my wife's questionable behavior is making me very suspicious

11-07-2006, 09:33 AM

ok heres the situation my wife and i have been going through alot. during the past 3 mnths i have had about 12 family members die whom i was close to at some point or another and she has had a few family members pass but our problems just developed into big monsters we are both currently in counseling seperatly though and i think tht she is cheating b/c of her habits and things tht she does. we both do not deal with death very well and constantly take things out on each other. but she does things like say tht she is leaving out to go get something and be gone for 6-8 hrs at a time and then whn she gets home and i ask where shes been she will say she was hanging out at her girlfriends house and smoking weed (nothing wrng with tht) but on two seperate occasions she took extremely long for just supposed to going to the store to get something and her excuse was on both times tht her girlfriend got a flat tire and she stayed with her b/c it was late at night i suggested tht she tell her girlfriend to get some fix a flat the firstime it happened b/c it only take about 15min to fix ur tire wth tht stuff i've used it. but whn it happened again it made me suspicious. ok and one time she stayed out untill 1pm the next day and we have not had sex for a very long time now b4 my b-day in august it was about 4mnths and now since then it been about 3mnths. now hers is where my queston is i have recently setup an email accnt where i am posing as someone else who is trying to hook up with her and she has responded to my email very questionably wel here it is i will post the one i sent to her and the one she sent back to me hers is the email tht i sent to her first "HEY THIS IS ME MAURICE FROM THE INSTANT MESSAGE AND EMAIL I SENT YOU I HAVE NOT HEARD ANY RESPONSE FROM YOU YET. MY SCHEDULE IS VERY BUSY AND I WOULD WANT TO GET A CHANCE TO MEET YOU MAYBE OVER LUNCH OR DINNER SOMETIME. RESPOND BACK TO ME SO THAT I CAN CLEAR MY SCHEDULE MAYBE EVEN SETUP A WEEKEND GETAWAY" and ........... now here is her response "i really dont know who this is and im sorry but i didnt get any emails from you where do i know you from? please let me know, i check my emails frequently so ill respond in a timely manner!!!!!" ........... i really don't know what to think here b/c her response should have been no i am taken right??? or am i overreacting somthing which i do alot of. please help oh and i knw wht i did was wrng but i hate not knowing. my two worst fears are rejection and mis-information or not knowing about everything tht is going on around me.

please seriously help me as many people as possible i am going crazy over here

11-07-2006, 09:52 AM

I don't think her response indicates cheating. I think I would react in the same way if I got an email like that, and I would do so without any intentions of cheating. Seriously, I would just be wondering who this guy is. I don't have a profile anywhere online so I would wonder how and why he has my email address. Perhaps it is someone from my past, someone I talked to and dodn't remember -- but I would be curious to find out who. I think her response may indicate that she has been talking to various people online and may not remember every conversation, but that is just a guess. Really, you can't tell from her response. But just because she didn't say she is taken, well, that doesn't say much to me. Would her email address (and maybe profile) be available somewhere that people who don't know her could contact her? If not, then your email would be very confusing to her. She will be thinking how in the world did this person get my email and why.

As far as the rest of the info you've given, I don't think you have enough to really think she's cheating. But, two flat tires from her girlfriend is very suspicious to me and also that she stayed out over night. Perhaps she's lying for another reason, not just because of an affair.

I do think there is reason to be suspicious here, but I don't think you have enough to confront her. That could cause more problems, especially if she's not cheating. I think you need to talk to her about your marriage problems first (such as the fact you're not having sex) and try to see if there is a way to solve them and if she is even willing to work on it.

11-07-2006, 12:35 PM

you r so right i really don't have anything to confront her with right now and as for the sex i have tried to talk to her about this and each time i bring it up which has really been only about 3 time within the past year we get into these fallout arguments which lets me know tht it is on her mind as well but wht aspect of it. and one time in an argument she tld me each time she looks at me whn we are having sex she sees the face of her cousin tht used to rape and molest her and tht way he used to do it was o sick he used to have sex with her while she was sleep from behind and tht happens to be the way tht we sleep and i am erect at nite and i sleep inside of her or at least part way inside of her and she used to tell me tht she enjoyed it and now i don't know wht to do b/c now i think just looking at her in a sexual way will bring back the memories for her and i dont want to be the cause of tht so i have completely sexually withdrwan myself from her and i dont want to mention it to her b/c i don't want to hurt her but i am so hurt to

11-07-2006, 07:32 PM

I think you both need some counseling. Her especially to deal with what happened to her and then both of you for marriage counseling.

