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    Old 01-11-2007, 04:15 PM   #1
    Diamond141
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    Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Hi, this is to the women who own a home, and their boyfriend moves in with them. How do you split the bills and housework? Remember, if you have a mortgage, would you expect your boyfriend to pay for 1/2 of everything, even if he's not on the deed? Or would he just pay you rent? Also, if it is a "renters" situation, how long before you would put him on the deed, if ever? I'm curious, since i'm in this situation, where boyfriend doesn't feel he should have to pay as much because "it's not his house". I had everything furnished also. Boyfriend is also a carpenter, but wants to get paid for any work he does on the house, because incase we break up he won't feel he got taken. (he lost everything in his divorce,,,so that's why he feels that way). Thanks for your replies...ive been struggling with this.

     
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    Old 01-11-2007, 04:39 PM   #2
    canadadiva
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    Smile Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Diamond141
    Hi, this is to the women who own a home, and their boyfriend moves in with them. How do you split the bills and housework? Remember, if you have a mortgage, would you expect your boyfriend to pay for 1/2 of everything, even if he's not on the deed? Or would he just pay you rent? Also, if it is a "renters" situation, how long before you would put him on the deed, if ever? I'm curious, since i'm in this situation, where boyfriend doesn't feel he should have to pay as much because "it's not his house". I had everything furnished also. Boyfriend is also a carpenter, but wants to get paid for any work he does on the house, because incase we break up he won't feel he got taken. (he lost everything in his divorce,,,so that's why he feels that way). Thanks for your replies...ive been struggling with this.
    Hi,

    I own my own place and if my boyfriend were to move in, I would visit a lawyer first. I don't know where you live, but beware that there are laws for living comon law, and if things don't work out with you guys, he could try taking your home from you or a percentage of what it is worth. Check out the laws in your area. You need to protect yourself. I would definately expect him to pay "rent", why should he live off you for free? Thats called being a freeloader. If he does carpentry work on the house, that cost could be subtracted from his rent.

    If I were living with my boyfriend, I would not put him on the deed. Why would you do that? That entitles him to getting half the value of your place if you break up. If he wants to give you a large lump sum to put against the mortgage, then consider putting him on the deed (lump sum being a good fraction of what the place is worth). You are not married to this man, you don't want to get screwed if things don't work out!!

    As for housework, that can be a cause for fights. I guess it depends how much you both want to do and like to do. Now that you have two incomes, hiring a maid who comes weekly or so, may not be such a big deal.

    Good luck!!

    Last edited by canadadiva; 01-11-2007 at 04:43 PM.

     
    Old 01-11-2007, 04:39 PM   #3
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    I would not put him on deed until he become a husband. He should help you with bill paying at least as much as you wood charge for renting one room.
    Asking you to pay for doing repairs at your place seems yaki and a huge red flag. My co-worker divorced with few kids and he is living with gf, he built her patio and doing lot of work around her house, helping with her kids. Your bf seems very cheap. If I live with bf it seemed only normal to help.
    I would of get rid of this man.

     
    Old 01-11-2007, 06:28 PM   #4
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Well, I don't own, I rent, but I have to be honest with you, if I were in that situation, I'd feel like a sugar mamma keeping a gigalo. I don't mean to be insulting, but a relationship should be 50/50. He doesn't equally, I'm assuming he doesn't contribute equally with food, gas and electric, water, sanitation, phone, cable, all that other stuff either?

    i actually couldn't see myself co-habitatin with someone I wasn't at least pretty darn sure I was going to marry, and who I was pretty sure wanted to marry me. But he's acting like you guys already have one foot in breakupsville. Insisting on you paying him for handy work and odd jobs he does around the house that he himself plants his butt in every night? Uh, no, that totally would NOT fly with me. He sounds really gunshy, untrusting and a bit selfish. He may be going through a phase, perhaps he's shellshocked from his divorce, but if it were me, I'd tell him to go feel free to lick his wounds on his own time, under his own roof, and we could discuss co-habitation when he's ready to be an equally invested, trusting and trustworthy partner.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 01-11-2007 at 06:32 PM.

