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Is there a way to fix how i go about relationships?

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Old 10-01-2006, 11:41 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 67
Soldat HB User
Is there a way to fix how i go about relationships?

I have a problem. I am an extremely affectionate person, so when Im single, I just dont feel nearly as good when I have someone to trade affection with. I avoid one night stands and casual sex because I like to have an emotional connection. The problem is, I feel uncomplete without a girlfriend, and am always on the hunt when Im single. This results in alot of relationships and in turn, alot of disappointments. With every failure, i get more and more spiteful and angry with the way Im consistently lied to and led on.

I tend to become more and more "evil" with every failed relationship. I get jaded, uncaring, sarcastic and pessemistic about relationships, and this just attracts more girls for some stupid reason. So I keep getting more relationships, then more lies and disappointment, and more see where this is going.

I dont want to be one of those guys in theor 30s thats a self righteous woman hater, so the way I see it, if I can find a way to stop needing affection, it'll stop setting off this chain of events. Should I see a counselor? Talk to a friend? get hypnotised or something?

Im just sick of feeling empty when Im on my own, wary when Im taken, and hateful when Im lied to and used. Any advice?

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Old 10-02-2006, 06:55 AM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 197
JBravo223 HB User
Re: Is there a way to fix how i go about relationships?

Hey dude, I kind of have the same problem and I am 30. I am not the type of person that likes to be alone. When I am, I get really bored and bummed out. But I think that is my problem because when I am in a relationship I try "extra" hard to make things work and usually end up killing the relationship. One night stands for me kind of make me feel empty... that probably sounds weird coming from a guy.

A counsler might be a good idea. I have been thinking about that also. I guess I need to find out why I want to be loved by someone else so much and how I can fix that problem so I can be happy without a woman in my life.

My dad and brother are the same as me and I am starting to see the pattern.

Old 10-02-2006, 01:17 PM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 84
messee84 HB User
Re: Is there a way to fix how i go about relationships?

Call me a pop psychologist but sounds like theres sumthin missing within yourself that means you continually seek to fulfill this through relationships. I think perhaps you do need to see someone proffessionally to help you figure out what this emptiness is you feel when you are single, perhaps in the meanwhile try to become friends with women before becoming romantically involved. I think this would help restore your faith that there are some nice women out there and allow you to get to know someone before you are so deeply involved that any disappointment results in you being hurt.

Old 10-03-2006, 08:02 AM   #4
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: "central", KY, USA
Posts: 343
thegardener HB User
Re: Is there a way to fix how i go about relationships?

Soldat and Bravo, counseling, counseling, counseling, counseling. In order to find a healthy relationship, you cannot be desperate and accepting of whatever you can find. You have to be able to stay alone so that you can find what you need and not settle for whatever comes along. The worse that your situation gets the more likely that you are going to attract lower quality mates because the more stable females are going to stay far away from you. There is something fixable going on here that can be corrected with counseling. Please go.

Last edited by thegardener; 10-03-2006 at 08:08 AM.

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