It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • He doesnt want me to stop drinking

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 01-09-2007, 04:44 PM   #1
    stay2gether
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    stay2gether's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 179
    stay2gether HB User
    He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    Hi I really want to be teetotal as alcohol makes me ill and Im fed up of it. In the past iv used drugs quite alot and drank alot too and now Im just fed up of it. I want to have a healthy life without the need for drink and drugs.
    My husband is glad I have stopped drugs completely as he hates them which is a good thing!! But he maons and complains when I refuse to go on drunken binges with him as he likes his drink very much. If i dont want to he accuses me of being boring now and says that I am not the person he married, how I used to be fun and exciting but now I am just boring. But I really cant do it anymore I feel that Iv wasted so much of my life doing that and im past it all, i find that boring now. He says that he would be hapy if I just had a few glasses of wine with him and didnt get drunk but I cant only have a few it always leads on to more and causes me depression, so I think its just best if i stop altoghter but he is very unhappy about this. What should I do?

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 01-09-2007, 05:04 PM   #2
    Jane680
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    Jane680's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2007
    Location: UK
    Posts: 46
    Jane680 HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    If you have always gone out and drunk lots together, he is probably worried that you will think less of him if he continues and you don't - most of us know how we let our hair down after a few!!

    Rather than talk about not drinking, can't you just do it? Go out with him and friends and just order a lime and soda or something instead of alcohol - or better still offer to drive everyone then they can't think there's a problem with you not drinking. I suppose the only danger here is, you will be stone cold sober and really not enjoy the company around you.

    Also, if you don't mind him drinking - let him know that you aren't trying to change him and that you don't have a problem with him enjoying himself.

    This type of thing is always a problem - I remember when I gave up smoking and my partner felt obliged to do so too. It ended up with him sneaking into the garage for a smoke and me feeling annoyed because I knew he had given up tying - it caused no end of arguments, but it was my decision initially - not his.

    At the end of the day it is your body and only you have the right to pump drugs, smoke or alcohol into it and you shouldn't feel guilty to do what you think is best for you - and your long-term life.

     
    Old 01-09-2007, 05:12 PM   #3
    galinaqt
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    galinaqt's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2005
    Posts: 1,787
    galinaqt HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    I would think that you should completely stop drinking if you think it affected your health. Health is the most pressures thing you have and nobody will need you without it as ruff as it sound. It is very insensitive of your husband to push you.
    My husband doesn't drink any alcohol due to health condition, we always buying sparkling juice or he drinks diet soda and I would never force him. I may have a glass of wine at guests that is all.
    You have to stand up to him.

     
    Old 01-09-2007, 06:23 PM   #4
    Kszan
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Posts: 5,246
    Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stay2gether
    alcohol makes me ill and Im fed up of it.

    My husband ...maons and complains when I refuse to go on drunken binges with him as he likes his drink very much. If i dont want to he accuses me of being boring now and says that I am not the person he married, how I used to be fun and exciting but now I am just boring.
    Ok, just wondering...does your husband love you at all? I mean does he care at all about your health and well-being? Because I don't think he does. I don't think he cares about you at all. If he did, he would encourage you to not drink anymore. Just because he wants to be an alcoholic doesn't mean he has to drag you down with him. Does he want you to die? Because you could well have developed a liver problem or something if you continued drinking.

    I think both of you need to attend Al-Anon or something. I don't see this turning out well at all, especially if you have no support for wanting to continue on this new healthy path of not drinking and not using drugs.

    Your husband sounds like a major jerk. I'd personally divorce him, but that's just me. If I was strong enough (as you are) to be able to quit drinking and using drugs only to have my own husband not support me in it, I'd leave him right then. My LIFE and my HEALTH mean more to me than my husband's thinking I'm boring.

     
    Old 01-10-2007, 07:18 AM   #5
    tnmomofive
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    tnmomofive's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 2,101
    tnmomofive HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    I pretty much agree with the last poster."Boring"..did the two of you never have fun together without alcohol involved?My husband and myself go drink ocassionaly and we have fun BUT we do not need booze to have fun together.The thing is you and your husband have a drinking problem.I think it is wonderful that you acknowledge alcohol is a problem for you and you want to stop.Obviously your husband is not ready (and may never be) to stop.I hope you will not allow that to influence you to keep on drinking.If it were me I would try and get myself and my husband to some AA meetings.If my husband refused I would still go for myself.I,like the last poster,have a hard time believeing your husband cares for you much if he is thinking of this as a bad thing.Maybe the two of you have never had fun together without alcohol? If that is the case that is too bad because then you really do not even know each other.I do not mean to sound all doom and gloom here as far as your relationship goes but if it were me and my husband refused to acknowledge his problem and get some help I would get help for myself and tell him to take a hike until he can do the same.

