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    Old 10-08-2006, 12:38 PM   #16
    Pianoman1959
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I can certainly empathize with your situation. Since my divorce, I had hoped to meet someone but it has hardly gone as smoothly as I had hoped. As I mentioned in another post, I tried the online dating deal which didn't work for me. I was a very good husband and would make a very good partner/husband for someone else. Being alone can really hurt but I was very alone during my marriage. At least, now, I have a chance to meet someone. It's difficult to find the right person and I'm afraid to make another mistake. Plus, the dating world can be pretty nasty and dishonest. Plus, I'm a teacher and don't make the kind of money that many women seem to require here in California. Someone told me that when I give up on meeting someone, that's when the right person will come along. I haven't given up but I'm not going to sit in front of my computer doing EHARMONY anymore. The Hell with that!!

     
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    Old 10-08-2006, 06:04 PM   #17
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Pianoman1959
    I haven't given up but I'm not going to sit in front of my computer doing EHARMONY anymore. The Hell with that!!
    LOL, yeah, the Hell with that! We are all good people and would make great partners for the right person. I haven't really given up yet, either, but I hope to meet someone in a more natural way.

     
    Old 10-08-2006, 07:08 PM   #18
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I agree! I don't really want to pay to have to meet someone. Of course I don't know where to meet guys right now.
    The one I talked about in another post is just too d*** wishy washy. So I am trying to get that crush out of my mind and leave my other options open. It's just sad when I had such a strong feeling about him.
    Anyways I am rambling. I pray that everyone on the post finds the man/woman of their dreams!!

     
    Old 10-08-2006, 10:08 PM   #19
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Dear GlamourGal,

    Long time, no post. I miss your posts.

    I understand how you feel and I'm not going to tell you to "stop looking, he's around the corner", or "keep yourself busy", or "finding your man won't take away your loneliness", but the last statement is true. But you already know all those crappy sayings.

    Hang in there. I wish I could wave my hands and take away your feeling of loneliness. I still get lonely too.

    It's okay if you're lonely, what you do with your loneliness is what matters.

    One day, you'll look back & you will miss these quiet times.

    Peace.

    .

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 08:42 AM   #20
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I understand how you all feel. I am going through the loneliness of being alone right now. The pain hurts, but I tell myself it just isn't my time yet. I mean I have great friends and family, but I miss that one aspect of having a partner in life. You know!? It doesn't help when everyone around me has a significant other either and they are constantly talking about them. Gets really irritating and at times you think they have no respect for that fact that you are hurting at the moment. I am generally extremely happy with my life right now I just miss that one aspect. It does get extremely lonely. I have learned to acknowledge the loneliness rather than try to pretend like I'm not. I have given up on looking for "love". Rather I am taking the time to spend it alone with myself. So, it is just me, myself, and I for the time being.

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 09:26 AM   #21
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Yeah, I know what you mean. It does get frustrating when you see most of your friends paired off and you just can't seem to find your match. My friend just recently advised me that at this point, I should just try to get pregnant with an ex-boyfriend so that at least I have a child because I don't have that many fertile years left. Just told me to be realistic. It was so sad. That's not what I wanted or envisioned for myself in life. I want it ALL, not just a child without a father. I know I deserve better. Good luck to us all!

    Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 02:41 PM.

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 08:53 PM   #22
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    My friend just recently advised me that at this point, I should just try to get pregnant with an ex-boyfriend so that at least I have a child because I don't have that many fertile years left. Just told me to be realistic. It was so sad. That's not what I wanted or envisioned for myself in life. I want it ALL, not just a child without a father. I know I deserve better. Good luck to us all!
    well, toots, that has to be the worst thing i ever heard actually, you derserve everything and you'll get it, and you have many fertile years left; at least 10-15 yrs and being a single mom is not cool as you can imagine.

