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Old 10-18-2006, 08:10 PM   #1
Hope Always
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
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Hope Always HB User

I could really use your input! I am in a relationship that has been back and forth for 3 years. During this time I have delt with a man who I thought was a dream come true to a man who was physically abusive for a short period of time and verbally abusive consistently when he is angry. Its crazy because when I met him I was actually just finalizing my emotions from a very bad marriage and he was so understanding about my past. To try and keep this short I have ended this relationship so many times because of his anger and verbal insults and the fear i have of my child being around this (which is why i left my ex husband while my child was still young). every time I walk away from it and ask him to stop calling he leaves messages and calls non stop crying and saying sorry. i always try again because I hope we will work it out and i know my child adores him. I am in this same place again and we are once again apart and the calls are coming in. i feel like I am losing my mind and i am so depressed and really sick of doing this in my life. I would just love to have a normal loving relationship for myself and my child. I am wondering if there is even such a thing? I would love your advice

Last edited by Hope Always; 10-18-2006 at 08:13 PM.

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Old 10-18-2006, 08:56 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Bracelet HB User
Re: Confused

Originally Posted by Hope Always
I would just love to have a normal loving relationship for myself and my child. I am wondering if there is even such a thing? I would love your advice
ANYTHING at this point would be better than what you currently have, which is a great big wad of crap. Sorry. But it's true. You'll never know, though, because you won't leave this guy. How many more times are you going to let him manipulate you (because that's all he's doing) into coming back? YOU are the only one with the power to break the cycle. It has to be up to YOU to end it. Only then can you move on and see what life is like without abuse and constant fear like what you are living now.

Listen, life can be a beautiful and precious thing when you are surrounded by calm and peace. But when you're constantly on edge because of an abusive relationship, everything seems really horrible and awful and there seems to be nowhere to go. But there is, and that is - AWAY! You have to leave this pig and seek peace for yourself and your child. This is so unhealthy for the child, you really can't stay in this relationship one moment longer, and if not for yourself than for your child. Although it should be for both of you because you both deserve a better life than this.

A truly better life is definitely out there for you. But you will never know what it's like until you get away from this situation.

Old 10-19-2006, 05:04 AM   #3
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brook65 HB User
Re: Confused

As a singe mum, we can always guarantee that the weidos with anger problems find us!

It is so classic, infact most single mums find themselves with men like this, they start off as the wolf in sheeps clothing, get us hooked and then change into the wolf.

It has happened to me three times, they hunt for the single mums as they feel we have less opportunities and perhaps will put up with a lot more crap then say a young footloose and fancyfree lady!

I say think of your child, it will affect her, get rid of him, you don't need to be with him.

Take care

Last edited by brook65; 10-19-2006 at 09:00 AM.

Old 10-19-2006, 08:25 AM   #4
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Re: Confused

The definition of "Insanity" is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
Sound like your relationship?
Change your number, don't tell him where you live, do ANYTHING to stay away from him. He keeps coming back and treating you like crap because you allow it and he knows he can get away with it. And so what if your child likes him? Will the child like him in the future as they watch this guy continue to verbally and possible physically abuse you??? It's your responsibility to create a healthy & safe environment for your child. Being with this guy and letting this happen over and over again isn't healthy or safe - for your child of for you.
Don't settle just because you think he's the only one. He isn't.

Old 10-19-2006, 01:14 PM   #5
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Re: Confused

you need to be done with him once and for all.

I strongly suggest you do some research on borderline personality disorder, or BPD......he meets some of the criteria.

Old 10-19-2006, 01:33 PM   #6
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RiAnne HB User
Re: Confused

i don't know how many women i've told this very thing - men do this to see if the woman is weak enough to fall for the same crap again and again. everytime you do it again, it is another success for him. i've actually heard this from males that do this to females. most actually laugh when the woman, once again, falls for the same mess. and yes i'm serious they do laugh.

Old 10-19-2006, 01:49 PM   #7
Join Date: Oct 2006
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mimijoy HB User
Re: Confused

You already know that he is not good for you. If he is not good for you, he cannot be good for your child. Do not accept his calls or visits. As long as you will listen to his excuses, he will continue to creep back into your life (and I do mean creep). He will take everything from you and leave you with nothing. You need to develop a new life with new friendships. In time, those friendships will lead you to a healthier, more stable future. Join a church group or sign up to volunteer at one of your local schools.Let others see what you have to offer and in time, you will also see yourself as a valuable human being who has a lot to offer. Be choosy and don't settle for less than what you are truly looking for. You should be worshipped by any man who deserves you.

Old 10-19-2006, 08:48 PM   #8
Hope Always
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
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Re: Confused

Thank you all for your great advice. I only hope I have the stength to make this happen. There are so many times I love just being alone and free of this when it is just my Child and I at home. After a while I start missing the companionship. I wonder sometimes if I even have the energy to start again or if I even want to. There just seems to be so many bad relationships. So instead I bury myself in my career and my Child and just keep pulling through another day. I agree with a lot of what you are saying and believe me my child is always the reason I push this away and then something happens and I jump back in. i swear it is the worst feeling ever to feel so mixed up! I really need to make this happen or I know other 3 years will fly by and I will still be hear. Any advice on how to not let him get to me? Unfortunately he will always have access to me through other numbers that i cant change.

Last edited by Hope Always; 10-19-2006 at 08:50 PM.

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