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He and I have this "cycle" we go through every few months...

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Old 10-22-2006, 07:32 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Michigan
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CUCrusaders24 HB User
He and I have this "cycle" we go through every few months...

Hi All,

I have written about a guy in my life a couple times before. I've known him for a little over two years; here's a brief synopsis: When we first met, there was talk of dating. I was not ready, and admittedly drug him along but still althewhile told him I wasn't ready for something serious and was scared to get into anything. Well, he started dating another girl, and he and I would still hang out (quite often though, but never with her. I think for a while he wouldn't let me meet her). We've not been intimate, although it was brought up during his relationship with her and several times after they broke up. Well, we talked intermittenly for the last year, and he had expressed frustration to me, saying: "You could have returned my're giving up on our friendship..." etc. I pretty much told him I didn't know if we even HAD a friendship, although I still had feelings for him (and really, I still do). The week after they broke up, he called me and told me they did, saying "You told me to call when I was single..." I went over there and we hung out a few times (this was in June) but he then told me he wasn't romantically interested in me, but we could, you intimate...It honestly hurt, because I felt like he lead me to think he wanted me. I did not do anything with him, and that's pretty much the last time we hung out. I did talk to him once over the summer, and the conversation ended with him telling me how many girls he was sleeping with regularly (yeah, he really felt a need to tell me that).

Fast forward to now...he called and left a message a couple days ago, inviting me to a concert with him and a couple other people, and said he was calling to "See how I was." Out of the blue, like it has been...two, maybe three months go by...he calls, I get confused, and wonder if I should call back, because I don't think I'll ever stop caring about him...but it gets my hopes up again that he wants to be with me, and I end up getting crushed again. A part of me feels like he is STILL mad at me for stringing him along, all that time ago, but he just didn't get over it. I had apologized to him but I don't know...

I've gone out on dates with a few men, but nothing has panned out for me. In a way, I feel like things seem to find a way back to him, either in my thoughts, or like I said, him calling.

Why are we doing this, especially since we've never been "together" as a couple? Does he just call when/if I pop in his mind? Its like a cycle that keeps on going...

Last edited by CUCrusaders24; 10-22-2006 at 08:04 AM.

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Old 10-24-2006, 09:14 AM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 84
messee84 HB User
Re: He and I have this "cycle" we go through every few months...

I really think you have to just make a total break from this. dont call him, dont respond to his calls. Dont c him full stop. Break this cycle as it's obv hurting your feelings and he really dont sound worth it!!!

Old 10-24-2006, 10:48 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: He and I have this "cycle" we go through every few months...

I don't think he was too upset that you "drug him along" in the beginning because he started to date someone else. If he had feelings about you, they couldn't have been that strong, because why didn't he pursue you instead of dating someone else? Well, then during his relationship with someone else, he talked about being intimate with you -- right there is a red flag -- he probably would have cheated on her with you had you pursued it. But, I think it would have just been physical for him. That's because of what he said when he was finally single -- he told you what he wanted our of your relationship when he said that he wasn't romantically interested in you but that you could still be intimate. Sounds to me like a guy trying to get his jollies off with no strings attached -- or like he wants to get his milk for free. I think deep down you realized that and stopped hanging out with him. Then you talk to him again, and he tells you he's sleeping with lots of different women --- obviously another sign that he's just out for the sex, and that he's not interested in you. Guys usually don't tell a girl that they're sleeping with other people regularly if they are interested in her. I think he felt the need to tell you that so you wouldn't be interested in him.

I think his recent phone call was probably just as he said -- to see how you've been. Plus, he hasn't gotten you in bed yet. So, you're still somewhat of a challenge to him. But, I think he has made his intentions clear in the past. He may want to sleep with you, but only for selfish reasons.

I agree that you should cut the cycle. I think that keeping your hopes up for him may be keeping you from becoming interested in other guys.

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