     
    Old 01-11-2007, 07:38 PM   #5
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    I moved in with my boyfriend, now husband, who owned his own house and here's what we did. It was saving us money to cohabitate, so I calculated the amount of money we would save each month, and I paid him half of it, which was less than my rent. It has worked out. If he does carpentry for your house, it seems like that would increase the value of your house, so you'd be profiting off of it. But I told my husband, I wasn't going to cohabitate unless I thought we would get married. Your boyfriend would be the one inconvenienced if it didn't work out, because not only would he lose the relationship, he'd have to move, whereas you would still have your house. And for major repairs, it seems like if you want to be the sole owner, you should pay for the repairs. If you both own it, he could pay for the repairs too.

     
    Old 01-11-2007, 08:24 PM   #6
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    The easiest thing to do is not to let him move in, especially if you can handle your own mortgage by yourself. This way you avoid the problem you are facing altogether and it shouldn't become an issue.

    On the other hand, if you are comfortable with a freeloader then let him move in with you.

    In addition, as long as you are going to pay him as a carpenter to do any work on your house, avoid any problems with him. Hire and pay another carpenter to do any work for you and you shouldn't feel so guilty and he won't feel like he is being taken for any carpenter work he didn't do.

    HOOP! ( I am not a woman, so I don't roar!)

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 02:08 AM   #7
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    I agree with the others that this relationship doesn't sound serious enough for you to be moving in together - you both seem to be focussing on "what if it doesn't work out" rather than assuming it will - i.e. that you're both committed to making it work.

    For what it's worth, I was in your boyfriend's situation when I moved in with my girlfriend a year last september - she owned the house and I would technically be "renting". However, we were both serious about staying together, and I was earning good money (more than her actually) so I initially offered to pay about 40% of her total bills (mortgage + utilities) and she would pay 60%. Once we'd done this for a few months, and were both comfortable with living together and that we were going to stay together, I offered to make it a 50/50 split.

    The agreement we had was that if it didn't work out, I'd lose what I pay her a month as we'd just consider it "rent money", but anything we'd bought together for the house would have to be split equally between us (like a new table, chairs, other furniture etc).

    Although legally if we'd separated I would probably have the right to a share of the house, I gave her my word that it wouldn't come to that because I'm not a greedy a-hole and it was always her house not mine. However we both agreed that within a couple of years we'd get a new mortgage which would be joint, and from that point onwards it would be our house, not hers.

    We're actually now engaged, and have just bought a new house together, so in our case it's certainly worked out for the best!

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 03:30 AM   #8
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    I've owned my home for over 20 years so, in my case, if a man was to pay a "reasonable amount for rent", it would be my entire mortgage payment! Of course, HE wouldn't have to know that!

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 03:46 AM   #9
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Hi
    I am female. A year ago my partner and I went through a similar scenario. We were to move in together and he was going to charge me rent. I refused to pay him rent. I agreed that I would pay 50% of the bills and 50% of the food.

    I was not interested in paying him rent for the following reasons:
    - me being there did not increase the cost of his mortgage
    - it was his mortgage and the payments were gong towards his asset, and when he sells his asset then the money will be his exclusively, I have no financial interest
    - by charging me rent he was then treating them like a tennant.
    - I felt that he would profit financially from me being there. If I paid him rent then what would have been the difference between me and a housemate?

    I appreciated the fact that I was living rent free and would do things for him (eg computer work, proper cleaning around the house etc - and I would not charge himf or this).

    I agreed to pay 50% utilities and 50% food as I directly consumed these things and my presence actually did increase the cost of the bills

    Re legalities - I don't know what his rights are if you two cohabitate and then split up - you need to seek legal advice for this. With my partner if we split up after a period of cohabitation then I would just pack my things and go - I did not contribute to the cost of the house therefore I am not entitled to anything - no mess no fuss for me.

    Re the carpentry work your bf does - I don't believe you should pay for this, but if he insists then you should charge him for cooking and cleaning.

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 04:02 AM   #10
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    I agree with others - be VERY careful! I know some places once you are common-law he is entitled to half the house!) I have my own place and have thought about that situation and really it doesnt make any sense for me to EVER move a guy in. Of course you never think going into it you are going to break up...but reality is of course theres a good chance you could and you dont want to lose what youve worked hard to earn!

