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    Old 03-01-2007, 11:01 PM   #1
    d3sire's Avatar
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    Clingy/Possessive Boyfriend

    My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 3 years. He is 22 & I am 21. Generally he is a really great boyfriend, I know he loves me & I love him too BUT there are times when he can be really clingy & possessive. If we are fighting he will call non-stop, begging for our fight to be resolved. If I don't answer he will bang on my door, leave presents, letters or cards asking for forgivness. He says that when we fight he is scared that he will loose me & that he wants to resolve it right away. We have 'broken up' a couple of times & he bawls & begs me not to leave him. A few times he has said things like "if it wasn't for you & my mom I would probably kill myself" I don't know why he is like this, he has a good job, a few good friends, a decent social life (seperate from me), he maintains a good relationship w/his mom & sister (not so much w/his dad) & like I said usually are relationship is great.

    My family is a little apprehensive about him too. They like him as a person but when he goes into clingy mode & calls non-stop, rings my door bell in the middle of the night etc. my mom warns me that our relationship is unhealthy. In his defence he has never been physically abusive towards me, he has never tried to tell me what I can or cannot do or wear/see etc., he has never expressed any jealousy over male friends/co-workers & he is really great w/his mom (I have heard that you can tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mom)

    Anyways..... Does this sound completley unhealthy to you? Should I run away while I still can? General thoughts?


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    Old 03-01-2007, 11:32 PM   #2
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    Re: Clingy/Possessive Boyfriend

    I think if you are questioning things yourself here that you too see that there is a real problem with how your bf is acting. I would say this is a real red flag. I would work on seperating all ties with him. Unless you think he is worth it and maybe want to start seeing a counsilar of some sort. Otherwise I would be afraid of getting to deep with him.

    good luck!

    Old 03-02-2007, 04:36 AM   #3
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    Re: Clingy/Possessive Boyfriend

    what bothers me the most is him talking about him killing himself if it wasnt for his mom or you. it sounds like he needs counsling. hes not close with his dad im taking it maybe he feels rejected if his dad walked out on him. so now maybe he dont rejection to well that could be why hes so clingy maybe he feels everybody is gonna walk out on him. i wouldnt say so much walk out on him but see if you can convince him to seek help for this. i think if you do walk out on him it will make everything worse on him convince him first to get help and see how that works if it dont or he dont want help than yeah leave atleast you can say you tried.

    Old 03-02-2007, 07:40 AM   #4
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    Re: Clingy/Possessive Boyfriend

    I have to agree, he definately has some sort of abandonment issues. He will only get worse unless he gets some sort of help. Have you talked to him about it?

    So he has never been physical towards you, isn't controlling over your friends or clothes, doesn't express jealousy toward other men in your life? So what is that you fight about and break up over? I feel like there has to be something else here.

    His behavior is a red flag. His actions are very unhealthy and I don't think many woman in your position would keep hanging around. He needs some sort of counseling, but it's not your responsibility to hold his hand and bring him there. He is an adult and he needs to learn how to manage his obvious unhappiness or he will only get worse. Normal, mentally stable people don't threaten to kill themselves in an attempt to keep you. That is a form of control and manipulation.

    The decision is yours to make, but I think you know this is an unhealthy and potentially dangerous situation. What happens when you do put your foot down and refuse to get back together? How will he react? I'm not sure I would want to be around to find out.

    Old 03-02-2007, 12:02 PM   #5
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    Re: Clingy/Possessive Boyfriend

    It sounds like immaturity...I've acted like that (although not quite as intense) in broken relationships when I was younger. It took some experience to realize that that kind of behavior is not the way to keep a partner, and in fact will have the opposite effect.

    Yes, it is scary to lose someone that you have devoted so much time to. It sounds like he is very desperate and afraid of being alone. Which is understandable. But he has to learn to temper his intensity, which hopefully he will figure out as he gets older. I don't if you can get through to him or not, but you could try explaining to him that the way he acts is detrimental and inappropriate. There is no excuse for ringing someone's doorbell in the middle of the night, even I've never gone that far.

    But you can't really just sit around and wait for a person to change. If you're having so many issues that it causes you to break up over and over again, that is not a very positive sign. You sound like you need someone who is a little more mature and stable in themselves.
    The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~

    Old 03-02-2007, 09:22 PM   #6
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    Re: Clingy/Possessive Boyfriend

    Your already smooth.

    The only thing I will do: is to talk to him, about not coming over to your house in the middle of the night anymore.

    He doesn't seem to be the jealous you're okay.
    He's not verbally or phycially abusing you......excellent

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