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  • Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

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    Old 01-22-2007, 05:41 PM   #1
    Jasmine W
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    Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Hi everyone, this weekend I am going to confront my husband with all the evidence of his continued contacts with his ex-girlfriend that still is trying to win him back. This is the 3rd time in our 7 year marriage I have caught him doing this! I had posted earlier about it and how she wrote our son a letter saying how she and my husband have always been in contact and how he complained about me etc etc and also she tells our son that they talk about "what might have been" and "where they went wrong" etc! He found nothing wrong with her writing this letter to our son since he was the one that gave her his address in the Army. He swore I was the "center of his universe" and he would call off all contact with her and he went right on back to covertly contacting her via different ways on the web etc.
    Also to add insult to my injury he keeps a record of thier "anniversary" even though they never married with a notation "Joellyn and my anniversary" with a little wedding couple icon. Also the calendar record of her birthday online under the notation it says "happy birthday to me!".
    Worst of all I found photos of another woman, her address, birthday, her old address AND her new address, her personal and Yahoo email address with the word "flirt" in it and mapquested this mystery woman only lives 50 minutes from us. I have been trying to call the b***h to ask her the nature of thier relationship with I can prove he has been in contact with her from 2002 thru 2005 for sure, after that I don't know.
    True our marriage had lots of early rocky years with bad fights, weeks at a time with out sex and just constant stress. I thought everything was resolved and fine but I guess I was wrong.
    PLEASE everyone men and women alike give me your opinions on how this would effect you, what you would do and how you would feel!
    Last time he said I was jealous and overreacting, I need to print up the answers from everyone and show him that I am not overreacting.
    Thanks very much in advance.....

     
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    Old 01-22-2007, 05:53 PM   #2
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    You feel what you feel, and he either cares about that or not. From a factual basis, no, I personally don't think you're overreacting, but even if you were overreacting, a good husband would care enough about how you feel about it to put an end to it. I don't think a husband has any business corresponding with an ex lover outside the scope and knowledge of his marriage and spouse, especially if she is talking about what might have been. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, just communicating to her when he knows she does feel that way and would make trouble if she had half the chance is disloyal to you, I think. But what bothers me most is not that he's doing all this, which is bad enough, but the fact that he sees nothing wrong with it and doesn't seem to care how much it's hurting you. He's having an emotional affair with this woman and doesn't care how much it is hurting his marriage. That's not good at all.

     
    Old 01-22-2007, 06:57 PM   #3
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    He sounds like a snake and I don't think he deserves another moment of your time. I know you're married and that makes it harder to leave the situation, but he has made it abundantly clear that he really doesn't care about your feelings at all in this situation. I question whether he even loves you, based on how he is treating you.

    I believe that you deserve to be loved and respected by a husband who would move heaven and earth to make sure you felt loved and respected. I believe that a man who would be as underhanded as your husband, hiding all of this crap from you, deserves nothing but to be alone for the rest of his miserable and pathetic life.

    So, I'm not sure where you stand on divorce, but I would seriously be looking into a good lawyer right about now. He broke the contract that he made with you when you got married, you know the the forsaking all others one. So, as far as I can tell, you can get him on breach of contract.

    He's a jerk and you shouldn't even spend another moment on his antics. He doesn't deserve you, period.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 04:21 AM   #4
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jasmine W View Post
    PLEASE everyone men and women alike give me your opinions on how this would effect you, what you would do and how you would feel!
    What would I do and how would I feel?

    This is how I'd feel - I'd feel like he'd just ripped out all my internal organs, put them through a blender, blended them into gunk, then poured them back down my neck and expected me to function normally and pretend like everything was ok

    This is what I'd do - I'd move out. I know you're going crazy here honey and I really honestly feel for you, I truly do, but I have to refer you back to the post I sent on your last thread. That is really the only (and I believe the BEST advice I can think of giving you here) trust me honey, it is the advice I would take myself, it is the advice I would give my little sister. You donít need, want or deserve this ****.

    Nothing I say, as a faceless stranger over the internet, is going to convince you to leave this man. You love your husband, I understand that. But your husband has the very unfortunate capacity to compartmentalise his life, and you need to SHOCK him out of that.

    I hope you find the strength to do that. {{{hug}}}

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 04:54 AM   #5
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    "Yes MA'AM" to everything that Laylah said! You go girl!!!!!!

    This man is most likely cheating on you physically too. But all the internet stuff is cheating just the same! Look at how bad this is hurting you and he doesn't even care! Would you do this to him? I don't think so! If I ever found this kind of stuff that my husband was doing...I'd be gone in a New York Second!
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    Old 01-23-2007, 05:09 AM   #6
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    This is really quite simple:
    1. He is a pig
    2. You need to leave
    3. He is a pig

    End of story! This kind of behavior is completely unacceptable, and you need to show him that. The only way, since you have tried talking to him and he has already blown you off, is by standing your ground and being firm.

