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how to be a challenge...

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Old 09-29-2006, 02:04 PM   #1
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lady346 HB User
how to be a challenge...

...for someone that you're really into.

Its funny b/c theres this guy that has been in the picture for a little while but Im not really into him and am basically fading it out to just a friends thing. However, the ironic thing is that he is still extremely interested in me after all this time, and seems to be even MORE interested when I act uninterested, apathetic, etc (which is pretty much the majority of the time). Its like Im this huge challenge to him in his eyes, whereas, in my eyes, after 'dating him' for a short time, I just dont really care about him romantically, even though I do enjoy hanging out with him. Ive always been a very sweet, non-game-playing and sometimes TOO honest girl. Especially with guys that I really like. But after getting my heart broken and getting thrown into the dating game, Im learning how it really works.

As Im getting older Im realizing that guys seem to like a major challenge. I can understand this, b/c I like that too, seeing as I always like to be the one pursuing and guys that seem disinterested drive me crazy, b/c I think I'm a pretty great catch I dont typically throw myself all over a guy. But if I like him, I am into him. Period. I dont play games and 'act' like I could care less about whether we see each other and all that.

But I feel like being this way when starting to date someone is just a way to set myself up to get hurt again, or for a guy that I like to lose interest fast b/c Im not challenging. How can I be more of a challenge for these guys without feeling like Im changing my personality or playing major games? Id like to think that I wouldnt have to play hard-to-get for the right person...but I kind of think thats naive. The dating world (especially in NYC as Im finding out) is pretty brutal due to the high amount of people all around. I have a pretty busy social life, lots going on and I am not desperate by ANY means. Its been hard for me lately to get over some major emotional baggage, but Ive been figuring it out lately...I just try to concentrate on what I want and who I like rather than fearing rejection and worrying about what guys are thinking about me. Id just like to learn how to avoid meeting an awesome guy and then having him lose interest b/c Im not a 'challenge'. I find it hard to act like you could care less when you are into someone. Any tips would be appreciated.

Last edited by lady346; 09-29-2006 at 02:07 PM.

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Old 09-29-2006, 02:17 PM   #2
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laurie864bla HB User
Re: how to be a challenge...

Loving, nice, conversational....but BUSY has always worked for

And it does feel fake sometimes, and forced to make yourself be "busy" when you'd really rather be w them. But, in my experience--tying your hands together so you won't call, and glueing your lips shut when you want to tell them how into them you are, keeps their interst peaked.

Right? Games? Probably. Work??? YUP!

Old 09-30-2006, 10:03 AM   #3
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lady346 HB User
Re: how to be a challenge...

Yeah, busy works. I guess it just feels very forced though, because if I like someone, I make the time. And theres always this worry that if Im busy, they'll lose interest b/c Im never available. So Id like to learn how to keep it at the middle ground. Im supposed to go on a few dates within the next month so Im just trying to figure this out now and avoid getting eager and exuding my interest in someone.

Old 10-01-2006, 09:52 PM   #4
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bulletproof HB User
Re: how to be a challenge...

When it's the right person you won't have to play games. Cut this guy as a loss, and look for others. In a previous post I mentioned to you that a good thing is to have a lot of guy friends. This works for your dating life on a lot of different levels. One is that any guy you date needs to be aware that you have these male friends, and that they are more than willing to spend time with you when he isn't. It also means that you can learn to be around guys in a really relaxed and friendly way, so that if a certain one isn't interested for whatever reason you are able to walk away very easily.

Always be genuine. You will only be a challenge if a guy is looking at you and seeing a positive, friendly girl, with lots of friends, male and female, who admire you and are vying for your attention in some way or another. You can be the busiest person on the planet and not necessarily be pleasant or appealing to be around. Work on cultivating ALL your relationships, and you will benefit. Don't resort to game-playing. You may get the guy, but first off, do you really want someone that needs to be coerced? And secondly, what happens when you finally get him? You are no longer unavailable.

Old 10-02-2006, 11:52 AM   #5
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lady346 HB User
Re: how to be a challenge...

Yeah, I see your point. I do have a lot of friends and keep pretty busy, and I am genuinely happy, despite my reltsp woes I am just a very genuine person. If I like someone, i tell them. If I want to call someone, I do. Which sounds great and everything, but guys seem to go for bi*ches and girls that keep them guessing. It seems to me that guys always say they want a nice girl, but then they go for bit*ches, just as girls say they want a nice guy and go for the a**holes. Maybe its the age group Im in (mid-20s). Or the city I live in.
Ive been technically single for nearly a year now and while Im still dealing with a lot of previous reltsp issues, I guess I just wonder if I should be approaching things differently. I just found it funny that the one guy that actually was interested in me after a long span of time was the one that I wasnt too into, and therefore was 'challenging' in his eyes. I wonder... if I was actually into him and acted like it, if he would have lost interest quickly. (I recently cut that off btw...there was no point).
I know what you mean tho- why do i want someone who I have to act 'challenging' to get? All of my past serious loves (which is really just 1, maybe 2) developed without any questions, game-playing, insecurities, etc. It just clicked, and it was easy. I guess Im looking for that again but its so frustrating!! I constantly feel like, 'maybe if i did something different it would work'. But thats lying to myself, I suppose. Ive just sort of given up! Sigh.

Last edited by lady346; 10-02-2006 at 11:54 AM.

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