It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 11-23-2006, 01:15 PM   #31
    808Lion
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    808Lion's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2006
    Posts: 241
    808Lion HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    even if his best mate was convinced you're no good for him and decided to try to speak against you and try to get your boyfriend to dump you?...
    __________________
    rust never sleeps...

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 11-23-2006, 01:47 PM   #32
    _mystiger_
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    _mystiger_'s Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2005
    Posts: 995
    _mystiger_ HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    Shorti - She doesn't think that at all hun. She is saying she has encouraged her boyfriend to hang out with his friends and she has no problem at all with him hanging out with his friends but she does have a problem with his best friend and rightly so from what I've heard.

    WhiteSlopes -


    I think you need to decide what you want to do hun. He does sound very manipulative to me. I am extra wary myself of people like this and involving myself in similar situations because I've came across several guys who are like this. I can see where Brad's best friend is coming from but I also sincerly understand where you're coming from and how much this is hurting you.

    You love your boyfriend and because you love him so much then you need to make a decision. Well 2 decisions. One to call it a day and secondly to make friends as best as you can with Brads friends and hope for the best. Whatever you decide its going to be one of them situations where you need to give and take a little either way.

     
    Old 11-23-2006, 06:29 PM   #33
    galinaqt
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    galinaqt's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2005
    Posts: 1,787
    galinaqt HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    I think since this person is your enemy Brad should choose between two of you.

     
    Old 11-23-2006, 07:47 PM   #34
    GypsyArcher
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    GypsyArcher's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: USA
    Posts: 1,418
    GypsyArcher HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    I kind of agree that someone who has been your best friend for almost a decade should take precedence over someone you've been dating for a little over a year...sorry. Obviously your boyfriend and his friend have a really close bond, or whatever else it is that they have. The friend is clearly territorial. So it sucks big time that you walked right into a situation like this. But maybe the best thing to do is move on.
    __________________
    The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

     
    Old 11-24-2006, 08:16 AM   #35
    tnmomofive
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    tnmomofive's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 2,101
    tnmomofive HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    I don't know but it seems odd to me.I have ran into a simular situation years ago with my now husband.He had this friend who he hadn't seen or talked to in several years.This friend was in his 30's had however many girlfriend's and still lived at home with his parents.He was very rude,obnoxious,and sneaky.It was clear though with this friend he wanted my then b/f (and father of my child) to be running around and playing games with women just like himself.Sounds like your sitiuation is different but I just do not get it if your man is happy with you then why would his friend act in such a way as he has been.I don't know I have not alway's liked the men my friend's chose to be with but as long as my friend was happy I tried to get along.

     
    Old 11-26-2006, 07:40 PM   #36
    Laylah
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2006
    Location: Ireland
    Posts: 1,634
    Laylah HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    I think what's going on here is pretty clear to see Whiteslopes. This idiot is eaten up with jealousy because his friend has a new interest in his life that takes the spotlight off him. Of course you should be of primary importance; it's not like your some woman your man met last weekend in a nightclub, you're his partner - end of story.

    The fact that he'd write you letters behind his friends back in the first place is indeed creepy, as somebody else pointed out, and beyond that, I believe in the content of his last letter he showed his true colours in the final paragraph where he said this:

    "However, if there are issues on either side based on someone else's past behavior, or based on something out of Glamour or Men's Health magazine having to do with the opposite sex, perhaps we can try not to put one another in that mold and make assumptions that aren't real"

    I think you should bear in mind that he knows anything that he commits to paper is something you could turn around and show your boyfriend at any time. I feel the original letter he sent you was more for your boyfriends benefit than yours. I think this man is sly, obnoxious, controlling and eaten alive with his own jealousy and I think you were right to give your man an ultimatum in the circumstances. If it were me I'd have done the same thing, only I'd have done it eight months ago when all this BS started.

    Let us know how you get on. I'd be interested to know how this situation unfolds. Just remember, if he chooses the likes of this fool over you, you're well bloody rid of him!

     
    Old 11-27-2006, 08:53 AM   #37
    whiteslopes
    Member
    (female)
     
    whiteslopes's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Posts: 64
    whiteslopes HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    Thank you all for your support. I'm working through this with the best advice.

    At this point I believe his friend has bad intentions and is trying to use his friendship to urge my boyfriend to discontinue our relationship. I think this because of all of the times I tried to make amends with this person in a variety of ways and he somehow tried to use these times against me as reason that he didnít like me, or to take badly about me to my boyfriend.

