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Insecure = ruinin my relationship

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Old 09-27-2006, 01:14 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 84
messee84 HB User
Unhappy Insecure = ruinin my relationship

I am in a long relationship but its also long distance. We only see each other at weekends and I find it really hard during the week as I can't help imagining all sorts of horrible things. I know he's a guy and he's at uni so he's gonna go out but it's every week and without fail. He never used to be like it so I can't help but wonder why he's suddenly so into going out. I always feel that in a relationship going out all the time is a bit lame but he doesn't think having a girlfriend means he should go out any less than if he was single. Am I being unreasonable to assume as he has a gf he'd stay in more than his single friends? He says he'll do what he wants because I shouldn't get upset over it and make him feel guilty. I feel really alone in these insecurities as none of my friends obsess the way i do, how can I get over this stuff?

Also I'm quite an insecure person so worry bout other girls being round him...and now he's living in halls and when he goes out the girls that live there hang round wiv him and I just get really wound up by it. That is my problem obviously but he knows it upsets me but just doesnt seem to care infact I swear he tries to wind me up bout it more. If there was something he didnt like or got worried bout i wouldnt do it, I've never had guy friends since I was wiv him cos he gets paranoid so why can he have these girl friends now &say I' ve got no right to worry and make him feel bad.

I just don't get it and it's driving me mad. If you know where Im coming from I'd welcome any advice but similarly if you can see his side can you explain to me better than he does y goin out every week is so important.

Last edited by messee84; 09-27-2006 at 02:04 PM.

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Old 09-29-2006, 12:50 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sydney
Posts: 111
Chez19 HB User
Re: Insecure = ruinin my relationship

I think you definitely need to lighten up a bit about him going out every week. I'm at uni and i'm out every other night at least!! He is still his own person and just because he has a gf doens't mean he should be limited with how many times he goes out. It would be different if he were not including you (if you lived near each other) or dogging plans with you for his friends. If he's not doing these things, he's actually not doing anything wrong. I think you need to focus more on yourself and your own social life... view your time away from him as healthy space where you can go out and see friends and do all the things you can't do when you're with him.

As for your insecurities, it is understandable you'd be jealous about other women at one stage or another. If you say he gets paranoid when you have guy friends, why don't you get some?? It will stop him winding you up about it... guaranteed.

Best of luck~

Old 09-29-2006, 11:57 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 84
messee84 HB User
Re: Insecure = ruinin my relationship

Thanks...I think i will do that, already organised a couple of nights out for next wk. However he is jus startin to put goin out b4 me like this wkend for instance he said he needed to do work so couldnt see me but he's now goin out tonight so i dont see y he couldnt hav seen me, he knows i would jus go up for the night if it meant seeing him. Should I care bout that? or jus ignore it? I just think he has all wk to go out and c friends so ne spare time at the weekends shld be kept for us unless theres a planned girls/guys night out. feel like mayb he lied bout doin wrk so he wouldnt hav to see me!

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