And another thing... That fix a flat stuff is really, really bad to use for your tire if it gets flat. It causes a lot more problems than it solves. It's better to put on the spare and get the flat tire to a tire place to be repaired. My ex boyfriend was a mechanic and he would always tell people about how bad fix a flat was. He wasn't good for much except fixing my car because that's his only redeeming quality - the fact that he knows how to fix car problems. Other than that, there's not much else good I can say about him.

Anyway, back to your problem...I don't think you have enough proof to confront her. But you can always approach the situation to show her you are concerned about her feelings and want to help her feel better. She really needs to get some counseling, because I'll bet she never truly dealt with the rape in a constructive way to help herself heal. If she did, she wouldn't be feeling this way now.

11-08-2006, 10:56 AM

LOL tht was funny about your ex but we are both currently getting help and i have began to act more like her husband and not like her roomate i had stopped alot of things touching holding talking the way i look at her and i have to do those things in order to make a difference b/c its not all her fault

11-08-2006, 11:54 AM

I don't think there is a problem with being skeptical or suspiscous. I think it's important to not be caught unaware of things going on. The issue is to do it in such a way as to not violate her privacy. The email thing isn't that good of a solution. I could very well wonder the same if a stranger sent me an email and it might backfire on you and make her suspiscous.

One thing to note is from your other thread you mention she didn't have the problem when you met originally as far as seeing her cousins face. This struck out to me as a possibility of alarm.

Couple things. When she doesn't come home do you call her? When she says she was at a friends house do you call her there? Can her friend collaborate her story. Is it the same friend? Can you check the phone records and see if she is calling anyone? If she is cheating then you should be able to pick up on it just by paying closer attention. Don't let it consume you though because it's always possible she isn't but don't be foolish and assume you are wrong about your concerns.

11-13-2006, 02:35 PM

i have checked the phone records and there are no numbers other than my own a thoushad times and the same group of friends that she always calls. i have always been extremely suspicious of my counterpart past or present. but she did happen to ask the person that i am posing as in the email for a pic and tht really ****** me off so i just cut to the chase and askd her if she was single and if so would be able to meet up for lunch. she also never wants to talk to me about her problems with me and 5 min later she is on the phone with her girlfriends talking about the same thing that she would not talk to me about. and yes i have called her while she was out and i don't converse with any of her girlfriends at all b/c she is afraid tht they may hit on me. so i can't really collaborate her story but she consistantly stays out for hours at a time like she doesn't want to be home with me i guess that hurts more than anything the fact that she doesn't want to be around me so i may be making all this stuff up in my head to try to cope with the rejection

11-14-2006, 05:47 AM

I assume you aren't welcome to go with her when she leaves? I have to say that if she goes out for hours often without any explanation that I would have a problem with that if it was my wife. Frankly, I wouldn't put up with it. If she is truly trying to avoid you that is a problem. Take her out somewhere, just the two of you. Do that a few times each month if not once a week and see her reaction. If she keeps rejecting the offer or makes excuses then you need to confront her about it. Only you can tell if you are being too self conscious or if there is really something to it.

11-15-2006, 11:23 AM

My fake guy on the internet that i made up to try to hit on my wife via email and IM fell through and she turned him down grant the conversing went on a little bit longer than i would have wanted but she still said the magic words i wanted to hear her say "no i am not single, thank you very much" it made me do a little touchdown jig. simply b/c she turned him down. and last nite we spent the entire nite in each others arms in the bed it felt good. my suspicions will never compleyely go away b/c of her late nite trips with her friends but i will sometimes stay out for hours at a time with my boys especially if we dicide to hit the booby bar so i gues i can try to be a little more understanding when it comes to time with her friends. i was so worried tht she would fall into my trap and actually begin to talk to this guy. but i am glad that it happened b/c it showed me that she has the capacity to say that she is not single, which translates into her not being ashamed of being with me or not being happy with b/c if she was she would be gone right? but anyways i am feeling some relief for the time being

11-15-2006, 12:33 PM

Good to hear.

my wife's questionable behavior is making me very suspicious

Sign Up Today!

Join Our Newsletter

Whoops,

Thank You