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 09:15 PM   #23
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I had a really great weekend. I spent Saturday with my mom, aunt, and cousin who has a 3 month old baby. We went out to eat and shopped. My mom told me that I hogged the baby, and I admit that I did! He was just sooo adorable. I truly hope that in the not too distant future I can have a baby of my own.

    Sophia, how upsetting that your friend told you that you should get pregnant with an ex! You definitely do deserve better!! Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair that our dreams are taking so long to come true, and it is hard to deal with the reality of it. I am worried about my best friend. She has only known the guy she is dating for a little over a week and she is so in love with him already. It has been a while since she has been in a relationship and I am worried that she might be getting too invested too soon. She just called me sooo upset because she had called him yesterday and he had not returned her call yet. She was literally crying and going crazy on the phone, and then he beeped in while we were talking. I'm glad that she has finally met a guy she is crazy about, but it is hard to talk to her anymore because she is already acting like they are married, and it sounds like to me that he is using her. Anyway, I'll be here if she needs me, but she's a grown girl, so hopefully she will use good judgement.

    Fabat, thanks for your words of wisdom! I have missed you too!!

    I think the hardest thing for me to deal with right now, even more so than being lonely, is that I don't like that people feel sorry for me because I am single. I don't like people sadly looking at me, and talking about me like I am missing out. I am happy with my life, and I do wish I had someone, but I do know that I don't HAVE to have someone in order to be happy.

    Last edited by glamourgal; 10-09-2006 at 09:16 PM.

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 10:07 PM   #24
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I hear ya. Ive been single for a little under a year now, but I dont even look at that as truly being single b/c I was getting over a horrible breakup. It isnt until recently that Ive felt OK to really, truly date again and its been HARD. It has been fun, too, but...I dont know, I am constantly amazed by the way some men think (especially when in their 20's, as I am). I tend to find myself in situations where guys only want to get some, and in the rare situation that I actually think, eh, why not, I find myself sometimes even lonelier. I end up still unhappy b/c I am not getting what i want, which is something consistent, with someone who really cares for me and will want to be with me and work for me and just be caring and loving. But...I just keep finding players and/or guys Im not attracted to. I just posted recently about a guy that I got set up with who came highly recommended from an amazing friend, and he didnt even ask for my # b/c I wouldnt do anything physical with him the very first time we met!!! Its horrifying.
    Im young but Im still frustrated too. I live alone, and I love it, but sometimes it gets hard. I stay really busy and find myself only home on the weeknights, and even thats only for a few hours late at night. But Im the type of person that needs to constantly be on the go, or my mind starts going. And a lot of the time, my idle mind turns to negative thoughts on relationships. Not good.
    Im in this phase right now where Im really just trying to have fun, meet a bunch of ppl and have a good time without putting much emphasis on others. I am really trying to concentrate on myself and do fun things while Im single. But I wonder- I always grew up with the dreams of having the marriage and the kids and doing things with a great love (travel and holidays, etc.). I had that in some ways with my ex, but now that Im back at Square One its tough. I agree about the 'finding oneself'. I definitely am trying to do that, but I mean, I cant soul-search my whole life. I am basically trying to just enjoy my mid-20s with my friends in NYC, but I cant say I dont get lonely and/or discouraged. It doesnt help that I keep meeting ridiculous guys. Ah well.

    Last edited by lady346; 10-09-2006 at 10:09 PM.

     
    Old 10-10-2006, 08:51 PM   #25
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by glamourgal
    I had a really great weekend. I spent Saturday with my mom, aunt, and cousin who has a 3 month old baby. We went out to eat and shopped. My mom told me that I hogged the baby, and I admit that I did! He was just sooo adorable. I truly hope that in the not too distant future I can have a baby of my own.


    I think the hardest thing for me to deal with right now, even more so than being lonely, is that I don't like that people feel sorry for me because I am single. I don't like people sadly looking at me, and talking about me like I am missing out. I am happy with my life, and I do wish I had someone, but I do know that I don't HAVE to have someone in order to be happy.
    I love babies! they smell so sweet and they make those cute sounds! I hog them too! LOL When I see a baby walking by in a stroller, I just can't help but try to peek in there just to get a glimpse of their angelic faces. I'm glad you had a nice weekend.

