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cheated on over and over again seek mens support groups in Illinois or advice

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Old 10-02-2006, 04:07 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2
needadvice2 HB User
Unhappy cheated on over and over again seek mens support groups in Illinois or advice

married 8 years, nice brand new home was a hard worker, good provider, good husband and father. I was very romantic, we traveled and I thought we had a nice life. Wife was stay at home mom, 2 years after second was born, and unknown to me, she began an online relationship with old boyfriend found through an old classmate related web site who was also married that developed into an 8 month relationship that ended up with meeting in hotel rooms before I discovered it. Ugly 2 year divorce, now get along well for sake of children, boyfriend ended up divorcing himself and ex-wife and him now married 2 years. After my divorce met beautiful girl who was divorced twice, treated me very nice, I treated her very nice, she was struggling financially on her own in apartment, I again built another nice home, it was empty and I helped her out with her finances, but with empty home and her struggling financially, we deceided to move in together in my home, things great first 6 months, she opened up to me and I discovered wild side and dark past, she explained the past was in the past, really loved me and wanted to always be with me and really wanted a normal life with the right man. I felt she was being honest, everyone has faults and a past and deserves benefit of the doubt. She wanted to finish school and work. Afterwords, we began to argue badly and then made up. She had nowhere to go and couldn't afford a place to live on her own. We kept making up and her school and future looked bright as i continued to help her. She got a job part time in dictors office and immedialely treated me bad and sercetive, I was suspicious and the story ends she had relationship with geeky nerdy doctor who recently has his wife leave him. She left abruptly but appears to have a nice place to live and also appears doctor set her up. She has 2 children too who are riding this wave with her, besides doctor support, appears she may be seing other men as well to (additional financial support?). Her leaving and her new set up all happened within the last few weeks.

Is the problem them, really me in some way? Am I too gulable, am I attracting the wrong women, does anybody have some advice as to where I can turn to for relationship recovery, support groups and advice on how to move forward without feeling I should just give up on all women and relationships?

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Old 10-03-2006, 10:37 AM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 84
messee84 HB User
Re: cheated on over and over again seek mens support groups in Illinois or advice

I wish I could tell you why this happened to all honesty in might just be a horrible coincidence that this has happened twice. Perhaps the second relationship was just a rebound from both of your previous marriages and to be honest it sounds like she is a user (used you and these other men now) but you fell for her because you wanted to be loved again after being so hurt. Who can blame you? Its 100% normal to feel like all women are liars and untrustworthy in your shoes but it's not the case. Maybe you need to see a counsellor just to talk it over and it may help you see if there is something about you that attracts the wrong women.

Old 10-03-2006, 11:09 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 264
BetsyJean HB User
Re: cheated on over and over again seek mens support groups in Illinois or advice

To be honest, I was single until I was 35. It's the only reason that I am on my 1st marriage instead of my 3rd... I'm sure that if you are truly as you desribe yourself you will most certainly be out there in the dating world again no matter how you may feel right now. I had many distastrous relationships while single and couldn't begin to tell you all of the things I would do differently.

For starters though
*I would have stayed in no relationship for more than one year if it wasn't obvious that the man wanted to marry me.
*I would never have lived with someone without being married.
*Instead of a list of what I wanted, I would have had a list of "dealbreakers". People who are rude to waitresses are tops on the list - it says more about their character than you could ever guess.
*I would have paid less attention to "fireworks" & more to someone who shares my values, morals, ethics, etc.
*Nice wins over a butthead.
*I would have elimated the phrase "we need to work this out" while in the dating phase. If you can't get along while dating what is that trying to tell you?

For now, here's the one you need to hear although it isn't the easiest:

Give your dating life a break for at least 6 months. Don't even THINK about it, do stuff for you - volunteer - spend more time with the kids if custody allows - take a class - go to Toastmasters - just don't date.
You're not giving up on women, you're just not giving yourself the opportunity to torpedo a new relationship while you feel like you do today..

You sound like a great guy - but if you jump out there too soon again & find another wrong gal for you, well you'll get bitter & cynical and won't end up with the right kind of woman..

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