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Was I stupid?


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Old 02-21-2007, 04:41 PM   #1
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Was I stupid?

Hi all,

I had 2 dates with a divorced guy recently. I felt really comfortable with him and thought we clicked. Well, on the 2nd date (this past Friday) he took me out to dinner so he found out where I lived. That was fine except I noticed he talked so much and was even repeating stories he already told me on the telephone.

I was shocked when he just came over to my house this past Sat. without calling me first. His excuse was he wanted to break up some ice on my driveway (I never asked him to do this). I was furious that he didn't call me first and I broke up with him.

Was I nuts to do this? I don't like people who don't know me that well to show up at my house without calling me first.

Sunny

 
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Old 02-21-2007, 05:00 PM   #2
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Sunnyrise..................

I would probably do the same thing as you.

That is wierd for him to just come to your house without calling you.....sounds to me, like this guy is moving too fast!!

I mean.......If he repeatedly does this, call the cops or something.(he could be stalking you)---I don't know...this is what it seems to me...if he ever were to come to your house unannouced, again.

Your not stupid, for breaking up with this guy.

 
Old 02-21-2007, 05:01 PM   #3
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Re: Was I stupid?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyrise View Post
Hi all,

I had 2 dates with a divorced guy recently. I felt really comfortable with him and thought we clicked. Well, on the 2nd date (this past Friday) he took me out to dinner so he found out where I lived. That was fine except I noticed he talked so much and was even repeating stories he already told me on the telephone.

I was shocked when he just came over to my house this past Sat. without calling me first. His excuse was he wanted to break up some ice on my driveway (I never asked him to do this). I was furious that he didn't call me first and I broke up with him.

Was I nuts to do this? I don't like people who don't know me that well to show up at my house without calling me first.

Sunny

Well, it's hard to tell. I think you can tell us a story over the net, but we weren't there, we didn't see the look in his eyes, hear the tone and inflection in his voice, all the visual cues that you probably picked up on. I think his repeating stories and being a chatterbox, and probably what he was saying as much as how he was saying it, raised many red flags for you, and his coming over unannounced was just the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I think you should trust your own insticts and intuition. If you were getting a funky vibe from him andit wasn't feeling right, then no, I don't think you were crazy to break up with him. Trust that gut, God gave us women's intuition for a reason. Men don't believe in it, but I sure do. My ex boyfriend had a roommate that I didn't like as soon as I laid eyes on him, I just got a dark, bad vibe from him, and I kept warning my boyfriend to be careful, not to trust him, etc. and he didn't care, didn't listen to me. Till one day the cops showed up at their doorstep because this guy turned out to be a wanted pedophile. Trust that gut.

 
Old 02-21-2007, 06:05 PM   #4
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Re: Was I stupid?

Thanks everyone. There were other signs that raised those red flags that I was picking up on and didn't sit right with me.

I know other women would have been thrilled to have a guy come over and help them out, but I have been alone for so long that I am used to doing things for myself, even chopping up ice!

Before he came over unannounced, he only wanted to talk about himself and didn't ask me any questions which bothered me. What happened to the good old "getting to know you?"..... It takes 2 and so far it has been all about him.

I felt more like his therapist than a potential girlfriend. Our dinner conversation consisted of him telling me (now this guy is 51 years old) about how his Dad left him when he was a baby. I told him as nice as possible that one day he has to let go... (hello, if you're not over it by 51, then maybe it's time to see a real therapist???).

I don't want to play the role of therapist, I have enough problems of my own.

So yes, him coming over without letting me know was the straw on the camel's back.

Yes, I agree, trust our instincts... they usually turn out to be correct.

Thanks!
Sunny

 
Old 02-21-2007, 06:21 PM   #5
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Re: Was I stupid?

Sunny, a very similar thing happened to my best friend! This guy went on one date with her and he said he was totally in love with her and knew he was the ONE for her, etc. etc. And he showed up at her house the first time and my friend told him never to do that again. The second time he did it, she called the police. He started arguing with the cops and they put a restraining order on him to leave her alone.

I keep telling her that she needs to trust her instincts. She and I are in our early 30s now, we've made enough mistakes by ignoring red flags in the past with guys we dated. It's time to stop ignoring those signals that make us uncomfortable in the beginning so we can avoid having to be unhappy later after the relationship has already started going.

You did the right thing! If anything about any guy you go out with makes you uncomfortable then it's important for you to never ignore that little voice that is telling you that something is wrong. Follow your instincts.

 
Old 02-21-2007, 06:38 PM   #6
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Re: Was I stupid?

Hi Kszan,

I know exactly what you mean after being married twice (my 1st husband died of cancer, then I remarried too fast). I made plenty of mistakes by not following my instincts and the reason I first posted about this guy is because I have become very cautious about relationships.

I posted because I wondered if I was being too cautious but all I feel now is relief so I know I did the right thing. This guy has problems (hey, who doesn't), but I don't think he is crazy enough to come back to my house again and if he does, I will most certainly call the police.

Sorry this happened to your best friend, sometimes we get blindsided and push out instincts out of the way instead of listening to them.

I gave this guy a chance and now it's time to move on and talk to some new guys! Darn, I may be 50 but I feel good! I can not believe how many divorced guys are out there looking for their soulmate. Whoever said there aren't any good men around are totally wrong. All it takes it the right one and I'm staying positive.

Sunny

 
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