    In regards to people feeling sorry for you because you're single, I used to have those too.... people used to say to me, "Oh, don't worry, you'll find one soon, he's out there" while they're patting me on the back. I feel like turning around and slapping their hands off of me! LOL But you know something, being married for a short time now, It's a HUGE adjustment. Nobody can convince me that I can still have my independence in a marriage, no matter how understanding my husband is. I still have to consider him. For example, the other night, I texted my son and told him that I'll be home late, going out to dinner w/ some friends. But I completely forgot to text my husband! HAHAHA! When I left the restaurant, I had 3 messeges from my husband... I completely forgot to tell him that I was coming home late. LOL I felt so bad, but then again, it's an adjustment that I truly don't like. I've been answering to only one man, my main man (my son) for years and now I have to answer to two. BIG SIGH.

    In my humble opinion, those people who pitty single people are jealous that they have so much freedom to do things whenever they want, wherever they want and with whomever they want. A part of me still want that freedom I so much enjoyed. Consider the source hon, they're probably unhappy and stuck in a marriage they so much want out of, but too scared to do it.

    Hang in there kiddo.

    I hope you find peace.

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 08:45 PM   #26
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Arrrgh, yeah, Glamour! It is such a paradox! I have a friend who's boyfriend just can't make that commitment after a few years of dating, and periodically he stops picking up her calls and then she literally freaks out and turns into a psycho, calling him every 5 minutes!!! And yet, as soon as everything is resolved, she will criticize me for being too soft, not assertive enough, not "cool" enough, etc. It's sooooo easy to talk when you're not emotionally invested in the situation. I think I will stop talking to my friends about my relationships or potential relationships altogether. And I know what you mean how those people who are with someone make it a point to highlight it and then you end up feeling like a "loser." I'm trying so hard to ignore it but it's kinda hard. ALL the students in my department are girls, and most of them are in relationships, even the not-so-attractive ones. I just don't say anything when they talk about their boyfriends. I just shut up and smile. I mean, what am I supposed to say? Our turn is coming soon, GG! I feel it

     
    Old 10-15-2006, 09:21 AM   #27
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    GG, I totally understand where you are coming from. And Sweetcucumber, I think I could've written some of your exact posts myself, they hit so close to home.

    I am so lonely.

    I have been single for almost 2 years now, which is shocking for me. I have never too much of a problem attracting men, and many I can't find obvious fault with - but none that I feel any sort of connection with and it leaves me feeling so hopeless and alone. I have dated a little and was with a guy for a month or two, others were just one-off's, but I always leave them after a short time, feeling as hollow and alone as ever. I even had a casual physical relationship with a really fun guy for months, trying to forget my ex... but it did not change my feeling of loneliness and I ended it which only caused him sadness. Sometimes I crave intimacy - both physical and emotional - so badly it feels like it is killing me.

    I empathise with Sweetcucumber because I am quite painfully addicted to my feelings for 2 men... one being my ex-boyfriend, who I never recovered from after our awful breakup 2 years ago. My feelings for him are very strong, and I invest so much time thinking about him that sometimes my chest hurts with thoughts of him. Beyond him there is only one other man who I desperately want to be with, but he is in a long-term relationship at present, despite the fact that he is very flirty and intimate with me, and can never seem to keep his eyes off me. We are close, talk often, and connect on many levels. But then sometimes he will avoid me like the plague, and even becomes nervous and distant around me, which is just plain confusing

    My theory is that because I have noone in my life, I focus in on these men that are basically unattainable, because I have nobody better to occupy myself with. But then because I am obsessing about them, I have no motivation or desire to start any potential relationships with anyone else, or even give them a chance. So it is a vicious, unbreaking cycle, and I don't know what there is to be done about it. I just keep hanging in there in the hopes that something will 'happen', cos there are occasions where it seems very possible, going by their actions towards me. But then...nothing.