    I talked to my brother in law and he gave me another piece of advice: since this friendship is long term, this will be a very hard decision for my boyfriend, I must back off and allow him to think things over while preserving myself and thinking about what I truly want.

    Being the holidays and all, we kept our plans that we had before all of this happened. (I don't want to feel depressed or attract attention with my family.) We went out with another one of his friend on Wednesday (a really nice longer term friend of over 10 years). On a side note all these guys came up and hit on me when we were out LOL. hey, I guess that helps, right?

    He also came over for thanksgiving at my family's house which went ok. I also spent alot of alone time just relaxing without him.

    After talking he told me that what he said about having no future together was out of anger, he reassured me that he would like a future together, he loves me very much.

    I've decided that while we can see each other, I no longer want to be intimate with him or see him as much as he works through these issues. This would give him more space while giving me the peace of mind that I'm not just being used/ while slowly being weaned off of him. (I don't want to be intimate and continue to feel closer to him if he ultimately decides to have friendship with his friend over me.)

    On further note, I truly think that he is struggling with processing the information that his friend is being manipulative (of course, since they were friends so long, and who does these kinds of things anyway?)
    Either he'll come out of this realizing that his friend has a character flaw when it comes to him having a girlfriend, or he'll have to learn this lesson with the next woman in his life, or never. In this case, he'll have a very lonely life, with the exception of his one best friend.

    I'm feeling bad, but not guilty. I truly tried everything to make amends with this person while preserving my dignity and keeping their friendship. I think this is just one of those people that are not respectful of women or just warped. not sure.

    At this point, if he decides he wants a relationship with me over his friend, I will love him and take care of him, but I will have to work through my personal insecurities after all of this mess. However, I'll do it with no problem. True love (if this is true love) is worth it.

     
    Old 11-27-2006, 12:11 PM   #38
    Laylah
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2006
    Location: Ireland
    Posts: 1,634
    Laylah HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    One thing I'm curious about Whiteslopes, and it isnt anything I came across on this thread; what about this mans behavioral history with your boyfriends past girlfriends? How has he behaved towards his girlfriends in the past? Maybe that isnt something you'd readily get out of your boyfriend and you certainly wouldnt get it out of his friend, but is there anyone else you could ask about that? Perhaps there is some sort of a pattern there that you could point out to your boyfriend? (not that you'd ought to need to, in my opinion, if it does exist)

     
    Old 11-27-2006, 01:35 PM   #39
    whiteslopes
    Member
    (female)
     
    whiteslopes's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Posts: 64
    whiteslopes HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    Laylah-

    Good point. Actually, I was very interested in past behavior and sadly enough did get this out of him a long time ago.

    He prioritized friends over at least two of his past girlfriends. From what I understand these were some serious issues too. The last girlfriend that he broke up with said to him "you know, I always knew there was something weird about you, you have weird friends." However, it's also notable that he was cheated on by girls early on, so he could've been in the mindset of "well, you can't trust girls, so stick with the brotherhood" or something stupid like that. LOL. you know, if anyone stuck with the brotherhood as comfort, something tells me that nothing would be clean or eatible ever.....LOL.. sorry men in my experience don't take care of themselves/eat right/ clean stuff.... though there is alot of exceptions.

    Anyways,
    After that he was single for 8 years, spending most if not all of his time with the friend in question.. on the couch, gaining weight, drinking beer.

    He got sick of this lifestyle and lost the weight and re-gained a life.. though his friend still remained.

    Last edited by whiteslopes; 11-27-2006 at 01:39 PM.

     
    Old 11-27-2006, 03:02 PM   #40
    Laylah
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Nov 2006
    Location: Ireland
    Posts: 1,634
    Laylah HB User
    Re: I believe his friend has been rude, here's his letter, please advise

    Hmmm.. He hasnt done enough reinventing himself in my opinion, if this idiot is still around.

    I think the next time you are discussing things with your bf you should just put it to him gently; say something like "I dont know what's gone on in the past because obviously I wasnt around to see it, but maybe you need to ask yourself is there a pattern here? Has your friend has issues with you forming intimacies with other women before?"

    Dont go on the attack, just gently put the question in his head and let him answer it for himself. Men respond much better when they think they've worked things out for themselves, trust me on that one!

    There is just a hope here that, with some gentle nudging in the right direction, he may come to some conclusions about this friend of his, which he may not actually like.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    What's a Friend to Do? goody2shuz Relationship Health 221 03-13-2005 01:21 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:07 AM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!