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  • help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!

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    Old 02-06-2007, 01:46 AM   #1
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    help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!


    My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half. We broke up for 3 weeks in December but quickly got back together when we realised that we should never have broken up in the first place.

    Coincidentally my boyfriends breaking up with me came exceedingly close to the time when his best friend came back from Europe. Basically, best friend comes home and tells him how fantastic it is to be single and travelling free, my boyfriend gets an idea that thats what he wants to do and ta-da... we're over. Later to be realised that its hard to do that when you're still in love with someone.

    In the time we were broken up he typically spent a huge amount of time with the friend that I didn't really even get a chance to meet. Now that we're back together I now have this person in my life in every way shape and form. Basically I think he's extremely influental of my boyfriend, who holds his friend up on a giant pedastool.

    So I think to myself, its alright, its just his best friend, it's nothing to do with you. WRONG!! The best friend and all their guy click are all single. I never get invited ANYWHERE to anything they ever do because its ALWAYS boys nights. I'm not even invited when they're at the beach that I live AROUND THE CORNER FROM!I can't even talk to my boyfriend on the phone (for a couple of minutes even) when he's with his friend because he feels like he's being sooo rude. Every time he sees him he stays over his place when its much, much more geographically convenient to go home.

    So I try and look past it and enjoy the time that I get left with my boyfriend when he isn't off galavanting with his friend. But everything he talks about is him. ** this and ** that. Even his **** is lying everywhere. His surfboard his clothes his books his whatever. My boyfriend even wore his jumper on a date with me last week and I nearly died! You have your own clothes why must you wear his!! Why must you rub my face in it. Bad enough he has a social life I can never be a part of ever second bloody day, but now I have to put up with the reminder of it in a trail of clothes and annoying habits.

    I just don't know how to deal with the presence of someone in my life who really doesn't care for me, and only has to say "jump" for my boyfriend to say "how high." He'll drop plans of ours and leave me hanging to please him and I just reckon it's a huge joke. I feel like asking him if there's anythin "goin on" but I know that would cause a huge argument because he obviously isn't gay. Bloody feels that way tho. I feel like i'm sharing my boyfriend with another man because he bends over backwards to please this guy, not minding when its at the expense of our plans or our time together. I feel like i'm fighting for #1 spot and I don't think I should be. Friends are extremely inportant in our lives but since when is it healthy for them to rule everything we do?

    Any advice or feedback on similar situations would be greatly appreciated!! I feel if I don't find a way to deal with this fast im gonna FLIP!

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    Old 02-06-2007, 02:08 AM   #2
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    Re: help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!

    Don't really know what to say but my first impression was your bf is an immature loser and i wouldn't be putting up with crap like that. what kind of a relationship are you in? i'd much rather be single than have a bf who treats me like he does you.

    Old 02-06-2007, 03:59 AM   #3
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    Re: help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!

    Well jozi he's such a beautiful boyfriend in many other ways..which makes the situation so hard I guess. If he was an all round dud i'd have no problems in saying goodbye. For instance in our first year of dating, his friends (not including this particular one as he was in europe) were so vile to me and us that he didn't see them for 6 months. So he has shown me his willingness to put me first. This situation is also new to me... so i don't want to jump the gun and be all "ok thats it" when this may just be a phase. I don't know maybe I'm being completely unreasonable. I do know that i'm ****** off right now caus he's out with his mate and its just so not appropriate for me to call because it would mean me being rude. Pfft... Boys and their boys. I guess you just can't get in between them, no matter how much they get in between you!

    Old 02-06-2007, 05:15 AM   #4
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    Re: help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!

    It sounds like he is more into his boyfriend than he is his girlfriend. If you want to date a guy like that, be my guest. But it's not going to get any better. I'd cut my losses, personally, because a lot of guys won't dump their best mate for a girl, EVER.

    I think you're headed for heartbreak if you stay in this relationship.

    Old 02-06-2007, 06:31 AM   #5
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    Re: help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!

    I'm not sure what it advise, but I wanted to let you know that I feel the same way. My boyfriend and I are in college and he recently fell in with a set of really great guys. I can say they're really great because it's true. But they're stealing him from me!!! Everything you said sounded like what I was experiencing. So I called a break. I said, I feel hurt and neglected and I think that we need to take a four week break to sort out what this relationship means to each of us. It was scary, but I think it's working. Already, although we're not supposed to be talking, he's made up excuses to call me twice. Also, this break has helped me to see that I can live without him. I love him and want him with me, but I've realized that I need care and I need to be important to the guy I'm with. If he's not ready to give me that at the end of the break, then I think it'll have to be over. I'm willing to put in the effort for this relationship, but there's not sense in hurting both of us by forcing him in to something he doesn't have time for. If he doesn't have time for you, you're not important enough to him. I don't think you can love someone and not make time for them.

    Old 02-06-2007, 12:14 PM   #6
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    Re: help, im sharing my boyfriend with another man!

    I totally agree with dandelion. If a man truly loves you he will want to be with you and he'll know what is a healthy balance. He can hang with his friends and have time for you as well but it doesn't sound like he is putting much of a priority on your relationship. To me, if my man did that, I would begin to believe that I have no place in his life anymore and would probably do as the other person on this thread said...I'd tell my man we need a break from each other. Until he sorts out his priorities then you are going to live your life. If you find someone else in the process of living your own life without him then its his loss. He should not have taken you foregranted in the first place. I met my guy going on nine months ago. I know for most men friends are important. He could just be sowing his wild oats for now and if he is smart...getting it out of his system. He may never get it out of his system either so who knows. I told my man in the beginning of the relationship that I understood if he needed his guy time or time to himself. What he told me was that he had been alone all his life even when he was married and that if he wanted time to be with his friends that I would be there right beside him. He was serious too and we haven't been apart. This man loves me...he shows me through his actions. Any guy can say he loves you...but does he show you?

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