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sooo confused

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Old 09-23-2006, 04:33 PM   #1
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catlady7160 HB User
Thumbs down sooo confused

hi all
I hope this doesn't sound petty but I need some advice on what to do regarding one friend of mine who is finally just got on my last nerve.

Little history:

I've known this woman for 15 years now and had some good times but she really just has crossed over the final line.

My friend has a habit of waiting until the last minute when my husband and I ask her to come to cook-outs, parties, etc.

The last straw was this last Labor Day - she kept saying
"oh maybe I'll come - not really sure"

Well that puts us in a position- so as usual we had to buy her a lobster- because if she did come- and she didn't have a lobster, we know she'd be feeling ackward.
Not to mention how bad we'd feel.

Mind you, she's done this many times- one time she waited until 2 days before we were going on vacation to tell us if she could watch our house and cat.

Finally, I had my other friend watch my cat because as usual- Miss Queen was undecided.

So, I figured I'd send her an e-mail politley and reasonably asking her to please just say "no" if she's undecided from now on if she doesn't know what she's doing.
So, I did.

Well, she sent e-mails back saying she Never waits until last minute and she's having financial problems(as usual) and between that and my e-mail - I'm stressing her out even more.

She also stated that I was wasting her time- meaning I guess nothing I say or how I feel matters.

I just lost my Mom in August and also have stresses I deal with too-

I don't know why I should feel bad?

I have all e-mails saved that I've sent her and the e-mails she's sent back- not in one of them did I say anything offensive or cruel.

Aren't we all adults?(she's actually 20 years older than me!)

Little more history:

This friend used to come to our home every Sunday- enjoy our hot tub and we'd cook dinner for her.

I wonder if we were wasting her time those week-ends?

I've also helped her move a few times- (she moves alot due to not having enough $ ever to stay in her apartments)

Anyway- I've gotten so much helpful info and kind words here on this site when my Mom died and when I was having a problem at my job.
Some of my other friends have been so great -some even witnessing her with her pattern of being so undecided.

But- I guess I'd like some advice from outsiders also.

I truly did not want to end my friendship with this woman- but she got so defensive and I think expects me to apoligize for what?

For speaking my mind in a rational, civil way????

I'm confused on how I should handle this- any feedback?

Thank-you so much.

Last edited by catlady7160; 09-25-2006 at 03:41 PM. Reason: could I move post to depression board?

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Old 09-27-2006, 01:45 PM   #2
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catlady7160 HB User
Re: sooo confused

Thank-you so much- I was wondering how I could move my post.:-)

Old 09-27-2006, 02:02 PM   #3
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Re: sooo confused

well I wouldn't end it, I just wouldn't go out of my way to continue it.......does that make sense? LOL
don't invite her so much anymore, don't include her as much.
I have a friend like that, who always backs out at the last minute, and you know what that's taught me? I can't count on her.....
So I don't prioritize our relationship that much. If she calls me and wants to get together, if it's convenient for me, I might do it. If it's not convenient for me, i don't work around her anymore because chances are she's going to back out.

Old 09-28-2006, 09:35 AM   #4
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catlady7160 HB User
Smile Re: sooo confused

hi-thanks for the reply.

I didn't want to end it- she decided to end it.

I wish I knew- because my e-mail confronting the issue was rational and civil.

Not offensive in the least-

but this woman can't stand to be WRONG and won't admit it ever.

So, I guess I should have realized the way she'd react -but I also figured we're all adults too.

Oh well- I just reconnected with an old friend in town I used to work with and have met a couple new people on *******- not to mention my staytrue friends

So, I'll be okay but I'm still a little freaked out by her reaction. .

One of her behaviors is also trying to make me feel guilty-

But I will not allow her this time- because i didn't do anything offensive or unreasonable.

Thanks again for the reply!

Old 09-28-2006, 09:57 AM   #5
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hillaryb HB User
Re: sooo confused

your friend sounds like she is a very selfish person. Not only by her actions, but by the fact that her response to the confrontation is to simply say ME, ME, ME, ME!!! She probably thinks she is the only person out there going through difficult situations. I don't think it will be a huge loss if she chooses to end the friendship. It sounds as if you did alot for her, but she could never be bothered to do anything for you. I know people like her. They can really suck the life out of you.

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