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advice/opinions needed....

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Old 10-07-2006, 08:14 AM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 20
crazyasthewind HB User
advice/opinions needed....

Hmmm...don't really know where to start...well, i guess i will start at the beginning. So here goes nothing!

I separated from my husband of 7 yrs (married for 4) because of issues which i will not discuss here, in July, and have recently began communicating with a guy.

This guy is extremely nice, can hold a decent conversation, is considerate, kind, has a great sense of humour, is good looking too, and actually treats me with respect. Although i have only been talking to him for 1 month...i can't say dating, cause i don't think that is what it is. At any rate, the reason why i need someone else's viewpoint, is because i am kinda confused.
This guy seems great so far right? lol....well, he is, the only thing is that he does not work, he is on a pension because of his diabetes and anxiety issues. Now, i really don't care that he has diabetes, because that can be controlled with diet and/or medication....same thing with the anxiety issue....heck...i think that we all have anxiety issues, just some people require medication and others do not. What seems to be bothering me a little bit, is that every time I mention to my friends and/or family about him not having employment, they are all like "drop him". Well, i do not agree with that rationale....but then again, they are my friends and family and are only looking after my best interests, which i do understand, but....geez, its annoying. I really like this guy and I would like to get to know him better, but i do not want my friends and family to have preconceived notions that he is a bum. He is not, he has his own income, and has worked in the past, just isn't working right now.
Arrrg! I usually know what to do most of the time, and what to say....but sometimes, as in this situation, i have no idea and that is why i need some help with this.
Any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated!

It was funny, when i talked to my brother about this guy, he asked me what my ex husband thought of this...and i was like...who cares? He has nothing to do with my life anymore (ALOT of BS went on in that relationship....i have another thread explaining it...) and that i do not care whatsoever what my ex thinks. My brother is another one of those that thinks that i should run from this guy...(sigh)

Thank you for reading.

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Old 10-07-2006, 08:42 AM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Br
Posts: 224
brazilman HB User
Re: advice/opinions needed....

Hello to you:

After reading your post, three things have crossed my mind:

1. I think you have known this guy for too short a period of time. Keep in touch with him to know him better, but don't commit yourself, don't make any lifelong decision (engagement, marriage, etc) until you feel reasonably safe with him.

2. Try to find a friendly way to present him to your relatives and friends. Maybe a meeting or a party? If they see him and talk to him, they may be able to stop with their prejudice and see him in a more favourable way. Or worse. Now, that is a risk you have to run. As I see it, it is vital for you to keep your friends and at the same time have a good relationship with a partner. It may be difficult to conciliate both sides perfectly, you will probably lean towards one or the other, but it's up to you to try to find a balanced condition in-between, if you see what I mean.

3. Can a man who has diabetes and anxiety issues lead a normal sexual life? How important is sex for you? Would you be willing to accept a sexless relationship, or a relationship in which sex is limited or occasional?

There are other things to say, but I think this is enough for the time being.

Best to you and him.


Old 10-07-2006, 09:07 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 20
crazyasthewind HB User
Re: advice/opinions needed....

Hello Jose,

Thank you for replying. And i want to let you know that what you wrote made alot of sense. I do know that it hasn;t been that long that i have known this guy....and no...i am not planning on anything THAT serious right I just want to get to know him better, and some things came up that i needed help with. I was thinking along the same line as you about introducing him to my friends and family...good idea.
Also, although i do think that sex is an important part of a relationship, i have no problems with a sexless marriage or infrequent sex...if the rest of the relationship is good.

I guess that i just have to wait and see, and get to know the guy more....but i like hearing opinions from those who are not so close to the situation

Thanks again!

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