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Old 11-26-2006, 08:38 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: vancouver
Posts: 501
jo5086 HB User
Need Advice

i am in a life predicament and don't know who to talk to or what to do, and although it doesn't really have anything to do with relationships, i figured i can get some good advice here and brainstorm enough to maybe get some ideas.

i am at a crossroads in my life and i want to decide what to do because i am in a transition period and want to get out.

i have a degree in psychology and a full time job in elite property insurance. for almost a year after i graudated, i looked for a job in my field but found out that you cannot do anything with a BA in psych in Canada - not even get very good volunteer positions (for the ones i was interested in, you need to be 25 years old and/or have set hours which i couldn't do b/c i was in retail and couldn't make set hours, or i would lose shifts and not have money to pay rent). i worked for a bit in the travel industry but did not make enough/month to pay my rent/food (let alone any expenses on top of that) for one the month and so, naturally, i was in debt. to top it off, i was 22 and not highly responsible with money at that point, so up went my debt. i had to get three jobs and worked 90 hrs/week and went to school part-time to get under control. i did this for 7 months.

anyway, soon after i got the job in insurance and it pays well and has good perks. i was able to quit a job. i went on a budget, and am currently paying back student loans, my debt, and a highly expensive rent - but i literally live paycheck to paycheck and have an empty fridge many days out of the month. i stopped going to bars and don't go shopping, and don't have luxuries (like haircuts, fruit,etc). but i'm doing it. i work 60 hrs/week and take two courses.

however, i feel like i never get a break. all 4 of my best friends i grew up with have got their lives worked out well and are in a career path they have passion for; two do entertainment things on the side (modeling) and i am so happy for them, but they literally were called out of nowhere to do it. they call me with the happy news and i am worried about how i am going to feed myself next week.

my best friends moved to the states a few months ago (with a BA in psych) and within 2 days was hired as a case manager. its crappy income, but shes doing what she wants and her boyfriend makes really good money so that softens the blow. she told me before she left, she didn't want to stay here and get a job in insurance like i had to. she made me feel guilty that i sold out of my psych plans, but i couldn't afford not to (I don't have a work visa for the states, plus i couldn't live there with that income w/o monetary supprt plus the only family i have is here and they would kill me if i left for a crappy job like that...they are not really into humanitarian work. my best friend has family all over the states and are super supportive of her doing what she wants).

anyway, so my dilemma now is:

a) go on to get my psychology masters in september, which means i will have to move back to my parents to finish paying off my debt before i go. this means i will be moving back to a suburban town i haven't lived in for 6 years, i can't drive so i will be literally dependant on my other family members to get out of the house. i will have to commute to work, i won't have my own space, and my parents are very traditional and conservative, so i feel i will be stifled and get depressed easily if i move back. and going to school in september means living a student life again, and i haven't even gotten out of it totally yet. all the friends i still have in school advise me to take time off. my parents don't support the field of psych i want to get into.

b) if i stay here, i can do a 2 year nutrition course (part-time so i can still work full time) in september that i know i wouldn't do if i did my psych course first because i would go further into psych for my PhD. i may also be able to get some art shows in as well, and hopefully sell some work (i'm a painter). BUT that means i would still be in insurance, something that is not what i want to do forever and it means i will have to buy a condo b/c the monthly rent i pay is equal to a mortgage, and its a waste. now to buy a condo, i would have to borrow money from the parents for a down payment, which sets me in more debt and ties me to this city. if i get really used to and comfortable with the money/perks at my job, i am scared i will stay there forever. i am catching myself beginning to think its an okay career choice. thats scary.
and if i borrow the money, i have to lie to my parents and say i want to stay in insuance (their primary reason for not giving me anything so far is that i am unstable and haven't decided what i really want), and i am unsure if i should do that (i know for sure condos in my city are easy to sell because they can't build anymore, so if i move for school, i'm sure i can sell it fine). if i ask for money for a downpayment and tell them i'm going to school in a couple of years, i know they will say no.

anyway....i don't know what to do at all....i am lost. like i said, i have no one to talk to. my best friend moved and hasn't stayed in touch well, my parents, obviously i can't talk to them, i don't want to tell my coworkers whom i've come close to b/c i would never want any of this to leak at work, i got rid of a bunch of toxic friends in my life this year, its a big burden to other friends (who say do what i think is right, but i need a little more right now).....

i just am in need of advice, i really feel alone and confused.
thank you in advance

Last edited by jo5086; 11-26-2006 at 08:43 PM.

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Old 11-27-2006, 08:17 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 1,351
jen52983 HB User
Re: Need Advice

Welcome to my life!

I'm in debt, as is the rest of world! I also question if I am in the right feild/job.

If psych is your passion, then I say take the step back (living with your parents) in order to take the big leap later.

You don't want to get stuck in a job you hate. You'll be miserable alot longer doing that, then you will be living with your folks. Living with your parents will probably help motivate you to get through the rest of your schooling as soon as possible.

I defintely vote for making the sacrafice now in order to better your life later. You'll be happy, as well as more financially stable. Psychology seems to be a well paying feild if you find the right job, and in order to find the right job, you need the education.

Good luck with whichever you decide!

Old 11-27-2006, 08:40 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,195
happymom28 HB User
Re: Need Advice

All of the questions you ask can really only be answered by one person, you. I will, however, try to give you a couple of things to think about.

1) As hard as it is, do not compare yourself to your friends. You will see, especially as you get older, that things are not always as they seem. I grew up with so many friends that I thought had it easier than me. I wouldn't switch places with any of them now, but 5 years ago I would have not knowing all the details of there struggles.

2) You need to decide where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years. What do you see yourself doing (regardless of what degree or education you have at this moment). Where do you want to be? Make a list and then decide what is the best path to get there. You may find that is nothing you even considered.

3) I agree with the other poster that if you need to make sacrifices to get what you want then do it now while your young. It may very well stink being at your parents for a while, but well worth it in the long run. A couple of years is really nothing although at your age it does seem like a lifetime.

Good luck with whatever you choose. Remember, you are the only person who can control your happiness so take some time to really weigh out your options. That way, no matter what you decide you know that in the end it is what you really want to do.

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