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    Old 02-06-2007, 09:37 PM   #1
    jo5086
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    Am I Just A Booty Call?

    I want to hear NO but please give me your honest opinions…

    7.5 years ago I met a guy at work (different departments). One year later , his sister came to work I my department and we quickly became best friends. I always thought he was cute but never thought much of it, he had a gf. We all partied together, I got to know their whole family so well, I spend part of Christmas day with them.

    5 years ago, while partYING, we hooked up (March; his inititation). We ended up ‘dating’ for 9 months on and off. It was always on and off, we never even called each other, just kinda got together when we saw each other. He did ask for my number multiple times and I gave it to him, but he never initiated a call. In july I was sick of it and called him, told him I wasn’t asking to be his gf, but I wanted some clarification about our situation. He blew me off. I found out way later that in our off times, he was back together with his gf, and his gf was over when I called, that y he blew me off. Still, it continued on and off until new years at his friends’ party when we made out while the ball was dropping. We left the room, and after about ten minutes while everyone was saying happy ny to each other, he came up to me and hugged me and said, “I didn’t get to see you over ny, happy new years!” that was the last straw….I thought he had maybe been too drunk to remember what we just did and I was ******.

    So, I met a guy at the party and he gave me a quick peck on the lips, nothing more. His sister saw and blew up…she started saying bad stuff about me to people at the party, and when her brother wanted to walk me out later, she said don’t touch her, shes been making out with everyone tonight. Needless to say, I was not impressed. This girl idolizes her brother…I get along really well with my brother too, but if he was treating a friend, let alone a best friend, like her bro was treating me, I would understand where she was coming from. I would have taken my friend aside and asked what was going on. She is not the type to talk about uncomfortable things though and blows up quite easily. Well, she was so angry, that she wouldn’t sleep at her parent’s house that night with me-awkward!

    The next morning when she came home, I told her how hurt I was, and she told me that her brother said what he did b/c he did want his ex-gf to find out; she hadn’t been at the party, but those were all her friends too. I was mad at her b/c everyone seemed to want to protect the ex, but I was apparently not worth it.

    The brother and I did not sleep together the whole 9 months we “dated”.

    It took a LONG time for me and the sister to become close friends again; we have talked about the situation as much as she can handle, which is barely anything, and she will usually only talk about it when she is drunk, which for me isn’t satisfactory, but I wanted her in my life and had to realize that she is who she is. Over the past 4 years, she’s told me she would love it if her bro and I dated (umm…what?) b/c he whole family loves me, I am her best friend, etc. But he called her two years ago at a party and found out I was there. He called another mutual gf in order to talk to me and the sister found out and told that girl to get the phone away from me.

    Anyway, needless to say I got sick of the situation fast, we don’t bring him up anymore. He’s now been going out with his gf (on and off) for a good 8 or 9 years I’d say.

    Over this past new years, she came to pick me up (I live an hour away in the city) and she was driving his car. I asked what happened to her car, and she said, “oh he moved into an apartment with the gf, and sold his car to me. They’ve been living together for a year, actually two blocks away from you. Did I forget to tell you that?” OKAY stab in the heart.

    So….this past Saturday I was taking a nap, I was feeling off all day, but I had to celebrate a friends bday that night. I wake up, and I find a msg on my phone from the brother. I haven’t seen him in three years, and haven’t talked to him in two. He told me he left his gf for good ONE WEEK AGO. He got my number from his sister which I find hard to believe. He msged me all day long, and actually went to bar I was going to, but I didn’t end up going b/c I didn’t feel well. The next day he was checking up on me all day and we were going to go out, but (for him) the superbowl turned into a poker game which by midnight still wasn’t over, and I have to work at 8 in the morning so I cancelled. Besides, at that time of night, it would have been more of a booty call than anything. He said he would call me this week sometime (he moved back to his parent’s house in this transition but said he is moving back to the city in a few weeks).


    I don’t want to be a booty call for him. I was so excited to hear from him and after all these years, I still have a crush on him. I know I haven’t painted him in a good light, but he has a really great personality. I haven’t liked anyone much in the past three years, and it not for lack of trying, I always go out and meet people and am very social and date a lot but I just don’t like any of the guys enough to date them regularly.

    So am I just a booty call? He left his gf after 9 years and called me one freaking week later…does that mean he had been thinking about me all these years or was I just someone physically close by his friend’s house that he knew he could make out with?…How can I tell if I am just a booty call to him, and how do I make it clear I don’t want to be only that…not saying I would expect a gf/bf relationship, I understand he got out of a rocky relationship just last week. I also have a fear he will go back to his gf (duh, is it 5 years ago?), but should I let that fear get in the way of someone I like so much even after 3 years of not seeing him and dating other people? Is dating guys I don’t really care about a better alternative than not going forward with him b/c of my fears?


    THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR THOUGHTS

    Last edited by jo5086; 02-06-2007 at 09:38 PM.

     
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    Old 02-07-2007, 04:25 AM   #2
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    I think this is an easy one - if you don't want to be a booty call, don't be a booty call. I mean, if he wants to hang out, go hang out. If he wants to go on dates, get to know you and thats what you want - great! You said you didnt sleep together in those 9 months, so dont sleep together now (or anytime soon). If all hes wanting is sex or a booty call, he wont be too pleased with just hanging out. If he continues to blow you off like he did in the past though, i say RUN! YOu can do better..

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 05:18 AM   #3
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    One word - DRAMA!! This whole situation is just really lame, because the guy is obviously a pig. The only reason why he keeps coming back to you is because you let him. He is using you as second fiddle after his relationships don't work out, and you're letting him. I think you should just disown all of them, the sister, the brother and everyone else. They all sound like a bunch of high school kids who are really into all of that Beverly Hills Dawson's Creek drama crap that gets really old really quick.

    There comes a point where you have to stop letting people walk all over you. I think you've passed that point a few times and you're still letting it happen. I think for your own sake it would be best to just drop that entire group of people from your life because they are very toxic and don't really care about you anyway.

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 05:27 AM   #4
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    I think whatever you considered to be dating was never dating to him. I am not clear on whether you 2 ever slept together? I'm confused...you 2 just hung out and made out whenever you "saw" each other? That's not even dating. Face it, he had the same gf for NINE years and LIVED with her. He wouldn't even call you until the other day. The memory of a 9 year relationship is not going to go away over night, and his sister sounds like a huge b****. If I were you, I wouldn't bother with either of them.

    Last edited by vintagegirl; 02-07-2007 at 05:30 AM.

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 09:14 AM   #5
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    If he had been thinking about you so much the past three years, he would have been with you instead of his girlfriend. I think his sister has already shown you how loyal she is to you. She wants to you sit there and take being used by her brother.

    I'm confused about one thing - and this is something a lot of younger women today seem to be unclear about - you say you don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, yet you don't want to be a booty call. Well, you know, there isn't a whole lot of gray area in between. You are either his girlfriend or you aren't. If you aren't, but still hang out, make out, fool around, have sex,whatever, then you're a booty call, or "friends with benefits." If there is no sexual element to your relationship, then you are friends. There really aren't a whole lot of choices. If you want to be treated with respect, then I recommend either finding out ifhe's interested in a serious, commited, exclusive relationship. If he isn't, then just be platonic friends and leave it at that. If you want to have sexual contact with him but you don't want to be his exclusive girlfriend, then you can be his booty call and he can be yours, and you both need to be ok with that, and never expect or want any more than that. That's the only way you're not going to get really hurt in this situation. If it were ME, which I understand it isn't, BUT...if it were me, I'd perhaps keep the sister as just an acquaintance, like a lunch or shopping buddy and not try to establish a really close friendship, especially if she kept harping on me to date her brother. The brother has already shown many many times just how into you he is, or ever will be. I wouldn't get mixed up with him again unless I was just looking for short term, casual sex, which I am not.

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 07:08 PM   #6
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
    One word - DRAMA!! This whole situation is just really lame, because the guy is obviously a pig. The only reason why he keeps coming back to you is because you let him.
    There comes a point where you have to stop letting people walk all over you.
    i could agree i let him five years ago, but only partialy b/c i did not know he was going back to his gf in between me. until the end of our 'relationship'. But you are right if he is stepping all over me, i should get rid of him.

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 07:12 PM   #7
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by vintagegirl View Post
    I think whatever you considered to be dating was never dating to him. I am not clear on whether you 2 ever slept together? I'm confused...you 2 just hung out and made out whenever you "saw" each other? That's not even dating. Face it, he had the same gf for NINE years and LIVED with her. He wouldn't even call you until the other day. The memory of a 9 year relationship is not going to go away over night, and his sister sounds like a huge b****. If I were you, I wouldn't bother with either of them.
    We saw each other a lot (at work, partying) and the sis and i called each other every day, i remember days calling her house three times and lots of times he would answer. so even though we did not call each other we talked to and saw each other often.

    i used the term "dating" b/c lack of a better term. coudn't you call it non-exclusive dating b/c it went on for so long and we saw and talked to each other a lot? do you have to sleep with the person to be dating him? anyway regardless of a proper term, we had something that was more than a platonic friendship.

