feel he WAS interested in me and that we would work out was that he "loves kids, and that little boys were so much fun" (after he found out that I had a little boy...WHY would he say this if he didn't want to possibly give me a hint that he could date me/likes me??) Just a couple days ago, he invited me, and a couple other people from work to the movies after work. My son was with his father this night, so I agreed to go and was actually very excited, thinking that this was the night that "we" would possibly have a start. Well, he invited another girl along, it turns out. A girl not from our work, a girl he knew from elsewhere (don't know if they are just friends or not, but I doubt it). I was CRUSHED, to say the least. And tried to forget him, but it's impossible. My feelings for him just won't go away. My question is- WHAT is his deal?? Are these mixed signals that he's sending me, or am I just wishfully thinking? Could he possibly be interested in me, or do his actions prove that he clearly isn't? Do I have too much baggage for a young guy? (although I am young too) If he liked me, WHY would he bring another chick to the movies...?? Why would he invite me in the first place? Just as friends? He DOES call me "dude"...What should I do?

PLEASE give me some advice! I need help....Anything at all would be appreciated! Thank you all so much for your time!

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Old 09-20-2006, 01:54 PM   #2
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Re: What is the deal?? NEED some advice VERY confused!!

well first of all I absolutely HATE when a guy calls me dude.....

also something like that happened to me a long time ago, I had a class with this guy who seemed interested in me. He invited me and another girl (we worked in the same group together in class) to come over to his house to see the Rolling Stones on pay-per-view. The other girl was a friend of mine and she knew I liked him. When we got there, we met a girl who was refering to his mother as her "mother-in-law".....turns out she was his girlfriend! Well he never told us he had a girlfriend because he said no one wants to hang out with you if you have a girlfriend.....not guys or girls.....
He never told us, and he never told us he didn't, so actually he didn't do anything wrong....I was the one that made the assumption.

and you know you're not in LOVE with this guy don't you?
you even said you're infatuated with him a little later in your post.....
stick with that.....

I don't know, I'm not impressed with this guy, I don't know if you're in the friend-zone or if he's playing games, but be careful.

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