    It's done, it's over, the pig screwed up. So, let him go back to his pigpen and leave like the swine that he is by himself.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 05:21 AM   #7
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Seriously why are you even taking the time to "confront" him? Don't waste your time. Just get out. It's painfully obvious that he doesn't really love you and doesn't want to be there with you. Just leave and get your self-esteem back and move on. Seriously.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 07:18 AM   #8
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    I, too, say the days of confronting are over. Let a process server confront him with divorce papers.

    This man just isn't marriage material. He's into other women. Plain and simple. You've had this problem before, he said you were overreacting and jealous, turned his piggish behavior to somehow be your problem and your issue, and now he's doing it again. What more is left to do? What sort of trust can you ever expect to have here? Do you really think he's going to come up with a new and improved excuse this time that will fly over with you and rectify this?

    As hard as it will be, if it were me, I'd accept defeat, know I'd given him multiple chances to be a good husband, file for divorce and move on. I think I could handle that pain much more easily than a lifetime of this kind of hurt and distrust.

    Who knows? Once you're his ex, then maybe your anniversary date will appear on his homepage.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 07:31 AM   #9
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    I pretty much agree with everyone else, although I wouldn't look at it as accepting defeat.....I would look at it as breaking free from a bad situation. What's there to think about? He's betrayed you throughtout the whole relationship.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 08:37 AM   #10
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Keep all the proof you can find of his cheating.Maybe you can get both child support and alimony.You could use that alimony to help you get started on a new life.Sue that sucker for as much as you can get from him.

    Last edited by brndbrdn; 01-23-2007 at 08:37 AM.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 12:31 PM   #11
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    OH WOW! YIKES BBsLady!!!!!! What a nightmare, you poor thing!

    Well, life's way too short to live in a trustless relationship and to be cheated on by anyone, I don't care if you are married to them or not. That doesn't mean you have to stay and put up with that, he made a promise to you and he's broken that promise. Leave him to his online babes and get the heck outta dodge!
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    Old 01-23-2007, 12:54 PM   #12
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Hiya Keepsgoin, yep...it was most definitely a nightmare which THANK GOD has ended. I divorced his butt going on 5 years ago but the bad thing is he kept trying to contact me those 5 years even up to this past September. sheesh! I made a vow to my honey of 8 months that I would have no contact with this man whatsoever and I am keeping my vow. Having any contact at all gives him license to continue to hound me and harrass me and at first in the beginning, I thought I had to justify myself to him. EHHHH!!! Bad mistake on my part. He would make remarks to try and get me going and I would respond back justifying myself to him. What the f? Why was I even doing this for? I wasn't married to the guy anymore. This past September he calls my work and my home trying to get in touch with me to see if I had enough "compassion" to give him a ride home since his vehicle broke down. Poor baby. I guess I didn't cuz he didn't get a ride and I never knew he called. lol I left work early that particular day cuz I was sick and went to put gas in my car and by the time I got home my son had picked up the phone and told him to "f" off and hung up on him and then told me he called me about 4 or 5 hours later...lol.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 01:46 PM   #13
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    I can only speak from my experience and I apologise if I am repeating what has alreday been posted (haven't read all of the posts).

    Just wanted to say, I know how hurtful it can be when your current squeeze is in touch with/talks about exes e.t.c.

    it's enough to make the most secure person feel awful and question themselves, their looks and how the two relationships compare in every department.

    My ex used to keep all of his exes telephone numbers/email addresses and even had a 'shrine like' box for one - complete with love letters, cards, hair ties, photos, naked photos (!) e.t.c. It just so happened that she was Swedish and blonde - great!

    He used to text exes and phone them. It almost seemed to be a way to boost his ego or a back up plan just in case. He never did anything with them but it used to drive me mad.

    The only way I could explain it to him was that i felt it undermined our relationship.

    He once even gave me CD that said -Jen's CD on it (turned out - he had made it for her -!!!!). At a later date, i took great pleasure in smashing it to bits. I won't tell you what i did with some of the photos . . .

    I got called all of the names under the sun for my feelings on this subject - psycho/paranoid/untrusting e.t.c.

    I just believe that exes belong firmly in the past. Ultimately, nobody likes to think of their partner with somebody else. Perfectly natural.

    Anyway, when we broke up it was most satisfying to be the only ex that he couldn't keep in touch with. he has since txted me and phoned me on numerous occasions and I ignore it.

    I just wnated to let you know that I think you are justified in feeling this way and not nuts. Best wishes.

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 04:53 PM   #14
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Pebbles26 View Post
    I just believe that exes belong firmly in the past
    Amen to that...

     
    Old 01-23-2007, 08:36 PM   #15
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    Re: Opinions Needed ASAP, My Husband is contacting other women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    Amen to that...
    I'll second that and then some!!!!!
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