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 07:13 PM   #8
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    I'm confused about one thing - and this is something a lot of younger women today seem to be unclear about - you say you don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, yet you don't want to be a booty call. Well, you know, there isn't a whole lot of gray area in between. You are either his girlfriend or you aren't. if it were me, I'd perhaps keep the sister as just an acquaintance, like a lunch or shopping buddy and not try to establish a really close friendship, especially if she kept harping on me to date her brother. The brother has already shown many many times just how into you he is, or ever will be. I wouldn't get mixed up with him again unless I was just looking for short term, casual sex, which I am not.
    well i would consider being his gf if he wanted; however who is going to want to jump into a relationship after ending a 9 year long one? i don't want casual sex with him, but i wouldn't mind being somewhere in between like dating, but no pressure with the titles, obligations. don't know if that makes a lot of sense.

    the sister, i am still friends with her, but not best friends. when i moved to the city, i found a real best friend. its funny, b/c now the sister is telling me repeatedly that i am her one true best friend, i don't say it back and she says she doesn't need that from me. she says i am the only one that doesn't judge her. and its true, she has cheated on her bf and slept with her other friends' interests. Although that is "terrible", i do like her as a person, and i don't believe i am in a superior moral position to pass judgements on others. i definitely keep her at a distance. i have a lot of fun with her, i enjoy her company, we have never had an argument outside this issue in all the years we've been friends. thats y i say i recognize she's not perfect but she is still someone i want in my life.

    Last edited by jo5086; 02-07-2007 at 07:20 PM.

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 07:26 PM   #9
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    okay last one!

    thank u to everyone who replied. it was hard to read some of it, but i know it is the truth, i just needed it drilled in my head i guess. probably a most difficult part in this is that he is someone i have had a crush on for so many years and i haven't felt like this in a long time.

    i talked to my best guy friend who also knows both of them, although not too well. my best guy friend is a player and he agrees that i will definitely get hurt if i pursue this. a lady at my work thinks i should tell him i am dating other people so he gets all competitive adn tries to win me over. But i am not the type of person to lie about that. i am dating other people, just not regularly, but i wouldn't want him to think that was barrier b/w us, b/c the truth is, its still his actions/his ex, etc. and besides, i don't like lying with an agenda b/c its not a authentic assertion of myself.

    anyway, its pretty much out of my hands now, b/c i am not going to go out of my way to call him, and we'll see if he calls me...i'm telling you i would be surprised if he did. i suppose i would go out for coffee or something with him to catch up, and if he brings it up, explain that i won't be a booty call for him. and i bet he'll hightail it outta there. who knows.

    Last edited by jo5086; 02-07-2007 at 07:32 PM.

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 06:17 AM   #10
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    No, you don't have to be sleeping with someone to be dating him, but a man will usually introduce you as his girlfriend, come in a car (dressed up) to pick you up and take you out to eat, and have pictures of you in his wallet/apartment. He would give you cards on Valentine's Day and gifts for Christmas. He would most likely sleep with you then still take you out the next day, and the next, and the next....

    Calling his sister several times per day and him picking up the phone does NOT qualify as non exclusive "dating."

    If my friend's brother walked into her kitchen to get a soda out of the fridge and said hi to me before going back to his room, that wouldn't mean anything other than he said hi and was going back to his room. Making out is just making out. It sounds as if you have wasted 9 years on this delusion. Sorry to be so blunt, but you need to get a grip and move on. Take care.

    Last edited by vintagegirl; 02-08-2007 at 05:43 PM.

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 07:16 AM   #11
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    vintagegirl, as i said before, i called it "dating" in whatever form, for lack of a better term. sorry, i didn't feel like typing "the guy i made out with and talked to and partied and worked with for 9 months 5 yeras ago" every time i referred to him.

    i did not waste 9 years of my life with him, it was 9 months 5 years ago, i hardly see that as a huge chunk of time. moreover, i would not see it as a waste of time, b/c although it was a tough situation, it was a learning experience.

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 08:29 AM   #12
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    I wouldnt go there sister. After nine years, he leaves his girlfriend, and after one week he is calling and messaging you? He needs time to get over his gf.
    I say forget it. I dont think he respects or likes you enough. Dont be second best.
    And ditch the girlfriend too.
    You need to fill your life with pleasent, respectful people.

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 08:36 AM   #13
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    Great advice AJ! I totally agree!
    I don't know if you're a booty call, a potential booty call or just an ego booster to this guy. Call if what you want, but he only comes around when it's convenient for him. I wouldn't waste any more time on him......he's not sincere

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 12:54 PM   #14
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    Hi thanks for the replies,
    that family is not in my life as muchanymore, so I am okay. the sister and i talk about once every month or two, and we only see each other 2-3 times per year, and obviously, haven't seen or talked to the bro in at least two years.
    Thank you for all your input!

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 12:59 PM   #15
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    Re: Am I Just A Booty Call?

    please forget him alright? dont let anyone treat you like that. move on. find the man youre truely meant to be with. no nonsense. no hassle. it may take time, but hell, itll be worth it!

     
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