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Old 09-21-2006, 07:46 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: portsmouth
Posts: 3
ryan01 HB User
help me

hi everyone... im 29 and been wiv my ex for 3 1/2 years, we have just split up 4 weeks ago, we were happy i thought.... she was having our baby and she had a 6 yr old girl from a previous relationship who call me dad and has done since 6 months into our relationship i treated her as my own and still would if i could see her... anyway 4 weeks ago she lost the baby we seemed fine that thursday eve we went to bed as usual and she cuddled upto me and went to sleep any next morning i said i would go to work as she had a friend going round she seemed fine we that, as i spoke to her as i walked down the road as felt quilty for leaving her. she said no thats fine i said okay see you later love you. anyway i left work at 1.00pm went home to ITS OVER GET OUT..... i phoned a couple of weeks ago to try and sort it out but got you must move on as i have, i said what do you mean she said ive meet someone else..... im lost i miss them both so much WAT SHOULD I DO??????? she wont talk to me and she wont pick the phone up to me?????????? im devastated...... they both meant the world to me!!!! how do you get over losing everything that meant so much to you... its so out of my control,

Last edited by ryan01; 09-22-2006 at 05:42 AM.

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Old 09-21-2006, 12:39 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: help me

Wow. Sounds like she needs some serious help. One idea I have is trying to reach her through a family member or mutual friend. Is there anyone that you both know that you could talk to, since she won't even take your calls?

Otherwise I just think you should give it more time. You can't even really be sure if she even has moved on with someone else. She might just be saying that so you will move on.

She lost a baby and there are many, many emotions involved with that. One of the more common ones is the mother blaming herself for the loss. Perhaps she doesn't feel worthy to be with you anymore because "she lost the baby." Or perhaps she blames you, just because she is angry and feels the need to cast blame on someone.

I guess otherwise I'd need more details, like how far along she was, any other indications you have had that she might be unhappy with you, etc. to give proper advice.

Old 09-21-2006, 02:29 PM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 49
kathya HB User
Re: help me

Maybe she thought that you took the loss of the baby too casually. Where you upset? Did you cry in front of her? Did you let her know that you were hurting too? Or did you just brush over it like it was no big deal, or even try to “cheer” her up about the miscarriage? Was she upset and crying after the miscarriage?
I ask because when I miscarried my first baby I cried for days if not weeks. I was very upset, very depressed and very sad. My ex-husband however showed no emotion at the loss at all. He never cried, never said he was sorry – nothing. The Dr. made the comment that it was probably for the best because a miscarried baby sometimes has a development problem and that’s why they miscarry. (My baby was later checked and showed no abnormality – so who really knows why I miscarried.) But, my ex made a point to tell everyone “it was for the best”. Every time he said it I hated him a little more. To me he sounded relieved or happy that the baby was gone. I would have left him in a minute if I had had any kind of help or encouragement. My parents lived over 600 miles away and my mother said it would be too embarrassing if I came back home after being married less than 2 years, and that I wanted to get married and this was part of marriage – that’s how men are, etc. - no sympathy here. I had no one else to turn to. Keep in mind this was over 35 years ago and things were different for women then. I stayed, but I never felt the same about him after that miscarriage, and I never believed he had feelings for me or our 2 future children. This turned out to be true in the end, and I finally divorced him.

Old 09-22-2006, 12:55 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: portsmouth
Posts: 3
ryan01 HB User
Re: help me

hi no nothing really seemed odd, she seemed very distant in the last month or so... but i thought that was because she was havin a baby??? she was 2 months gone!!!! it all seems very odd but i just dont know wat to do.......
i miss them both so much ive gone from being a family man to nothing....
how can you go from a 3yr relationship to nothing????
she did say wen i call 2 weeks ago that some friends of hers had said that i had been seen with other girls??????????? which is a load of rubbish but she said that she didint no wat to belive anymore!!!!! she also had a problem with her best mate and me as i said something stupid yrs ago.... its all just stupid but its so out of my control.....

Last edited by ryan01; 09-22-2006 at 01:21 AM.

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