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What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

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Old 02-19-2007, 03:02 PM   #1
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What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

Hey all, I've posted a few times on here, but I have a big problem that I need to know what everyone thinks of this. My b/f and I have been together for 10 months, and we are currently expecting our first child in July (fast I know!!) We care about each other alot and are both excited to welcome our new child into the world.... There is one problem.... His brother.

A little history is that I knew his brother and dated/talked to him for about a month over a year ago. My b/f lived in another state at that time and I did not know him. About 6 months after his brother and I had stopped talking, my current b/f moved back to the state, and my best friend *who had went to school with him* introduced us. I never had any intentions of dating this guy, but we are members of the same online site, and he started sending me messages and everything. Well, to make a long story short, we started dating and his brother started acting like a jerk.

The brother at first was really cool when I came around, and acted like he didn't care. We would all hang out (brother had a new g/f), and do stuff together as a group. I always felt a little uncomfortable, but since I had told my b/f about everything, we just got thru it. Then my b/f moved in with me, and his brother got really upset and took back a dirtbike that he had given him for Christmas (this was in Sept/Oct), and stopped talking to him. (They had been really close)

Then Nov I found out I was prego. A couple weeks after I found out, my b/f called his brother and told him and patched things up. Well, the brother started being nice to me again (just an act). I usually just ignore him b/c he has said some really hurtful things to me in the past, and I'm not going to go out of my way to be nice to him, so its just easier to say only what is necessary to him (like hello and goodbye!!!)

The main problem is that I recently found out that I am having a boy. On Friday night, my b/f, his friend, and brother are all wanting to go out. They of course will be drinking, and asked if I would go with them, so I could drive (which I don't mind!!!) When we were sitting in the car, we were talking about the baby, and they were teasing me, saying I was going to make him a nerd! (I hope he is!! haha)
Then the brother says "He's going to get me all kinds of girls" (in not so nice of language!!) "We'll drink together and he'll bring me all the young b****es, so I can f*** them!" etc. This got my blood to boiling. We got inside the pub, and I called my friend, crying b/c I was so angry. After she calmed me down, I went back and joined the boys, and the brother brought up my son again, and said "You have control when he's in your body, but after he gets out, you don't" I didn't say anything to him at the time b/c they had all been drinking, but I was very upset with his comments.

The next day I talked to my b/f about this, and he agreed that it was a very disrespectful thing to say to me, and said he would say something. But he still hasn't. I don't expect an apology b/c he's a womanizing jerk, but I've made it clear that he is not allowed unsupervised time with my child EVER!

Just wondering how you would handle this situation, sorry its so long (and that's not even 1/2 of it!!!)
I am not the type of person to put up with crap from anyone, but for the sake of my b/f and our relationship, I just keep my mouth shut most of the time, but I think the line has been drawn....

Thanks for any responses!

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Old 02-19-2007, 04:32 PM   #2
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

That was probably what I would have done, myself.

The guy is a jerk, and your Boyfriend knows it too.(since they are patching things up...maybe that was the reason, why your BF, didn't say anything to him)

Once the baby is born, and If he were to continue....talking trash about his son. I am sure your boyfriend will eventually beat the hell out of him.

Old 02-20-2007, 01:36 AM   #3
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

If your boyfriend is trying to patch things up with his brother then he may be hesitant to talk to him about his behavior towards you and your unborn baby. Maybe talk to the brother yourself? Just firmly but calmly explain that you expect to be treated with respect and that his comments about your baby were not appreciated/acceptable. Afterall, he said it to you, not your boyfriend, so you're completely within your rights to say something without jeopardising your relationship with your boyfriend, or the brothers' relationship. And if the brother doesn't stop being a jerk, your boyfriend should step in. But there's no reason why you can't talk to the brother first.

Old 02-20-2007, 02:17 AM   #4
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

Goodness if that had been said to me when I was pregnant with my son, I am not sure how I would of reacted.

If I was you, I personally would make it clear to my boyfriend that unless his brother cleaned his mouth up, grew up, and could prove himself to be a decent respectful adult, then I wouldn't so much as allow him in the same room as my son! But that sounds like a very tall order for this guy.

Sorry to be rude, but he sounds a very damaging, disturbing guy to have around a child as an uncle. Be cautious..

Last edited by brook65; 02-20-2007 at 02:18 AM.

Old 02-20-2007, 04:15 AM   #5
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

this dude is a childish jerk and obviously just trying to get to you! I would stay away from him as much as possible and it would not hurt for your b/f to speak up on your behalf either...I mean this is his son that's being talked about like that and if he's going to be a responsible father, he needs to put a stop to that crap right now!

Old 02-20-2007, 05:33 AM   #6
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

I can't believe no one has said this yet, but it's obvious what's going on here. Your bf's brother, who is also your ex bf, is obviously compeletely jealous of the situation, and he's mad that you are having a baby with his brother and he has nothing.

You do need to confront him and try to have a mature conversation about this. But if he refuses to listen or acts like a jerk to you, then go to your BF and tell him that you know the problem is that he is completely jealous and that he needs to talk to his brother and work it out.

The guy is obviously a jerk. It's good you're not with him anymore. But it's too bad you didnt' find someone who is not in his family to be with, because it would have been a lot better if you did. He's not going to be nice until he gets over his jealousy, so there's not much you can do, really.

Old 02-20-2007, 08:14 AM   #7
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

thanks for the reply's! I think I might try to talk to him the next time I see him, but I really think it will have no effect. He thinks he knows everything is always right, so I might just have to encourage my b/f to say something.

Old 02-20-2007, 01:41 PM   #8
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Re: What would you do?? Any advice helpful!

I am a big believer in family HOWEVER when someone is disrespectful and possibly a danger where children are concerned they are out period. My husband's sister is a drug user, she is somewhat violent and very loud and her boyfriend is a criminal she has also had run ins with the law. She was accused of sexually molesting a relative. It was never proven but makes me uncomfy in general. I did everything for this girl I got her a job she got fired from, I was a friend to her when her entire family could not stand her. And in the end she was and is the same loser she will always be and my husband says, "told ya so!" So we no longer speak to her and she is not allowed to my family events and we do not attend events she is at. She normally is not at events as she is not really into it. It is hard to do BUT sometimes you have to cut people off. We are so happy and glad we do as she continues to destroy her life and be the misreable person she is and always will be. My children will never know this person ever and they will be better people for it...

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