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  • I need help dealing with ex & his new wife!!!

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    Old 11-06-2006, 05:14 PM   #1
    sammi24
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    I need help dealing with ex & his new wife!!!

    Can anyone please tell how to deal with all the junk that goes along with divorce and remarrying? I've been divorced for over 2 years. We use to be able to talk about our kids ( 6 & 12 years old) with each other. As soon as he started dating his new wife, he's stopped discussing issues with the kids with me and wants me to discuss them with his then girlfriend and now wife. I told him that I will not talk to her and that she should not call me anymore. Yes she calls and leaves stupid messages for me. She returns all my messages made to my ex. He has even gone as far as saying " She has just as much rights to my kids, as I do." I can't seem to get him to understand why I think it should be between him and I when it comes to OUR kids. My boyfriend doesn't even get involved in that, its not his place. My ex has a step mom and doesn't recognize her as that to him its his dad's wife, so why is acting like his new wife is a step mom and needs to know everything??? doesn't make sense to me. Can anyone explain this? Is it me? Keep in mind this is only and little bit of what's taken place in the past 2 years. Please any advice would be great. Thanks!!!!!!!

     
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    Old 11-06-2006, 06:34 PM   #2
    soon2bmommy
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    Re: I need help dealing with ex & his new wife!!!

    Maybe his view is, this is my new wife, the woman I love, I want her involved in my childrens life.

    Maybe he feels he is respecting her by not talking to "the ex" and letting her do everything? Maybe they have had fights over the fact that he was talking to you all the time (whether or not it involved talking about your children).

    I grew up with my parents the way you are describing your ex husband and yourself. I'm saying this assuming you don't know your exes new personal life with his wife, but maybe he hopes his children will have a different attitude towards their step mom than he did when he was growing up. That's what she is, their step mom.

    My mother finally got the point that my father wanted nothing more to do with her, and she just plain stopped attempting to talk to my father about us unless he made the attempt first. I guess that would be alot easier if you have custody.
    Maybe just stop contact all together until he decides it's necesary to talk. Atleast that would save you the grief. And then, when that day comes, ask him to respect you the way you are respecting his new relationship. Respect that you are the mother.

     
    Old 11-07-2006, 03:21 PM   #3
    soon2bmommy
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    Re: I need help dealing with ex & his new wife!!!

    Bumping so you can read this. I noticed you posted it a few times.

     
    Old 11-07-2006, 08:34 PM   #4
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    Re: I need help dealing with ex & his new wife!!!

    Isn't she their stepmother, though? Why wouldn't she be? She married their father.

    These kids are still young enough that there are a lot of years of this animosity ahead for them. This can't be good. I'm not sure that refusing to speak to this woman is the best idea. I would be concerned that she is the one contacting you EVERY time, but is once in a while a big problem? Maybe you should tell your husband that the decisions concerning the kids should be discussed by all the adults, not just his new wife and you.

    You say that a lot has gone on in the past two years. Is it possible to wipe the slate clean, in your own mind, and move forward? Do the kids like your ex's new wife? Is it hurting them to have her more involved in their lives? These are the questions that should determine what role this woman should play, as opposed to basing it on whether or not you want her calling you. What's best for your kids?

     
    Old 11-08-2006, 04:25 AM   #5
    amy2705
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    Re: I need help dealing with ex & his new wife!!!

    Obviously you have to have some contact with your ex's new wife and she'll be involved in decisions about your kids - but that involvement should really be behind the scenes (i.e. your ex-husband is free to talk things over with her if he wants). But I agree with you that HE is the parent, not her. I understand & agree that when it comes to the kids, you'd rather discuss them with him than with his new wife (who is actually a stranger to you). I wouldn't want to discuss my kids with the random woman my ex happened to marry either. I say be friendly with her and acknowledge that she has some role in the kids' lives, but be clear that when it comes to decisions about the kids you want to speak with their dad. Who knows why your ex wants you to speak with his wife. Could you simply ask him? Perhaps explain to him that while you understand that she will have a role in the kids' lives and hopefully a friendly relationship with them that you're not comfortable discussing them with her given that YOU don't have a relationship with her. After all, you had kids with him, not her! You chose to be a parent with him, not her. And they are his kids, not hers. I don't think you should be forced to co-parent with a person you didn't choose and don't even know. Her involvement, like I said, should be at her house when the kids are there. It'a a bit ridiculous, IMHO, that your ex has opted out of being a co-parent and sent in a replacement. Yes, his marriage with you ended, but being a co-parent with you didn't.

     
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