    I am only 22, but I feel old and sad inside. I feel like I have noone and never will. I feel like the novelty of 'finding myself' and having time to do the things I love and meet new people has worn off long ago, and now I am just becoming more and more lonely and depressed. My friends are in relationships, or at least pursuing them and enjoying themselves, and it eats away at me that they have someone to spend a cozy friday night in with, and I have nothing but my lonely apartment. I am not close to my family and only see them every fortnight or so. I try to keep myself busy and surround myself with friends, but I am seen as the mature, collected and independant one of my group, and it is hard to relate my fears and loneliness to them - they don't have anything constructive to say besides "you'll find someone, you'll be fine" and then start asking me what to do about all their problems and issues which I have even less answers to.

    Sometimes I feel like I will be waiting for my ex forever, and will grow old alone. But then, I can't force myself to go out there and truly want someone. That feels so stale and forced, and I have seen my ex go down that path and end up worse than he started. I'm so unhappy.

    P.S. Hi to Sophia, hope you have been well xox

    Last edited by ~Tyger~; 10-15-2006 at 09:35 AM.

     
    Old 10-16-2006, 05:38 AM   #28
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fabat40
    ...In my humble opinion, those people who pitty single people are jealous that they have so much freedom to do things whenever they want, wherever they want and with whomever they want. A part of me still want that freedom I so much enjoyed. Consider the source hon, they're probably unhappy and stuck in a marriage they so much want out of, but too scared to do it....
    OK...OK... LOL. No need to add insult to injuries So us paying the penances like to tease the fortunately free as consolations to our own bad predicaments. But fools make the world go around...so to speak.

    Loneliness is more a state of mind than the physical surroundings. You can be in the middle of a family gathering with cherished friends and still feel "lonely". Been there, done it, did the wrong thing again...darn it.

    The key to "not looking" is to find the social activities (i.e. there are other people present) where you will get enjoyment regardless of meeting someone or not. It's kinda of like going fishing for me these days. I'm just glad to be out and about, away from the house and office. To actually catch something suitable for dinner is just a bonus.

    Who knows? It is probably more likely for you to land that catch on your next trip to the hardware store or garden center. Just don't hang out with guys that blabs on endlessly about power tools or fertilizers.

    Cheers and good luck.

     
    Old 10-19-2006, 09:38 PM   #29
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I know how you feel Tyger. I am 24 and it seems almost everyone in my life is married, getting married, or in a relationship. It is very hard these days especially when the two guys I was talking to don't seem to be interested anymore.
    I am the one that has finished college, good job, new house and yet don't seem to have anyone to share it with.
    On the other hand I do love my free time and not having to answer to but I wonder that all of this love and nurturing I have to give will go to waste. I seem to be the only one of my friends who thinks that though.
    I do wish you all happiness and peace!

     
    Old 10-20-2006, 03:50 AM   #30
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    Re: So Tired of Being Lonely

    I'm so sad today I came clean to my ex and told him I wanted him back.. that he is the one I want to end out my days with and that I haven't stopped loving him, the love has just changed and grown. He was hugging me and was emotional about it, but the bottom line is he said he couldn't do it again, for whatever reasons he has, and he wants to remain friends even though he has a strong attraction to me still which he has to work through.

    So thats that and I am very depressed. It seems I am going to be alone, probably for a long time to come... while he, and everyone else i know, is going to move on and get married and start a family. I think my soul will just break when he does that without me. And I don't feel like I have much left in me as it is.

    He used to love me so much... he treated me like a princess... I feel like its all my fault for messing things up and us having to end. I should've held tighter to what I had and now its too late.

    I cant take much more of being alone. I just want someone to hold me and love me and the prospect of going to bed alone every night and waking up just as alone is more than I can bear these days

    Don't know how to cope. Since we broke up, all I can remember is being lonely, whether I'm temporarily with a guy, or not.

     
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