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    Old 12-18-2006, 10:32 AM   #1
    mymusiclife
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    girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    my girlfriend cheated on me about 3 months ago..we patched things up, but for some reason i still feel she's still doing it. she tells me no...and I believe her but I just dont know..We also got tested for hiv(negative) but i'm afraid to get intimate with her now. I sometimes feel like breaking up but feel that i need her..(need advice) maybe i think i cant find someone else????? thnxs

     
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    Old 12-18-2006, 11:03 AM   #2
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    I believe cheating on someone is one of the worst things one person can do to another. It's not something that should be forgiven easily, if at all. Once that kind of trust has been broken it is incredibly difficult to fix. Of course you're not sure if she's being honest with you, and I feel that's justified. She did it before, what would stop her from doing it again? I'm sure that's a question that's gone through your head. She can't blame you for being sceptical.

    It's also very understandable that you'd have a hard time being intimate with her. I think it goes deeper than your fear of an STD. I think you're still very hurt by what she's done to you.

    I think the only solution here is to keep an open and honest relationship. Even couples counseling can help you both deal with her betrayal and to move forward.

    I don't know the details of your relationship so I don't want to suggest breaking up with her. Maybe she does feel incredible guilty about it, and hates part of herself for it. If she's willing to do anything and everything to make things better between you two.. then at least try. If she seems neutral on the top, or not regretful... then maybe she isn't worth it.

    Sorry if I seem so negative in this post. I just know what it feels like to be cheated on.. and unfortunately it's something that still effects me and my current relationship.

    Good luck.

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 11:42 AM   #3
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mymusiclife
    she tells me no...and I believe her but I just dont know..
    It sounds to me like you really don't believe her, and understandably so. When someone cheats on you, it's extremely hard to be able to get to the point where you really trust them again. It does sound like you are trying to trust and believe in your girlfriend again.

    I agree with Jen- cheating on the person you are supposed to be in a commited relationship with is a horrible thing to do. My first and EX husband cheated on me and like I said, he is now my EX. Yeah, I did forgive him, but only after I left him. Sorry, but I just couldn't trust him ever again. Granted, there were other issues with abuse and such, but that is totally off subject.

    Either way, only you know what you can and can't accept, but in my opinion, if I can't trust someone and know in my heart that they are 100% faithful to me, then I can not be in a relationship with them- period.

    I think it's great that you are trying to move past her betrayal and are trying to make this work. I know I wouldn't be able to. Is your girlfriend doing everything in her power to make it up to you, or is she still doing things that make you not really trust her when she tells you she isn't cheating? I also have to ask how you found out she cheated? Did she come clean because of guilt, or was she caught by you or someone else? I mean, if she came to you herself and came clean, then maybe she really is truly sorry for betraying you and realized what she did was wrong and she wants to make a clean start and regain your trust?

    Please keep us posted...Take care.

    Last edited by ozzybug; 12-18-2006 at 11:43 AM.

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 12:18 PM   #4
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    thank you.. she didnt call me one day, all day, so i went to her house around 11pm..the door was locked, she came down and looked scared...i pretty much had to push it out of her and she confessed..she is trying to make me trust her..but even now and then you get those unfamiliar # on her house phone...one time it was her ex...who just got out of jail!! jail??? Maybe i'm just afraid to be alone??

    Last edited by mymusiclife; 12-18-2006 at 12:24 PM.

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 12:42 PM   #5
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    [QUOTE= Maybe i'm just afraid to be alone??[/QUOTE]

    Trust me.. being alone is MUCH better than being second choice in a relationship. It's better to be "alone" then to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. Don't keep yourself in an empty relationship, you'll only end up married and miserable or divorced. Be happy with who you are first. Sounds very cliche but you really do need to like yourself before you can have a successfully happy relationship.

    Sounds like the situation is something she wouldn't have come clean about if you didn't happen to show up at the house. Sounds fishy. She didn't confess out of guilt.. she confessed because she got caught.

    Just watch out for yourself. Don't keep yourself involved with someone who isn't treating you how you deserve to be treated. Without trust there can't be love...

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 01:09 PM   #6
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    thnxs...thats really true. i hope i make the right choice.

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 04:23 PM   #7
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    I really have to give you credit for trying to make your relationship work. I have never been able to get past infidelity. My ex-husband's indescretions (sp?) still haunt my relationship with my husband today!

    I have to agree with Jen. It sounds like she only told you the truth because she got caught which would have me automatically wondering how many other times it happened. I hope she is working very hard to make this up to you and to get you to trust her again. But if she isn't, I would have to say she isn't worth it.

    Being single can be a wonderful thing. It is totally cliche to say you need to love yourself before you love someone else, but it works in your case. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve a woman who wouldn't betray you and your trust. Love yourself enough not to settle for whatever bs she is feeding you. Once you realize that you are worth more than you are getting right now you will find the right girl.

    Sorry if I am all "dump her", but in my past relationships I've never met a cheater who stopped cheating. Maybe I'm wrong about your girlfriend, I don't know. I just find the whole way you caught her very suspect!

     
    Old 12-18-2006, 04:32 PM   #8
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    I've had a couple of bf's cheat on me, and it's turned into a major dealbreaker for me. If I am with someone and they cheat, then that's it, it's over, they're gone. I don't tolerate that kind of behavior anymore. I realized that I deserve better than to ever be with someone who would do something so hurtful and disloyal.

    And guess what? You deserve better, too. I think it's really important for people to be a lot more swift with their decisions after someone cheats on them. People keep letting it slide and think it won't happen again. But from my past experience, I can tell you that a cheater will never change. They can't, they're stupid. So I personally think you're wasting your time with this one. Dump her now because she's seriously not worth your time.

    And if this ever happens again (which I really hope it doesn't for you), then you need to ditch the person immediately. You can't stay in that relationship because cheaters don't deserve to be in relationships with people who stay loyal to them. They just don't deserve such nice people to date them. They deserve someone who will cheat right back on them. But we're better people, so we would rather break up with them than sink to their pond scum level and do that to them. We're the better people, that's why.

     
    Old 12-19-2006, 08:09 AM   #9
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    Re: girlfriend cheating? hiv?

    I think you know what you need to do, and what the "right" thing is. But your fear is holding you back. You need to put your fear aside and realize that you would be MUCH better off without this person in your life. This situation also comes down to respecting yourself. You're not if you stay with someone you know is treating you bad. People do things because they can get away with it. You deserve better than that. Realize it.

    Good luck.

     
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