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Serious Advice wanted

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Old 09-22-2006, 09:54 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 4
lla1 HB User
Unhappy Serious Advice wanted

I'll try to sum it up 11 yrs ago had a boyfriend we sorta were in the begining stage and not together much. ANyway I meet and maried someone else which has been on and off do to his physical abuse, drugs, jail etc. Anyway during the times we were apart (sometimees for 2yrs) I would still run into ex and the chemistry was still strong between us(people used to through us together stating they knew we loved each other.) here lies the problem. I have always loved the first I do mean really loved. But out of upbrining I have tried everything to maintain my mariage even though it is one sided, sexless, no romance, no conversations..I am presently working to get out of it. Leagally. Two days ago I recieved a letter from the first, telling me that he misses and loves me and in honestly I truely still love him, but I don't want to feel like the bad person. I would love to do nothing more than be with him, and I know my marriage is ending but I don't want to feel like I am cheating.

Is it okay to persue this from afar?

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Old 09-22-2006, 10:04 AM   #2
dream life
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 158
dream life HB User
Re: Serious Advice wanted

You are a bit confused & unsure of what to do... so if I were you, I wouldn't make any big steps just yet. There's nothing wrong with spending time with him, but I personally wouldn't jump right into a new relationship like that while going through separation & divorce. Wait till it's final, then you won't have to worry about thinking "am I cheating or not?". If you are truely in love with each other, then it will work out when the time is right!


Old 09-22-2006, 10:11 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Serious Advice wanted

You say that you're "working on getting out your marriage." I hope that means that you've filed for divorce and that the divorce is in the works. Because, no matter what your upbringing was relating to marriage, you need to GET OUT of your marriage! Just know that you have to do this as soon as possible! You deserve to be happy and finally that is going to happen for you!

With that being said, don't jump into a new relationship so soon. You should take some time for yourself first. You could just be vulnerable and so in need of love that you might run into this ex's arms too soon.

I agree that it is OK for you to spend time with him but wait until the divorce is final before you take it a step further.

Old 09-22-2006, 10:14 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 4
lla1 HB User
Re: Serious Advice wanted

I don't plan on jumping right back in, he is not moving back into the area for a few months, but he would like to call me and for us to keep writing. I know that if its right, or at least I hope that if it is truley meant to be we will end up together. We always seam to fall back together and then I usally end up screwing it up by allow husband to move back in etc. But I do that only out of feeling thats my duty. I just hate to mess it up by letting it slip through my fingers again. I don't know if I will get another chance. And the man treats and has always treated me so well and with respect, unlike my husband.

Old 09-22-2006, 10:19 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 4
lla1 HB User
Re: Serious Advice wanted

yes I am working w/attorney and counselor to safely leave marriage and at the same time protect my assets as I am the bill payer, and car owner, and All others hosehold Items were bought by me w/seperated. Do to his history of violence onto me, we are working quietly and quickly to resolve the marriage

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