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Friend irritated at me about situation

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Old 10-27-2006, 06:03 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 93
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Unhappy Friend irritated at me about situation

I think my friend is upset at me. I can't read her signals right. Here's what happened...

She and I are both married and we went on a cruise together this last week without our husbands. On one evening we went for a bite to eat late at night and we ended up sitting next to a bunch of strangers. One of them was an older gentleman (in his mid 70's maybe). My friend is a very talkative and friendly person, so she talked with this man. He told us his story about why he was on the cruise (to meet new people and get out because his wife recently died). So the man said that he'd have to do a lot of dancing to burn off the calories (we were eatting lots of chocolate). She said that we were going to go dancing too. He mentioned that he was going to try the club on the same deck that we were going to. I think he asked if he could join us, or that he'd check it out. Either way, he followed us and my friend and I thought he wouldn't stay because the club was very loud with hip hop music and it was quite late.

During this whole time I was feeling sick and I wasn't really in the conversation, so I was wondering why this man was with us. I kept thinking that I wasn't going to dance because I was getting sick.

Well we sat down and he made a comment about he could dance with both of us. I'm not 100%positive that's what he said cuz the music was soooo loud. I then decided I am definetly not dancing with this man. He got up and said to my friend "well, should we go dance?" My friend was shocked and felt very uncomfortable but she got up and then said to me "are you going to come?" I told them I wasn't feeling well and I sat. I then had to go to the bathroom and by the time I came out a lot of people got off the dance floor including my friend and the man. Right afterward she asked me if I was feeling well. I said I was ok. Few minutes later she asked again, and I got the hint that she wanted to go. So I said I wasn't, and we left but the man said he was going to leave too.

Later on my friend was upset at me b/c I didn't dance with them. I told her that I wasn't feeling well and that I had made up in my mind that I wasn't going to dance with that man.

So... my question is do you think it was my responsiblity to get her out of this situtaion?

My friend seems to get into these situations and she depends on me or other people to help her get out of it. My thinking is that she could have said no to the man when he asked to go dance. I was also thinking maybe this man was too nice to ditch us when he got to the club, so he felt like he had to dance with us one song.

Anyway, my friend was upset at me for not bailing her out, but I asked her why she kept encouraging the situation? I told her it's not a big deal that they danced. It's not like she had sex with the man.

Am I a bad friend?

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Old 10-27-2006, 06:35 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: kent
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brook65 HB User
Re: Friend irritated at me about situation

No you are not a bad freind.

She is obviously the chatty, more social type, whereas I am assuming you are the quiter one.

I would say that when he mentioned that his wife had died recently etc, your freind should of stopped the over zealous chit chat with him, as he obvioulsy took it as 'I'm in here'.

I would say she encouraged him, so it is up to her to get herself out of that situation.

You should be the one irritated here, as you could say that she left you sitting alone, and why on earth would she think that you might want to dance with an old man? you were with her, not her and him.

Perhaps she should think twice about being over freindly with people she doesn't know.

Don't let her manipulate you. good luck

Last edited by brook65; 10-27-2006 at 06:36 PM.

Old 10-27-2006, 07:03 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 93
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Re: Friend irritated at me about situation

I forgot to mention that later that night when we were talking about the situation, she admited that she let her "guard down" and hence this happened to her. But the next day I could feel the tenion between us. I was feeling alittle too sick and tired (literally) to talk about it, but do you think I should ask if she's still upset at me? We do this often (bounce our feeling off each other), or should I just drop it?

I don't want any bitter feelings between each other, I want things cleared up for my peace of mind.

I would be willing to aplogize if I felt like I was being mean or a bad friend. I don't think I was- but then I can be quite stuborn and a bit hard headed and callous-you could say.

Yes, she is more talkative than me, and sometimes she says things to strangers assuming they know what she's talking about but they don't. She the type of person that would say something to the affect of "no I'm not carrying any weapons in my luggage" to the security person at the airport. Sometimes I have to say "would you just shut up! You're going to get us in trouble!" She always has her foot in her mouth.

Old 10-29-2006, 04:37 AM   #4
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Location: kent
Posts: 1,435
brook65 HB User
Re: Friend irritated at me about situation

Hi I certainly don't think you should apologise for not wanting to dance. Thats like saying she should apologise for choosing to dance.

She is being childish here, assuming this is the reason she is being funny with you?

Why don't you ask her, maybe she is simply annoyed at herself, embarrassed, whatever, but she has no reason to take that out on you.

I have had freinds like that in the past, who can be louder than me, and crack jokes and draw attention needlessly, and sometimes I have wanted to cringe in embarrassment.

Maybe she thinks you are a party poupper because you didn't dance with him and her, but she has to understand that two women dancing with an old man, is not your idea of having a good time.

Perhaps you could ask her if everthing is ok with you both, but don't mention the dance incident, let her mention it, if that is what is the problem.

As freinds you should be able to discuss any misunderstandings.

Good luck

Last edited by brook65; 10-29-2006 at 04:40 AM.

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