     
    Old 01-10-2007, 07:22 AM   #6
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    he's just worried that you will tell him to stop now.....if you keep drinking you have nothing to say about his drinking habits.

    he's looking out for his best interests.....not yours.

     
    Old 01-10-2007, 09:50 AM   #7
    Nina000
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Nina000's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2005
    Location: The UK
    Posts: 1,314
    Nina000 HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    It is up to him if he wants to destroy ONE life, his own, but you can at least prevent him from destroying TWO. Your life is your own and you make your own choices. Great decision, I admire your strenghth and please don't let him influence you to backtrack.
    To accuse you of being "boring"! What a loser! All of them say that so that they defend the sick and abnormal "excitement" of being drunk...which at best is followed by the depression during sobriety. And at worst, it can translate into violence, abuse, trouble, flirting... Is that the exciting life that you want? Let him enjoy it on his own, and you will definitely have a lot more to enjoy. I am sure that you will feel a LOT better, more attractive, etc once you quit. At least you will attract decent people with whom you can have mentally fulfiling conversations/time.
    Good luck

     
    Old 01-10-2007, 10:48 AM   #8
    minnesotagirl
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2006
    Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts: 745
    minnesotagirl HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    I can completely relate to your situation. I've had my fair share of drinking problems in relationships - both me and my sig. other and usually we're both to blame.

    This is why alcoholism can cause such a problem in relationships. You two feel in love as drinking buddies. And, you both enable each other to keep drinking.

    Quitting drinking, that's a HUGE, MAJOR change -- and yes you're right, it is a change that you'll have to make, otherwise you'll probably end up dying early.

    I'm not sure you'll be able to just go out to a bar with him and have fun and drink soda and lime without craving alcohol and eventually drinking again yourself.

    What you're going to have to do is find another way to entertain yourself. You need to set out goals and actions on what you'll do when faced with a situation in which you're tempted to drink.

    How committed are you to stop drinking? Are you committed enough to attend AA meetings? I think you're going to have to do that in order to quit yourself. I really, really think you should start a treatment program like that.

    The problem with your marriage is a common one amongst alcoholics and I'm sure you'll find a treatment counselor who can provide you with very sound and very knowledgeable advice.

    Wikth that being said, your husband is definately worried that if you quit drinking, he's going to have to quit, too, and he's not ready for that. A person needs to decide on their own if they're ready for change. This could strike a huge blow to your marriage. It is a major turning point in your life, as this is a major lifestyle change for you. But, I think it is the best and only option for you. You're no longer happy with the drinking. Are you going to be able to handle him being drunk while you're sober? It is very hard to do, with all the babysitting that is required.

    When does you husband plan on admitting he has a drinking problem -- ever? You need to sit down and discuss this with him. What has motivated you to stop drinking? While it probably won't change him, discuss those motivations with him. And seek professional advice on this.

    Good luck!

     
    Old 01-10-2007, 02:22 PM   #9
    stay2gether
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    stay2gether's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 179
    stay2gether HB User
    Re: He doesnt want me to stop drinking

    thanks for the replies. i think some of you may have got the wrong end of the stick tho. I am not addicted to drinking, it was only on weekends that I would do it and thats when I would end up in messy states, yes it was alot of fun at the time but now the hangovers are really bad, I dont feel backto normal for about 3 days and throw up alot during that time.I am 24 My husband however doesnt suffer from hangovers and does not understand the hell i go through in mine jst so that he can enjoy getting drunk with me. Over the last 5 monthes I have stopped drinking more or less altogether bar the odd weekend here and there but m husband has not. I dont have a problem with him still drinking and encourage him to go out with his friends but he is not happy to do that, he wants me with him getting drunk also. If I do go to a bar with him I will stick to my guns and drink soda while he will go through maybe 2 bottles of wine or drink pints. Then when hes drunk he will moan about how boring I am and how Im no fun to be around because im not drunk.
    I am 24 and he is 21 so Id never try to stop him having a good time, but Iv spent the last 8 years partying practically every weekend and im so over it buthe isnt. I think we are at different stages in our lives and im just not sure how to find a balance where were both happy.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    My wife doesnt love me anymore Tony B Relationship Health 17 11-24-2008 02:10 PM
    Once again, my girlfriend doesnt want to hang out with me outside of school. MrZeely Relationship Health 37 04-29-2006 11:25 AM
    I Want to Stop Drinking Daily WhyIsThisMyLife Addiction & Recovery 1 04-18-2005 07:47 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:46 PM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!