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BIG help with family.

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Old 02-16-2007, 01:10 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2005
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_mystictiger_ HB User
BIG help with family.


I need help with my family. They're driving me crazy. Basically I'm a full time carer for my Gran & I have been since I was 15 (im now nearly 21). My family consists of my Mum (she is 60 with brain damage), my aunt and her 3 sons (Grans daughter & grandsons). The oldest grandson Jay has 2 little boys of his own & his wife is very cynical & downright nasty.

So basically you could say I also care for my Mum but not physically, more emotionally as she's prone to violent mood swings & episodes of depression. My dad passed away 2 years ago & I was his full time carer also & my grandad died 4 years ago now. I was raised since I was born by my grandparents but I was lucky because to me I had TWO sets of parents. We were all very close & my grandad idolised me & so did my dad.

Their deaths hit me very hard. I developed depression & I tried to commit suicide 6 times in 4 years. Now heres the big part. My oldest cousin Jay are literally putting poison in my Grans head though Gran wont admit it. Jay & his wife have been saying I killed my grandad & I killed my dad & Im trying to kill my Gran off & take all her money & house off her. Grans daughter who she rarely see's doesn't care 2 hoots about Gran. Gran was diagnosed with kidney problems recently & she was very distraught, Gran called her daughter who said "im too busy to come & im working & your probably lying anyway" but today...5 WEEKS LATER she turned up for a hour & it was slag me off time. My aunt was arguing about me having Grans house (i dont want it but Gran left it me apparently) & said I have enough with the car. Basically the car was my Dads, he passed away when we had the car less than 1 month & I was a biker. I sold my bike & decided to learn to drive a car so I could give Gran a life outside of the house. I spent biggest part of my carers allowance on driving lessons & had a 6 months break due to illness then I passed november last year.

My cousin & his "family" all say Im stealing off Gran (ive never stole in my life!) & that I'm mistreating her & giving her the medication incorrectly so she dies early & I'll get everything. They're also saying I sleep around, I'm a slag and I don't look after her properly. Since I started looking after Gran her diabetes has improved & everything else is better controlled. But I dont understand why they're like this. I practically gave up my life looking after Gran when her daughter should be doing all this. I should be out there, having a good time & getting on with my life & carer & looking for Mr Right. But instead I get this crap.

When my grandad died I had to perform CPR & I brought him back twice. I tried so hard with him but he died. It broke my heart & then to lose my dad & watch him die also, that nearly killed me. I also performed CPR on my dad & he lasted another 24hours. I wish they were all here today. When gramps was alove, none of the family would treat me like this because gramps would of hit the roof & shown them the door. It was no secret that he thought of me as his daughter & loved me to bits. His daughter knew this & she was jealous. I tried to get on with her, i really did but its so difficult when they're like this. Im under so much stress & my depression is getting worse. Each thing they say about me sets me off now & I feel suicidal when this happens. I wish I didn't feel this way.

Also when my dad died, we told his sister my aunt hes very ill a week before this & she went on holiday for 2 weeks to blackpool, UK. We tried to get hold off her & when he died she wouldn't come back home. When she finally came home they never said sorry to me or how am i or supported me. Gran was having all the comfort & I was being told I didn't give a crap about him or care about him & Im a selfish little c*w. My best mate keeps saying im too soft & ive got a big heart but it hurts so much. I hate all of them. I really do.

But im more concerned about the house. Not for my sake but for my mum. If anything happens to Gran (god forbid) & the will is contested then my aunt will get the house & everything & probably make me pay her rent. Im a very stubborn person & I will never pay her rent or live in a house that she owns or them "things" her sons. I hate them so much. Its not enough that 2 of her sons abused me as a little girl until I was 14 then the other one tried to rape me when I was 16, it went to court but there wasn't enough evidence. I was on my own at court & my dad passed away 3 days prior to the hearing so I was a wreck. Jay said in court that I made up accussations about rape & sexual abuse & that I'd been arrested 3 times. I've never done any of this. I always kept it to myself. Anyway I lost the case due to lack of evidence. Not one person supported me through this either. I also have agorophobia so I cant go out alone. My mum goes everywhere with me but Im getting over it slowly.

What should I do? I feel like packing my bags & leaving the country & never returning. But I cant. I have no money & no job because Gran takes up all my time & if I do get a job (i really want one) then who's going to look after Gran? Her daughter wont & my mum would try her best but she doesn't understand. Its so complicated.

I need help. Anything really. Thanks x

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Old 02-16-2007, 01:30 PM   #2
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Location: pennsylvania
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jen52983 HB User
Re: BIG help with family.

Wow.. I'm sorry to hear about all that you've been through, and what you're currently going through. I really don't think I know the "right" thing to say.. but I feel I need to say something, to try to help in some way...

It sounds as though your family is jealous of you.. of the love that your grandparents have for you, and for the things you will possibly inherit. Jealousy isn't easy to overcome.. the jealous person has to first realize they feel that way.. then want to make it better. They don't sound like a rational group of people.. not people you would accomplish anything by sitting down and talking with.. so I really don't know how to advize you on that....

What do you mean they are "litterally poisoning" your gran? If they tamper with her medication or add something fatal to her food or meds, maybe you can catch them in the act with a hidden video camera? Sneaky.. but effective if you can pull it off.

Are lawyers involved in any of this? Sounds like they should be.

Does anyone help you take care of your mother and gran? Maybe you can share the responsibilities with another family member. That will give you some time to get a job. Then you could save money for your own apartment. could you possibly live with a friend until you have some money saved up. Even living away from home, you can still care for your family.. you would just have to in shifts, with another trusted care-giver.

What does your Gran have to say about all this, about how they treat you, and talk to you?

Is there anyone you live with or know that you trust and would help you out?

It's too much responsibilty for one person to take on herself, not to mention all the added stress with the problematic family members. I think you need outside help. Do you see a counselor? I ask because you mentioned suicide attempts, death of loved ones, agoraphobia and sexual abuse. Those alone are tramatic experiences.. put them all together, its almost intolerable. You would probably benefit greatly from talking and working with a professional.

do you go to school? If you can't afford a doctor, the school would have a counselor you could talk to. They would also have better advice to give regarding your current situation.

I doubt I've helped any, but I hope I did in some small way.
Best of luck....

Old 02-16-2007, 01:39 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 995
_mystictiger_ HB User
Re: BIG help with family.

Hiya Jen,

Yup you've helped me hun. Thank you. Sorry I should of worded it better about literally poisoning my Gran. I meant her mind. The oldest Jay says things about me in such a way that is sounds true and real. He must be a pro about psychological mind games.

I finished college 2 months ago. I studied at home so I could fit everything around Gran but there wasn't any counselling support. I think my GP roughly knows Im going through a rough time at home but Gran wont have any outside help. She doesn't like "strangers" coming in & she's a very proud woman even at 85 but I'll keep trying to convince her.

Gran says they're jealous & to ignore them but I cant' Its been going on for years now & its the same old stuff & they are not going to change. Not as far as I can tell anyway. My best mate lives 3 hours away from me & as for other mates I haven't seen them in years. They just didn't want to know once I became a carer.

Thanks again x

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