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  • How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

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    Old 03-01-2007, 02:27 PM   #1
    Post-It
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    How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    I think I have issues LOL. Let me back up. I met my husband 4 years ago, when we were 21 yrs old. About a month after we began dating, he let me use his computer and I found some porn sites on there. Given that he was a 21 yr old male, I figured it was normal to look at porn BUT we had a serious discussion about it and I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with him looking at porn. He stopped out of respect of that and the times that I have admittedly snooped, I haven't found anything since then.

    My problem is this: since this one incident several years ago, I have been really unrealistically paranoid that he will cheat on me. Logically I know that just because you've looked at porn, it doesn't mean you're going to cheat. I don't know if I have just read too many magazine articles about women whose husbands sign up on dating sites or try to meet people on the Internet or lead secret lives or what, but it has always worried me. Actually I take that back. It didn't really worry me until we got married. I am wondering now that we are so very committed to each other, that some day I'll lose this wonderful person.

    I should add that I have Pure Obsessional OCD/GAD which basically makes me doubt and question a lot of things, not just my husband.

    Since we have been married, these weird scenarios pop up in my mind, like what if I walked in on him and another woman? I surprised him for lunch today and I kept thinking "what if I went to his work and found him kissing a coworker?" My husband has always been 100% committed to me and never given me a reason to doubt his faithfulness. I have told him my fears and he says that he will do anything to assure me that he is completely mine, but at some point I have to take ownership of my fears and stop questioning him all the time.

    I don't know - I keep trying to identify something in my past that would make me not be able to trust. Maybe it is my OCD, or maybe it's just some deep-rooted trust issue that I'm not aware of. Or maybe I am so afraid of losing my wonderful husband that I'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

    Either way, how do I stop?

     
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    Old 03-01-2007, 02:58 PM   #2
    happymom28
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    Re: How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    So he hasn't done anything to make you not trust him, right? Only this porn thing from earlier on and hasn't happened ever again?

    There is no magic cure I can think of to help you not to be paranoid or jealous. Whenever these "scenarios" pop into your head you need to remind yourself of all of the wonderful things about him that made you fall in love with him. I know it sounds silly but it may help.

     
    Old 03-01-2007, 03:08 PM   #3
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    Re: How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
    So he hasn't done anything to make you not trust him, right? Only this porn thing from earlier on and hasn't happened ever again?
    Right. He's never lied to me, he's never done ANYTHING other than this one time I found porn on his computer. Even with that, he fessed up right away and didn't try to make excuses. He doesn't go out with girls alone, doesn't even call girls. He is friends with a few women at work but it's not like they go out alone or he calls them or anything.

    I wonder beneath all this is some big insecurity on my part; I think that I'm not really worth being married to and sticking around for.

     
    Old 03-01-2007, 04:34 PM   #4
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    Re: How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Post-It View Post
    I wonder beneath all this is some big insecurity on my part; I think that I'm not really worth being married to and sticking around for.
    I think that is it right there. You have a great guy so you assume you're not worthy of him. Have you been hurt a lot in the past? I know it's hard to believe sometimes but there are nice, caring, committed,honest, loving men out there who want nothing more to find the same kind of woman to love and grow old with.

    I know that it is hard to trust and hard not to be paranoid, especially if you've been hurt before. You have to believe that you are a good person who deserves to loved. You need to love yourself.

     
    Old 03-02-2007, 03:50 AM   #5
    SamanthaYork
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    Re: How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    i get very insecure like you, but ive never voiced it to my partner. its not porn thats the issue - infact we enjoy that togehter every once in a while. My ex was married and i found all his old wedding pics in his drawer, along with a letter from his ex girlf basically laying a ghost to rest. ive never mentioned this to him because its not my place, and in the end everyones got a past. i do wonder why he kept the letter, but in the ennd im not the only person that he loved and the important thing is that he is with me now and im the onyl person he wants. and as for the photos - getting married was a nice thing for him at the time, i dont expect him to forget that - only realise that she is gone now, it didnt work, but this is.

    see what i mean - these things that im not making a huge deal over are a lot worse than what your fella did.

    in the end he loves you - he has made that clear. just enjoy today and adopt a little bit of trust. there are many men out there, mine lncluded that just would never cheat - its called honesty.

    relax hun

     
    Old 03-02-2007, 08:54 PM   #6
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    Re: How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    You are in a very secure relationship.

    Your Husband can do what most guys can't (stop watching porn)

    Now.....that alone, is amazing.

    I believe...if you tell yourself....that Hubby is the one and stop imagining things...It will help you.

    so keep reminding yourself everyday. You'll eventually stop having negatives thoughts.

     
    Old 01-13-2009, 08:31 AM   #7
    SarahPW
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    Re: How do I stop being so paranoid/jealous?

    Hi I posted something about OCD & jealousy affecting my Partner (please read and reply!!)

    I basically worry all the time stuff like "did that girl check out my BF?" when a girl walks past and I tend to think back over my time with my BF and start panicking about girls that have NO prominence in our life what so ever, things like "did that girl that used to get on the same train as us used to check out my BF?" and cos I cant remember I think about it alot!

    It drives me CRAZY! Does anyone else get this?

    How do I stop thinking like this. My BF is SO perfect for me and loves me 100% and is dedicated to me 110%. I have nothing to stress about - and yet I do!!! Help PLEASE!!

     
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