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 06:41 AM   #11
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Split all the utilities in half, but charge him rent, whatever you feel is reasonable. I wouldn't put him on the deed until you were atleast engaged, or together long enough to feel that it would stay that way.

    I can kinda see why he would want to charge for whatever work he's done on the house.. if it's major; like adding a deck or something! But if he just fixes a hinge on a door.. can't he consider that a boyfriendly favor!?!

    Just becareful and protect yourself first.

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 02:23 PM   #12
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    I am actually in this type of relationship now. I charge my boyfriend half of the mortgage payments and half of a couple other bills. I know that it should be split but I make almost twice an hour what he does, and there's no reason that he should be entirely broke just b/c I charged 1/2 of everything. I am comfortable with the situation, and the way I look at it is, that I bought the house before I knew him and afforded it then, so what's the difference? Now he does pay for 1/2 food b/c those bills have definatly gone up, but we're not going out to eat much anymore.
    I am pregnant with his child so we plan on staying together, but when I have to go on leave from work, he understands that he is going to have to pick up the slack and pay the bills that my disability checks won't cover. And that's fine with both of us.
    And I would never put him on my deed, EVER!!! lol The only time both of our names would be on it, would be if we bought it together!! I have worked hard for my house and put alot of money into it, there is no reason to put his name on anything, he didn't help me get it. And he's not smart enough to try to get half of anything if we broke up! haha poor guy!

    ~heather

     
    Old 01-12-2007, 04:41 PM   #13
    Diamond141
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Thanks to all the great replies! I really needed to know how other people handled this....my boyfriend is not a freeloader, he does faithfully pay me rent every week which is about 1/2 the utilities and pays for my cell phone and for dinner on the weekends... I was thinking it wasn't enough,,,he got a better job and is making more money now so I want him to chip in more...and I definaltly won't be putting him on the deed. If we do get married, I think a prenup is a good thing too...i've worked too hard and long.

     
    Old 01-19-2007, 12:15 PM   #14
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    this is a hard one for me to understand. if you don't trust a man, why would you let him move in with you in the first place? I was in the same situation as some of you guys. I owned my own home, after my husband died, had money comeing in every month of my own. When I finally meet a man that I was interested in, I simply went by my gut instincts, and trusted him. He had been through a divorce, his choice, and left her with just about everything they owned together, . I knew he was a kind soul and a good person. So I felt I could trust him, he needed help when I meet him and after we became close enough for me to feel I could live with him, I didn't feel any need for him to have to split everything. In fact, we simply combined our incomes, paid the bills, bought grocery's, and everything else we needed, . We shared everything, (everything), and I have never been sorry. Now its been seven years of being together, we are now married, and I am very happy with him. He is a hard worker, takes care of all the needs of our home( did this before we were married) So I think it comes down to whether you can simply trust this man. I don't understand how its more important to trust a man with your property, than it is with your life. I know we can all be fooled, but a mans history tells so much about him. Just look at his past, and you know what he's capable of.

     
    Old 01-19-2007, 02:38 PM   #15
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    Re: Women who own a house and bf moves in

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Diamond141 View Post
    Hi, this is to the women who own a home, and their boyfriend moves in with them. How do you split the bills and housework? Remember, if you have a mortgage, would you expect your boyfriend to pay for 1/2 of everything, even if he's not on the deed? Or would he just pay you rent? Also, if it is a "renters" situation, how long before you would put him on the deed, if ever? I'm curious, since i'm in this situation, where boyfriend doesn't feel he should have to pay as much because "it's not his house". I had everything furnished also. Boyfriend is also a carpenter, but wants to get paid for any work he does on the house, because incase we break up he won't feel he got taken. (he lost everything in his divorce,,,so that's why he feels that way). Thanks for your replies...ive been struggling with this.

    Are you joking? How can a smart woman that owns her own home not reread what she just wrote. Sounds like a big use to me. Don't let the "poor me, the ex took everything" get to you. There was probably a good reason why the ex got everything, if there was anything to get. Sorry I'm harsh but it strikes a nerve when males take advantage of innocent woman. Best of life

     
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