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need a man's perspective on this

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Old 10-06-2006, 11:49 AM   #1
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besafe20 HB User
need a man's perspective on this

My friend has just informed me that she is 7 weeks pregnant. She lives out of the country right and now and the father of the baby is her boyfriend of a year. I don't know him so I can't really say what kind of guy he is. She told me he begged for this baby and now that she is pregnant he is in denial or something. She just said he isn't really acting excited about it and he isn't giving her and of those "how are you feeling" phone calls or anything like that. They don't live together by the way. She said he still calls but he is just acting different. So I am kind of worried for her now and thinking that this guy isn't up for the challenge or something. Maybe he has cold feet now? But since I am not a guy I could be way off. When she asked for my advice I tried to play it off like it was just a "guy thing" and it is probably fine and I told her she should have a serious conversation with him about the pregnancy. So I think I gave some good advice but what do you think is going through this guy's head?

Last edited by besafe20; 10-06-2006 at 11:50 AM.

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Old 10-06-2006, 12:00 PM   #2
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JBravo223 HB User
Re: need a man's perspective on this

He is probably scared to death... but he needs to man up and deal with it.

Old 10-06-2006, 12:17 PM   #3
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CyberNick HB User
Re: need a man's perspective on this

It's cliche I know, but it takes two to make a kid. How does your friend feel? Does she want this baby? How old are the both of them?

All she can do is what you reccomended; have a serious talk about it. Even if it is just cold feet, he needs to suck it up and support her.

Old 10-06-2006, 12:32 PM   #4
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: need a man's perspective on this

If these two weren't ready to get married or even live together yet, what in the world made either of them think they were ready to have a child together?

The idea of a baby probably seemed cool for a fleeting moment to this guy, but now that the reality has come along it is a whole nother story. I am sure he is scared, but I'm also sure he isn't ready for this and it should have been pretty obvious. I have no idea what made your friend think it would be a good idea to get pregnant by someone she doesn't even have a real commitment with.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

Old 10-06-2006, 01:23 PM   #5
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besafe20 HB User
Re: need a man's perspective on this

Thanks for the replies. She is 23 and I have no idea how old this guy is. She is happy about it and trying to figure out a way to tell her family. She plans on telling them in november. I know that is kind of young but I am not one to talk I was 21 when I had my son. But at least when I told my boyfriend he was very concerned for me and wanted to get married and everything (we have been married for 3 years) and he never treated me the way this guy is kind of being towards my friend. So I am worried this guy may run out on her and the baby especially when it is born (since thats when it really gets hard!) But hopefully he can step up since he was the one wanting a baby in the first place. I don't know I am worried about this though.

Old 10-07-2006, 10:31 AM   #6
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brazilman HB User
Re: need a man's perspective on this


I presume the guy is about as old as your friend. Anyway, from my standpoint, too young and immature to be the father of a kid. At his age, it is very rare for a man to want to have kids. Maybe he told her so because he wanted sex in the first place. She should have known better.

Of course he should respond to it. In one way or another, he should help financially, emotionally or both this young mother, but I am sorry for this child because he or she will come to the world fatherless, unless her mother is able to find a good substitute (grandfather?). The child, if it is a girl, may have difficulty with other men when she grows up, particularly if her mother (your friend) keeps telling her bad things about her father. If it is a boy, he may want to repeat in his later life what his father did to his mother. So it is a pretty difficult situation.

What I mean to say is that I would be especially concerned about this fatherless child and would try to provide him or her with the best education possible in order to make up for this essential loss.

If the guy refuses to help, I would not insist and leave it at that. It is hard to be a single mother, but it is also very hard to be quarreling about money and support and trying to get it in vain from someone who is not willing to surrender.

I hope your friend can find the best support from her own family. May she have a healthy child and be able to make friends with her child and lead a life happy enough together.


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